Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

<3 republicans <3

republican (4:13:33 PM): i bought a new car.
(4:13:42 PM): nice..what kind?
dicta (4:13:49 PM)
: escalade?
dicta (4:14:29 PM)
: el camino?
dicta (4:14:46 PM)
: dumptruck?
republican (4:15:23 PM)
: mercedes slk hard top convertible
republican (4:15:25 PM): 2001
republican (4:15:26 PM): red
republican (4:15:28 PM): its awesome
dicta (4:15:31 PM): impressive
dicta (4:15:37 PM)
: how'd you pay for that one?
republican (4:15:45 PM)
: it wasnt that much. i can afford it
dicta (4:15:46 PM): laundered republican money?
republican (4:16:25 PM)
: shut your pie hole
dicta (4:16:35 PM): haha you guys gotta watch your scandals!
republican (4:17:01 PM)
: democrats do the same scandalous shit.
dicta (4:17:18 PM): well, if they do, they're smart enough to not get caught O:-)
republican (4:18:03 PM): well, if the democrats would just DO ANYTHING, maybe we could talk about it.
republican (4:18:09 PM)
: no ideas, no vision, no mission
republican (4:18:12 PM): blah blah blah
dicta (4:18:36 PM)
: i'd argue doing nothing is better than i dont know, starting wars
dicta (4:18:43 PM)
: so how are you [republican]? you im me about once a year
republican (4:19:26 PM)
: because you infuriate me
republican (4:19:43 PM)
: but we wouldnt have had to start a war if it wasnt for your beloved Clinton.
dicta (4:19:59 PM): the only war w/ clinton was over a dry cleaning bill
republican (4:20:07 PM)
: if he would have just nuked damn Osama, it would have been taken care of
republican (4:20:24 PM)
: ha, he was too busy getting his drycleaning done to notice the serious problem
dicta (4:20:51 PM): i might point to the friendly relationship some past republican presidents have had with, oh, saddam
dicta (4:21:05 PM)
: who gave him weapons?
republican (4:21:33 PM)
: yes, well, we took care of him didnt we
dicta (4:21:49 PM): him yes, the rest of the iraqis...not so much

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

sleeping late on the day brains are handed out

despite my prior bitching, i registered for spring classes this morning. that doesnt change the fact that some students register during finals. i'm lucky enough to have enough credits to register this week. but it's still a huge pain in the ass for me to work this shit out as i have 4 finals next week.

especially when this fucking school doesn't make it easy.

as you might remember, my school is retarded and we have distance classes because we have 2 campuses. well, it happened again. i've ALREADY had to change my schedule. i had been registered only a matter of hours, and i had to re-do my schedule. why? because the class list they gave us to use to register did not contain a list of which classes were at which campus. so of course, i was once again signed up for 5 distance credits while the maximum is 4. the only reason i even figured this out and thus semi-saved my ass today was because my conflicts professor showed a few of us where to find this list before class. naturally, the list was NOT on any of the webpages with any of the registration materials. naturally. fucking christ, honestly.

seriously, i think the only requirement to be on the administrative staff here is that you cant be retarded to the point of institutionalization. because there are some severely retarded people running this place. ironically, i had a dream last night that i was offered a job here to fix all the shit that's wrong with this place. it was the scariest fucking dream i've ever had.

164 days.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

the super happy fun thanksgiving hour

as promised, my thanksgiving post. turkey week was awesome. just awesome. it started on thursday, a full week before thanksgiving, with dominique coming to my apartment here at school a day early, surprising me. she's so sneaky that i dont think i could get her with chloroform if i wanted to...not that i have to. anyway.

that saturday, we drove down to the dirty south (maryland - observe the mason-dixon line bitches) and saw ben folds in concert at a college. a lot of the students had horrendous body odor, but otherwise the show was absolutely excellent. it opened with this guy corn mo, who resembled a cross between meatloaf and an 80s hair band member. he played an accordian and sang songs about lollipops and middle school relationships. after 3 songs he had the crowd. but after that it just went downhill. he played for far too long. he did start off strong though, and i guess that's something to be admired. but then came the main act.

and it.was.AWESOME. this was definitely one of the best shows i've ever seen. besides the fact that ben is the sixth most awesome person in the world, he just puts on an amazing show. he sounds great live, and he played a range of songs from every one of his albums. it was so great to hear songs from whatever and ever amen live right after something from songs for silverman. plus the venue was small, so we were close to the stage.

because i hadnt missed one class all semester, another was cancelled, one turned into a review, and one just sucks, we headed back to my parents' house on monday, earlier than we had originally anticipated. we just relaxed, played some games, saw a movie, and had some great food. some friends came over and we played poker. friday night we went to dinner with laura, and people had arranged a big group to go to a bar, so i got to see many of my good friends, and some others who i hadn't seen in a long time. so that was awesome too.

we headed back to shitty ass pennsylvania on saturday because dominique had to drive back to her school on sunday. we just hung out and watched a movie and relaxed...the perfect end to a great week and a half. that one definitely ranked up there as one of the great thanksgivings ever.

Monday, November 27, 2006

it's bad to be stupid around finals time

i wasn't sure my school could go much lower than it already had in the past, but whenever things seem to be going smoothly here some new asinine stunt is pulled, often showing just how little the school actually cares about the success of its students.

example 1: exams
because the brilliant minds that are our administration moved us to a shitty office building, there was insufficient room to bring all of the computers from the computer labs, so the school has joined the 21st century and allowed us to type our exams on our own computers. a reasonable caveat to this is that we must have secureexam on our computers to eliminate access to other computer files while taking an exam. that's fine.

what's not fine is simply sending a school-wide email with a link to download the program with a message of well, you better figure this out and learn how to use it. if you lose an exam, it's at your own risk and don't come crying to us.

fuck you. what does our 30k/yr go to around here anyway? pretend you care goddamnit. we used secureexam at my old school, but that school set up a couple meetings where you get the software off a cd, sit thru a quick tutorial, and have someone there to answer questions or troubleshoot. this school doesn't give a fuck, not that i'm surprised.

example 2: spring registration
to make matters worse, we (FINALLY) got an email today about when and how we would be registering for spring classes. again, this school is joining the 21st century and for the first time allowing us to register online. normally registration is in november. this being the first online registration (and it being this school), it is very possible to have a few glitches in the system to work out. so why do i care so much? because these fuckers scheduled registration from THE WEEKEND RIGHT BEFORE FINALS INTO THE FIRST WEEK OF FINALS. who fucking does that shit? what school would EVER think it's a good idea to schedule registration during finals? honestly. what the fuck? it's not like goddamn high school where the finals schedule works itself out. we have to look at the finals schedule ahead of time cuz fuck knows the school wont let us change anything later. plus it'll probably take 2 years just to get 5 classes that aren't in conflict with each other.

honestly, fuck this school. other than that and feeling a bit under the weather lately things are really good. but there was no easy transition back from break today. oh no. i mean, what kind of place would this be if things progressed logically and the students were actually happy?

of meat and surprises

remember that time that omaha steaks offered me a deal on meat and i declined? neither did i, until today when i got my free set of knives! they look pretty good, and i can't wait to test them out. especially the big one, which i'm going to use to cut mary.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

it ain't xmas yet

not that i think that would really have made a difference.

but what the hell is up with the cashiers at giant asking everyone as they checkout if they'd like to donate $1 to the children's miracle network? dont try to make me feel like a bad person with an attempt at humiliation in front of all the other customers in line. "oooooh, that guy didn't donate a dollar. it's only a dollar! what a terrible person." well i've got news for you giant...i already know i'm a terrible person, so fuck you. and those children can shove the miracle network up their asses. how do i know the money isn't going towards pro-life rallies? i mean, this is pennsyltucky here. plus, the last time i was here that stupid ho tricked me into donating a turkey. bullshit.

happy thanksgiving post to come later. but for now my apartment is cold and lonely, and this post is better suited.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

a dark comedy

Because of the behavior of a few students, this year’s Barrister’s Ball regrettably included conduct completely unacceptable both within the Law School community and in our profession. For all of you who attended the Ball but did not become publicly drunk, destroy hotel property, or fight, I share your dismay. Such behavior unfortunately has an impact on all of you: it diminishes the reputation of our Law School in the eyes of the local community, the legal community, and potential employers. It also calls into question whether those involved possess the character necessary to practice law.

The matter is now in the hands of our Honor Council. I regret the impact of this behavior on our Law School and on all of you who were not involved.


i think this is pretty hilarious. i'm not sure if honor council hearings are open to the public, but if so, i might bring a big bag of popcorn and a soda and settle in for a nice time.

also, i'm pretty sure the dean is putting the cart before the horse. who gives a shit what the school looks like in the eyes of the local community, the legal community, and potential employers when the majority of the student body hates and resents it? shit, i dont like the school or the local community. it's like what the ever-wise stanley once said: we dont have to like each other, we just have to work together.

well, only for 177 more days...not that i'm counting.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

it must be the 14th

because the cops are back at my door looking for a neighbor. the only real mystery is which neighbor it will be each time. next time i hope they come for mary. fucking pennsylvania.

how endeering

i've said it before, and i'll say it again: fuck you deer!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

i made delicious chili

what did you do with your sunday?

Friday, November 10, 2006

why i won't be a lawyer, or alternatively, why i'm awesome

i initially began responding to the discussion in the comments of the post below, but i thought this discussion was worthy of it's own separate post, so here it is:

i entered law school fully intending to practice law. i had taken some "pre-law" courses in both high school and college, and was pretty sure that's what i wanted to do.

then i got to law school. first year was an adjustment. it doesn't really matter what you read or who you talk to, you aren't fully prepared for law school. but first year it was a challenge, and on the whole, i liked it.

i transferred for my 2nd year because i wanted to be closer to where i grew up, thinking i might like to go back there upon graduation. since then i've really missed my 1L friends (yes, even holmes). plus, i made the mistake of transferring to a horrendous institution, but that's a story for another day (and indeed i've discussed it on numerous occasions).

the summer after 2L i worked for a firm and, despite the money being good, i absolutely hated it. to put it into perspective, law-wise i was actually looking forward to coming back to this school for classes (though i was much happier over the summer being closer to dominique, friends, family, and a much nicer region of the country). and i was at the exact type firm which, if any, would have fit me best and made me happiest. and it was abysmal.

so, i have since decided that i'd like to use my degree and take my life in another direction. it's pretty hilarious to see other students' reactions when i tell them's as if i'm breaking some code. but it's what will make me happiest.

money won't make me happy.
time away from dominique, friends, and family won't make me happy.
prestige won't make me happy.
power won't make me happy.
a nice title won't make me happy.
practicing law won't make me happy.
in other words, conforming to what i "should do" as a law school graduate won't make me happy.

for me, it's a nice balance of everything. and for me, practicing law upsets that balance. too much of one nice thing is worthless if you have none of another. come may, i'm off into the "real world" to find my balance. and i will. and i'll love it.

when i began, i was intent on going to law school to learn about the law, thinking that's what i wanted to do with my life. but that changed when i really learned everything that it entails. it no longer appeals to me. i could blame stuff i've read, or people i've talked to, or the inadequacy of pre-law programs, but i just think law school on some level is something you just need to experience to know if it's for you or not. no one else can tell you what's for you. the decision is all yours. the freedom is all yours. and it shouldn't be scary, it should be inspiring.

i think holmes is correct when he questions whether anyone really knows what they want to do for the rest of their life in their 20s. ok, maybe some do. but no one could surely expect everyone at these ages to know. and i dont feel bad about changing my mind. sure, maybe i would've done something else. but if i did, and never came to law school, how would i have known law school wasn't "it." that's not to argue that people should try everything first, but it is ok to try more than one thing.

i tried law school, and i liked very little of it. but really, i love that. because i admit that it's not right for me and know that going the non-practice route is what's best for me, i am fully embracing my complete freedom in may. even if i dont have a job lined up or dont know where i'll be living, graduation day will be a day of celebration. perhaps not in the traditional sense, but for me it will be much much more than that.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

july july

this is not the story of the road that meets the road that goes to my house.

but let's face it: the future is unknown, and the unknown is exciting. this is my official announcement...i will not be taking the bar in july 2007. i might take it in 2008.

with so many things out there, why practice law? i've done law school, i've worked for a firm...lame. the work is boring, the company worse. not interested. no thank you.

what will i do? some things are as of yet undecided, while others are certain. but i can go anywhere and do anything i want. and i will. freedom is power. i love power.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

dont fuck it up virginia

you heard me. and if, on recount, the republican wins because 26,000+ dumbasses voted for the green party candidate, then those goddamn hippies deserve any shit they get by virtue of the republican winning.


today there was a note on my mailbox outside that said "please do not throw your trash on the ground." its author is seriously misguided.

if it's the postal worker, then maybe they should think about not delivering stupid shit to me that just says "resident" or generic things like that. further, they should not deliver the shitloads of mail with other people's names on it, as my mailbox is clearly marked with my name. this is NOT my trash. it's the sender's trash, or someone else's.

and i dont just throw it on the ground, i place it by the garbage which will be picked up. in a city where i have to pay for bags so they pick up my trash, i refuse to pay to throw away the massive amounts of random shit i get that's not for me.

and if one of my neighbors wrote the note, well we already know how i feel about them. so what did i do? i tore the note off my mailbox and threw it on the ground.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

something for everyone


how are we to be respected as a nation when we can't even fucking vote without major issues? now, i'm not saying the (traditionally conservative?) midwest is too retarded to vote, but the reported issues were in ohio, indiana, and illinois. kansas probably tried to report the same, but dialed the wrong number.

of course, there's also the poll worker in kentucky who choked a voter. hanging chads are beginning to look like pretty attractive at this point.

a new found respect

last night i went to dinner with 2 friends from school and 1 friend who graduated from this law school last year. one of my friends works at a local dive bar in town. let me rephrase that, since every bar in town is a dive bar. she works at a townie bar. wait, they all--fuck it, you get the point.

anyway, she works there a few nights a week, so she knows the regulars. two of these regulars happen to be my crazy ass neighbors, jd and jeff. outside being backward alcoholic hicks who repeat everything they say if you dont acknowledge it and make terrible jokes, they're really not so bad. they're both nice enough and friendly, and i dont have a problem with either. my new found respect for them comes from the fact that even they realize that mary is absolutely ridiculous, and they refer to her as "crazy mary." see, it's not just me. even drunk hicks can recognize that mary is crazy. that's a special kind of crazy.

also, if you go to the above-linked post, dominique's prediction was exactly right. excuse me while i go vomit up my lunch.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

the ocean breathes salty

do you think it burns when people get eaten by sharks, you know, cuz of the saltwater? or are they more focused on the fact that their arm is missing?