Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Friday, August 31, 2007

the girls upstairs

are the reasons for the negative stereotype of women as poor drivers.

Monday, August 27, 2007

what, me apologize?

michael vick's press conference was the biggest joke ever. any public figure who does anything wrong is expected to give one, so he doesn't get credit just for being there. he apologized, but not really for anything. it was more of a "kids, i'm sorry you chose to idolize me rather than someone else" type of "apology".

but oh, oh he found jesus. so i guess he should be ok then. and now everyone who goes to church must automatically love him. and i guess if he's working with jesus now everyone else should forgive him too. if only jesus blew your circuits or drained your pool/lake/water holder you wouldn't be in this problem to begin with. i guess jesus is just the king of the fashionably late entrance. who better?

opting for the high road

today i checked exactly 10 job websites and followed up on one of the jobs i applied for last week. the websites didn't have any new jobs that i haven't applied for already, so instead of running my mouth, flipping out, and saying something i won't regret here, i am just going to write about poker on saturday.

i actually like going to the casino on weekends to play poker because when you play poker you like the crowd (as opposed to the house games where crowds are probably much more annoying, and more people mean higher minimum bets). when there are lots of tables going, there are lots of visitors there to just "have some fun" (i.e. lose money). the thing is, i love poker and every time i play i have fun too. having fun doesn't have to mean losing.

anyway, i got there around 1030am and they called the whole list and we actually opened a table. at that time, the poker room isn't quite brimming with visitors yet, but moreso the serious players. but it was a really fun table. there were some talkative people, and most were nice, especially at my end.

there were 2 guys at the other end that were just disgraceful. the first because he hit and ran. there's nothing illegal about it, but there's kind of this unwritten code that you don't sit down at a table, hit a big hand, then walk away. it's dick. at least sit there another half hour and only play premium hands. i mean, this kid didn't even wait until the end of the half hour (which makes sense to do because at this particular casino instead of raking the pots they charge $5 time every half hour).

the other kid sucked because he was just a terrible player. he kept calling raises with complete shit. the thing is, he got lucky. in the long run it's a sure way to bankrupt yourself, but in a short time anything can happen. and this dumbass just stumbled ass backwards into some good pots. a prime example is calling a $15 raise by someone with A-J with J-6 unsuited, then flopping 2 pair.

once the afternoon came people started to rotate thru the tables a bit more and more tourists/visitors sat down. i was in the 8 seat and this guy in the 10 seat was another awful player. (i should note that i was sitting at a $1-$2 table, which will naturally attract the worse players and you have to expect some bad beats there, but things happen at these tables that are so ridiculous that even a retard would know not to make the call). this guy just called everything and chased all kinds of pots. he must've gone thru at least $700-800 in a few hours. he also hit me for my biggest lost pot of the day, taking about $125 off me. i raised preflop and he just called along with 2 other players. after the flop i had top pair with a pretty good kicker and i knew i was ahead of seat 10 and thought i probably was over the other guys too. but there were straight and flush draws on the board, so i decided to try and take the pot down right there. i bet the size of the pot. the guy calls, and the 2 other players in the hand fold. i bet the pot because that gives him 2 to 1 on his money, and to call the flush he needs 4 to 1 (3 to 1 is usually enough including implied odds). i figured he was on the flush draw. the turn comes, and the flush misses so i bet half the pot. he simply calls, so i check down the river (which hit the flush) and he makes a value bet that i was pretty much committed to call. he turns over his cards with the straight. but on the flop he had an inside straight draw, so only 4 outs. he needed 10.5 to 1 odds to make the call on the flop. i gave him 2 to 1, and he called and hit. such bullshit.

however, the good news is that i would later make a good read on him and take about $200 back from him. i also made some more good reads and ended the day up almost $400. i bet you weren't expecting that after all my bitching about shitty playerss. good times.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

3 great hits

1) "unemployed philosophers greeting cards"

2) "why americans don't care about beckham or soccer"

3) "the best way to grow a mustache"

these are wonderful. thank you san leandro, ca, singapore, and steilacoom, wa respectively.

Friday, August 24, 2007

worst. episode. ever.

so apparently some parents of kidnation participants are angry that their kids were injured. despite signing a 22 page waiver they're now stirring up trouble because their kids were morons who made bleach soda or got burned by grease while cooking. but i have to ask, when you signed your kid up for a show called kidnation where the whole premise is a bunch of kids living in a town without adults, what the fuck did you expect to happen?

they're fucking kids! there's a reason that there's a voting age, a driving age, an alcohol age, a sexual consent age...because kids can't make all these decisions or handle the situations on their own. so when you sign your kid up for a show that is specifically designed to put kids and only kids into adult roles, shut the fuck up when your kid acts like a kid and can't handle it.

oh wait, i know, he's probably add or adhd or autistic or whatever else. it's not his fault. dont blame him, it's the system! it's everyone else! what a cunt.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

only in georgia

would this chick be called the barbie bandit. so...fucking...busted.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

on celebrity

there's a possibility of a really interesting discussion (i think) in the comments below, so i've decided to post it as a new post in case people feel like discussing.

Damon said...

I can't believe you continue to pretend to not care about celebrity. You regularly write about it, and often mention past events that make me think you have the entire lives of several celebrities memorized. I don't know what the weed in the bottle thing is, and only vaguely recall there may have been a middle finger event, but wouldn't have been able to come up with that on me own. If you really don't care, then don't follow it and don't write about it. Then again I don't have to come up with blog posts, so it's easy for me to blow off almost all news with "who really gives a shit?"

my response:

well, i tend to remember things that either make me really happy or things that piss me off. i think that's a common phenomenon with most people.

i also think there are many people who are disgusted with the current state of celebrity. i write about it because it's so ridiculous and angering. the only reason i wrote this post and remembered the finger-to-the-crowd and the water bottle incident were because i turned on espn and they had a "special" on because news came out that vick was going to plead guilty. and it made me mad because this "special" was on both espn AND espn2 (and i would guess espn news as well, but we don't get that), which seemed quite ridiculous to me seeing as i've never heard of anyone getting one espn and not the other. they bumped their regular shows to show this shit on 2 channels. it was completely unnecessary.

i am actually not one of the crowd who feels as though celebrities have some greater obligation to the public to be role models and blah blah blah. some people throw themselves into the limelight, but others are just cast into it by their situation, and i think it's unfair for someone to be burdened with this role just because they are good at sports or acting or whatever (which is not to say i don't appreciate when celebrities are good role models, because i do very much. those tend to be celebrities i end up liking, partly for this reason.).

so while i find it unfair to criticize celebrities just because of their position, i think one of the themes of my writing about them is that in reality they are no better than anyone else. and while i do complain about the idiocy of many celebrities, i also complain about the idiocy of "regular" persons as frequently, if not much more frequently (think my supermarket posts, my neighbor posts, my law school posts, etc etc).

so i do occasionally blog about celebrities, but i do so regarding their actions/statements as normal people, not due to their heightened status. of course, sometimes you can't have one without the other (since no one would know of beckham or vick if they weren't famous for being a "soccer" player with a washed up girl-band wife and a criminal, respectively (i think the 2nd one might have also played american football, but there don't seem to be any awards or accolades to back this up)). and i think it's perfectly legitimate to question an individual's celebrity as well, because in order to be a celebrity lots of people have to know about you and allegedly like you, and that's something that involves the public as a whole. so i'm not sure the 2 are completely inseparable.

there's nothing at all wrong with liking someone because they're on your favorite team, or maybe they support some social issue you do, or whatever. but when people blindly support celebrities, blatantly ignoring selfish/stupid/horribly illegal things they've done, that's where i draw the line. i tuned in to espn yesterday to watch "around the horn" and instead caught the special. they had a former teammate of vick on the phone (i think it was ray buchannan, if that person exists and if my memory serves me correctly). he talked for about 5 minutes about how vick was a victim, and the league was just making an example of him, and blah blah blah. to me, this makes no sense at all. vick is the one pleading guilty. additionally, it is my understanding that the league hasn't taken any action yet because they're waiting for the official plea. so how can this guy know that already? and how can this guy say vick is such a good guy who doesn't deserve all this when he's pleading guilty? doesn't make much sense.

if you wan another example, think of all the support for paris hilton when she got arrested and jailed for her 80th drunk driving episode or whatever. there were blogs, other websites, and all sorts of fan forums about how it's "so unfair" and how they're just making an example of her. well i hate to tell everyone, but if it had been jane schmo, the african american woman from the ghetto, she probably would've been in guantanamo after her first offense. but people don't get that, or they ignore it.

so my problem isn't directed at solely celebrities themselves. it also has a lot to do with your lay citizen who blindly worships celebrity and celebrities.

in a sense, damon, i do think you are right. i do care about celebrity. but i don't think i care about them in the sense that you think (or maybe this is what you think and i'm just misinterpreting). i care about the effect celebrity has on society as a whole. i care about how people react to it and how it makes them think. i care mostly from a standpoint of curiousity, dumbfoundedness, and slight rage. i probably should have just become a sociologist (or better yet philosopher!) where i could posture about these issues and somehow get paid for it (if that's even possible). unfortunately, my training is in the legal field, so all i can do is bitch. so bitch it is.

Monday, August 20, 2007

why is everyone so surprised?

so vick's going to plead guilty. so he lied to everyone the whole time. but i have to ask 2 questions: 1) why is anyone surprised, and 2) who really gives a shit?

if you thought there was even a chance of innocence then you're probably a dumbass anyway. i don't understand how anyone has ever liked vick either. there was the finger-to-the-crowd incident, and the weed in the water bottle incident, and now of course the dog fighting.

i understand it's a big deal because it's a professional athlete in the limelight, but i don't understand why it's this big a deal. michael vick has never been anything but an average player. he's never won a superbowl, and he cant throw a pass to save his life. the only thing the guy can do is run from the cops, and now he's not even doing that anymore. so who gives a damn, really? it's just another piece of shit who did stuff he shouldn't have and is now in trouble for it. it's time to get over it.


as promised, sort of

i would like to draw your attention to dominique's most recent blog post where she shows you all the pictures of our new apartment that i said i would post.

done and done.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

all i wanted was a coffee

i got up this morning and i wanted a coffee. completely forgetting the fact that dominique and i recently got coffee filters and i could have made it at home, i went to mcdonalds. i haven't had mcdonalds in a while so i got a breakfast sandwich too. i should've just made coffee at home. damnit.

when you're little and in school, you're taught (or at least i was) that everyone is as good as everyone else. in today's world where teachers don't make their "X's" in big red ink, where children aren't scolded, and where every kid who doesn't get straight A's has some sort of learning or social disorder, i would think they still teach that shit, but i don't know for sure. well it just isn't true.

i'm sorry, but if you can't get my coffee order correct then i am definitely better than you. because it has nothing to do with being smart. i'm sorry, but a retard could dish out a large black coffee (my order...not even cream or sugar) upon request. fucking up something as simple as "large black coffee" is a matter of not listening, not caring, some combination thereof, or something else that's completely retarded. there's really no excuse for that.

i've always thought that food service employees should be paid a pretty good wage, but that the hiring process should be more selective. this way smart people would be hired, and orders would be delivered efficiently and correctly. the only problem with this idea is that smart people would be easily bored performing routine food service jobs. so, it looks like we're stuck with dumbasses who make a coffee order more complex than it really is on account of mere stupidity. next time i really need to remember that we now have coffee and filters here. and also, why did i go to mcdonalds when dunkin donuts coffee is so far superior? i'm not a morning person.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

an uninteresting beginning

yesterday was the first time i played poker since i decided i would do that until a "real" job comes along (which i hope is very soon). i broke even. i'll take it. much better than a loss. i was down for a bunch of the day, and worked my way back up to even despite being mostly card dead. i couldn't even get into any decent sized pots. there's really not much to else to say about the day.

high point: i limped in with Ks-5s on the button. the flop comes out 7d-As-9s. everyone checks to me. i bet 15 and get 1 caller. the turn is 3s. he checks. i slow play, and check. the river is 2s. the guy bets 25, and i raise to 75, hoping he's got something good (perhaps the straight, no matter how unlikely it would be that he'd still be playing a 4-5). unfortunately he folds.

low point: i'm the big blind holding 8d-4c. the flop comes out 4d-Ah-8s. fuckin sweet! i check, and another guy bets 15. i call. the turn is Kc. i bet 20, he calls. the river is Kd. now i know i'm fucked, cuz i had him on an ace the whole time. sure enough, he's got it and has a higher 2 pair. that's poker.

Monday, August 13, 2007

frustration, curiousity, and intrigue

frustration, curiousity, and intrigue. they all got together in my head and had an orgy. i'm really sick of interviewing. i've already turned down 2 jobs because they werent right. well, one i turned down, and the other i just let fade away into nothingness. do i regret it? sometimes. but not always.

i'm sick of being either under or over qualified for jobs. the former i understand, and the latter wouldn't be so bad if it didn't make employers dismiss me so quickly. no one's willing to sit down with me and listen to my "i understand this job is shit but i want it anyway because i'm willing to work my way up thru your company" monologue. just sit and listen. sit and fucking listen.

as a result, my summer 2007 income has come from playing poker. finally the frustration, curiousity, and intrigue built up enough inside me, and i said 'fuck it' and i let them mingle. their lovechild became this.

i haven't been able to sit down and read a book yet since law school. this makes me sad, because i enjoy reading (or, i used to). but if this is going to be my "job" for now, i might as well work to get better at it. hopefully something else will come along very soon, but i've learned you can't always rely on education.

i don't regret law school at all. i worked hard, i learned a lot, and i grew as a person. i'm sure i'll get something fine eventually, but this is getting ridiculous. i've grown a lot, but my patience is waning, not that i've ever had a ton to begin with. although, poker does teach patience, at least if you want to be good at it. at least i can learn from something i enjoy. and i need all the patience i can get.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

vintage dicta

i like where i live now. it's closer to friends and family, it's got a lot of stuff going on, and there's a lot to do here. but some things never change.

people (everywhere) are for the most part huge fucking assholes. it seems that over the weekend someone helped themselves to our bikes, which were in the garage. now i'm big on personal responsibility, so before you comment on this that i'm a hypocrite finish reading you fucking douchebag. i accept full responsibility for our bikes being stolen. i have a bike lock, and we meant to lock them up before we left and i forgot. they're in the back of the garage behind a hard top to a jeep, and they've been there unlocked for a month and it's been fine. but i forgot to lock them. so before you open your dumb ass mouth, i blame no one but myself for this.

that said, this is a great example of why i think people are fucking douchebags, completely unworthy of my time or respect until proven worthy. it's why i've always laughed at people who go out into the world to "help people" and "make a difference". fuck that. and i obviously understand that everyone is not this way. maybe not even most people (it depends on how minute a level and how philosophically deep you want to get into it). i treat new people with suspicion and distrust until they prove themselves worthy of something else (this in no way means that i go into meeting someone already not liking them or not giving them a fair shot. i do give them a fair shot. approaching someone new with suspicion is different than not liking them. why should i just trust someone random that i dont know anyway? that's stupid). i've done this for a large portion of my life, and i think it's worked out fantastically so far. i love my family and friends, and i think they're the best in the world. i'm careful, purposeful, and selective, but i dont just hate people for no reason. i'm indifferent to strangers, but i dont dislike them without provocation.

fuck it, i dont have to justify shit to a bunch of anonymous fuckers who read my rambling bullshit. all you need to know is that our bikes were stolen and it was my fault, but i'm still pissed about it (and feel justified in so being). even though i fucked up, it takes a real fucking asshole to steal shit. could've been anyone really.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

non-recommended pre-wedding ritual: bumfights

seattle was...interesting. we touched down around noon western time on friday, which was cool except that the bride to be thought she was picking us up at 3pm. after an hour and a half of not answering the phone/texts, she calls us back and tells us ok, it'll be a half hour. i'm starving, so we go inside. as soon as i pay for my $12 shitty airport sandwich and drink, she calls back and tells us she's there already (only 15 mins later). damnit.

so she's finally there, so we go back to her and her fiances house and shower and hang out for a little. then we went downtown for the red sox/mariners game (of course we went to the only one this weekend where the red sox lost...damnit again). on the way to the game, i thought i saw someone i knew. so i called out her name a few times, to test the waters you know. well, it was her. it was my sister's college roommate (they went to school in ny) and her family. so random, but cool.

i love going to baseball games, especially red sox games, so the game was fun. the bride's older brother got kicked out of the game because security saw him with a flask. it was at this point we knew something ridiculous would happen that night.

after the game was the bachelor and bachelorette parties. the girls went somewhere to dance on the bar and spray beer on fat chicks (ahem, dominique) and the guys walked 45 mins to a bar with a section reserved just for us. just to put it in perspective, there were probably 18 guys at the party, all of whom were also at the game (for the game we had 60 tickets, right along the right field line, first 5 rows. manny loved us, cuz everyone else around us was crappy m's fans). after 1 drink at this bar, about half the guys were dead set on "seeing some titties" so we wandered about a half hour thru the city to a strip club. half of us were more interested in hanging out at a bar and drinking (in washington they dont serve alcohol in strip clubs). we were told there was just a $5 cover, and the guys i needed to be with to find my way back home that night all went in, so i went in as well. when we get to the door, however, the guy tells us it's actually a $15 cover, despite a sign right above his head saying "admission: $5". apparently, you cant get just admission. so while he was taking money from people, the brides brother, her cousin, and i just walk in. fuck that, i'm not paying 15 to see fat, gross, used skanks. and fat, gross, and used they were.

after about 15 mins of sober disappointment, we went a block down to a bar to finish the night. at this point we get a call from the girls. they were supposed to be staying at a place on bainbridge island for the night, but they missed the last ferry over. so we walked in their direction until we could get a cab downtown to where they were.

when we got down to where they were, it was evident we needed 3 cabs to get everyone back to the house. the only problem was that it was already about 230am and many cabs didn't want to drive a half hour to kent where we were staying. but we were already in our cab. when we saw the girls we slowed down and told them to come back to the house. the groom was in the front seat and as the cab just drove buy he evidently just had a goofy smile on his face and waved to the bride, which sent her into fits. there would be lots of yelling later on that night, but it wouldn't all be about this.

the girls then got a cab, leaving 1 more group in search of one. however, when they were searching for those last cabs, apparently a bum came up to them and tried to get change for a $20 bill from them. different stories have evolved, but the main one is that a cousin's girlfriend (this crazy girl named mary) started flipping out at the bum and yelling, and needed to be held back. she was, but then somehow the bride's older brother and cousin started getting into it with the bum. well, this evolved into a bumfight. apparently the 3 were rolling around on the ground and slamming into the buildings nearby. how did it end? well, they got their shots in i guess, but someone fell on the cousin and broke his leg. so, he ended up in the hospital, missed the wedding on sunday, and is stuck there for a week before he can fly back.

saturday was just the rehersal dinner, which was at a park on the island. the views were awesome, the weather was good, and the food was great. sunday was the wedding. it went off without any problems (other than the cousin's absence). everyone was (or became) 1 big drunken happy family, and i think everyone had a really good time. it was really fun. then monday came, and after getting coffee from girls in lingerie, we flew home. it's nice to be back.

i know i phoned in sat-mon, but really they were just good, fun times. plus i'm sick of writing. plus you probably didn't make it this far anyway, asshole.

good weekend. oh yeah, and seattle really does have fucking amazing coffee.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

see ya suckers

in seattle for the weekend!