Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

america, we need to talk

why is everyone so up in arms about freygate? (thanks to lauradorf for finding this article) do people actually care this much? maybe you just love oprah so much that the fact that she was completely duped and went to the extent of phoning in to larry king life to defend the book shatters your world. my response to you is, that's what you get for living in a glass world.

who cares if james frey's "memoirs" are fake? who even cares about james frey? i'd never even heard of him before this. if you're like me, here is some of his work. ooooh he wrote the screenplay for some david schwimmer movie (how do you write in the constant sound of whining anyway?). i'm not impressed. why would anyone want to read his memoirs as opposed to anyone else's?

i am not prone to lying. i don't like it, and i try not to do it. but one area where i'm not really concerned with lying is literature. by literature i mean written works of art, not just any writings. writings to be appreciated in and of themselves (whether or not you like my definition of literature is irrelevant, you now know of what i'm speaking). things such as novels, or even many blogs. lets face it. often times, reality/nonfiction just isnt sexy. if you dont believe me, just click on the "next blog" button for about 10 minutes, or until you want to shoot yourself in the face, whichever is shorter.

to me, the point of literature is primarily the satisfaction of the author. they are producing a work they are satisfied with (until the publishers deprive it of all meaning). part of that is the freedom to convey anything they want to. would you really want to read james frey's truthful memoirs? chapter 1: i was born. chapter 2: i produced grade B (at best) movies. chapter 3: i was never on oprah. i dont think you would.

does the fact that the events in the book arent true make the book less enjoyable? does it matter that the woman slit her wrists as opposed to hanging herself? if it does, 1) you're a sick fuck, and 2) you need to stop living vicariously thru books. dont get me wrong, books are great, but take books for what they are: entertainment, pleasure. it's not like this was some informational textbook and there was a test on it next week, and if you dont put down what really happened in real life on the test you fail. no. you bought the book cuz oprah recommended it (you lemming). and besides, a hanging is much easier to clean up! how considerate frey made her.

think of it like a fruit of the month club (this fruit, not that fruit). if my peach is delicious, do i care if it's from georgia as advertised, or if its really from florida? hell no, i just like that it tastes good.

i dont even think that deep down in people's hearts the outrage is even about the lying. americans have shown that they dont really care if people lie (e.g. 1, 2, 3, 4, etc.). i think more people are devastated that "invincible oprah" got knocked down a peg or two. to these people, i would suggest that perhaps it's time to find a new hero.

Monday, January 30, 2006

several housecleaning issues

1) this guy is my hero of the day. all i can say is that's fantastic, and i'm a little sad that i didn't come up with it first. tear.

2) just because you are handicapped, it does not mean that this cannot (and/or should not) happen to you. i know that the blue little tag looks really pretty hanging from your rearview mirror, but contrary to popular believe it does not give you license to cut me off. when you do so, do not act surprised when i give you the finger. and if you want a complete loss of function in your legs, then i suggest you keep it up. i'm not saying a handicapped person cut me off today and was subsequently given the finger. but it didn't not happen.

motivational monday

*it should be noted that this motivational poster in no way reflects the actual views of dicta. dicta believes that girls who eat meat are extra sweet.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

spiritual awakening

it's absolutely gorgeous outside today for this time of year in my location. it is sunny with blue skies in an area known for permagloom. i called the golf course to see if they were open, and of course they were. it's too nice a day not to be, especially for january. so i called up my friend to see if he wanted to go, but i just got his machine so i left a message. cuz of this we probably wouldnt make the available tee times anyway. but that wasnt going to ruin my day. my options were jumping on with a group i didnt know, or going to the driving range. the former didnt really seem like a good idea for the first time out of the year, so i went with the latter.

it was on the way to the range where i had my religious experience. i was driving along, happily singing along to some clarence carter ("i'm not just good, i'm the best"). traffic was steady, but moving. it's not a huge town anyway. but then it happened: about one minute before the golf course, i passed a church. i looked over, and in the parking lot was a mother, with her son. he was dressed up very nicely, in a shirt and tie, and some nice black pants. and then it hit me like a ton of bricks...

THANK GOD i'm not at church right now.

the driving range was great. i crushed the driver. you KNOW.

Friday, January 27, 2006

you gotta look the part

picture this: two lawyers are standing side by side, smiling at you. one of them has these. which one do you hire?

i thought so. i knew it was totally worth it!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

it tastes like the back of a fucking L.A. school bus

dont be fooled by the post about the gas company, for that was just a hiccup in one day of what has been a fabulous 2006 so far. i couldnt be in a better mood today, and i'm also very excited about doing this next month. it's almost 330 and i still havent had coffee, soda, or tea am i not flipping out yet?

for those of you who doubted my class, dont be too ashamed. i mean, yes, it's a shameful thing, but you couldn't have possibly known i was this classy.

I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline.

i've got a terrible case of

generally one of the more depressing moments each winter month is when i open my gas bill. you're probably thinking, but dicta, what about your credit card bill, surely it must be more than the gas bill. while this is mostly true, at least i derive some sort of pleasure out of many of the things i purchase with my credit card. gas however, only provides me with warmth. and if there's one thing bums have taught us, it's that gas heat could easily be replaced by either booze or a fire in a barrel.

but i occasionally need to be sober for law school, and i dont have a barrel, so gas heat it is. so you can imagine my surprise and anger when i opened a $403.11 bill for the billing period of Dec 16-Jan 18. honestly, what the fuck. to make matters worse my thermostat was set to 55 degrees most of that billing period, as i was not here for winter break from Dec 17-Jan 4. obviously, the first thing i did was call the gas company in a fit of controlled rage.

it seems the problem could be 1 of 4 things. first, it might be that my landlord has a really old furnace and that my apartment is somewhat drafty. odds of convincing the landlord to buy a new furnace? not good. fuck. second, i might be paying for someone else's gas. the lady told me that they could send someone out here to trace the wires, but it costs $66. not just yet. third, it's possible that my meter is broken. for $70, they will take the meter to [state]'s capital, and allow me to personally be there while they check it. 98% of checked meters are fine (and 65% of all statistics are made up). finally, maybe the meter was read incorrectly. and since it's free to have them send someone out here to re-read it, that's what i've done. meanwhile, i've filed a dispute of the bill, which most likely only delays payment.

furthermore, i have old school radiators in my apartment, so i can easily hear when the heat kicks on and off. while i set my thermostat to about 68 or 69 each day, it consistently reads 63-65 during the daytime. usually, for some unknown reason, at night it decides to start working despite the fact i dont adjust it, and brings the temperature up from 64 to about the 68 or 69 i want. but according to gas lady, this is irrelevant. she gave me a brief weather lesson regarding wind chill (if you know how much i loathe meteorology you can imagine how painful it was for me to politely sit thru this), then told me that it doesnt matter if the heat doesnt kick on because sometimes if it's a low wind chill out the furnace and hot water heater will stay on all day anyway. so despite the fact that my apartment remains at a chilly 64, i have to pay for it. booze/garbage fire is looking better and better.

i'm considering the $66 line tracing because last fall when i moved in there was some confusion with the company and my landlord about my apartment number and which meter it corresponded to. but that might just be because from what i can gather, both my landlord and the gas company are fucking retarded. so it might not mean anything. and i dont really want to be out $66 more unless i can be pretty sure i'm right. but it could save me a lot in jan/feb/mar, so i dont know. all i do know is that if my bills stay like this, someone is going to get cut. bad.


shall be the word of 2006 for many local residents, as i passed the vita certification test and can now officially assist them in preparing their taxes. here's to a low taxable income and numerous deductions.

i would walk 500 miles

why don't homeless people migrate south for the winter like birds? in some places, they might even be considered wealthy.

"whoa, his bag is plastic!"

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

life is funny, then you die

it's funny that 2 people can see the same concept in exact opposite ways based on their experiences.
it's funny that people wait until they're diagnosed with a potentially fatal disease to "start living."
it's funny that people allow societal expectations dictate so many of their actions.
it's funny that some people take everything so seriously (then some get sick).
it's funny that some people spend their whole life being angry.
it's funny that some people work 100hrs a week and die unhappy.
it's funny that some people work 0 hrs a week and die unhappy.
it's funny that milk is so "healthy" yet so many people are allergic to it.
it's funny that people idolize people who they see on tv or in movies yet never meet them.
it's funny that some people torture themselves in grad school for several years.
it's funny that marriage is so sacred yet over half end in divorce.
it's funny that news is rarely newsworthy.
it's funny that a man's best friend is an animal and a woman's is a rock.
it's funny that people supersize their value meals then get the 64oz diet coke.
it's funny that people try to impose their values on others.
it's funny that there's such a thing as garlic and onion wines.
it's funny that people sit down in front of the tv to take a break from life then watch reality tv.
it's funny that reality tv isn't realistic.
it's funny that your line always takes the longest.
it's funny that not being satisfied with things the way they are lead to the invention of things that satisfy us, but only for a moment.
it's funny that paper with ink on it in certain patterns controls lots of people.
it's funny that people from new jersey don't know how to pump gas unless they work at a gas station.
it's funny that it's so cold out despite global warming.
it's funny that sometimes things are just so great.
it's funny that i've missed billions of funny things.

what's funny to you?

Monday, January 23, 2006

let's talk about sex, baby

let's talk about you and me, lets talk about all the good things, and the bad things that may be. well, that's supposedly what many of the titles named here claim to do. but there's a problem with the vast majority of these books: they're wrong.

someone once showed me a copy of "he's just not that into you" and i took a few minutes to flip thru it. smuggs has informed me that it's author is a comedian, and it's questionable as to whether or not the book was originally meant as a joke. upon hearing that, it made more sense to me. the book was interesting, but perhaps not cuz of the reason the person showed it to me. it was interesting cuz it was hilarious. for example, just observe the title of the first chapter: Chapter One: he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out.

or perhaps chapter 1 should just be entitled "use your common sense." wait, so that guy i passed on the street who looked at me didnt like me cuz he didnt ask me out? sounds like another reason to become a bulemic chainsmoker if you ask me. but i realize nobody did.

mockery aside (maybe), these books are pointless because they often give universal advice that by necessity is applied to unique individuals. they also set ideals into women's (and men's) minds that are unrealistic, so that every date you go on is a let down. oh but dont worry, said author has another book to help you with that too!

that being said, i have some advice for the ladies out there who want to find someone good:
1) while chivalry is certainly not dead, it's not the 1500s either (nor would you want it to be). of course, it's important to hold doors, treat the little lady to dinner, and compliment her (as long as its truthful). but some books tell women they should not approach men. that's ludicrous. what if it would be something good but you're both big pussies so neither says anything? of course, this logic applies to both genders. but maybe he's a bigger pussy than you are. why do you want to date this guy by the way? maybe you're really a lesbian, i dont know. holy tangent.

2) be what you want to be perceived as. be honest. and if you're looking to get felt up, poked on the dance floor, and have a one night stand, then dress like you're from jersey.

3) dont read tons of relationship books. how can someone compensated for each book purchased know the intricacies of you and your relationships? and if you do, dont tell the guy unless/until you're very comfortable with him, otherwise he might run as if he's a fetus and you work here.

the moral of the story is that the article was funny and i thought i'd go off on a tangent about it for 15 minutes, and maybe help some people out on the way. in my experiences, the best girls dont read those books anyways, while the ones who do have the potential to be crazy. granted most of these books are geared towards women, but as a guy who dates women (a preemptive strike at any gay jokes, nice try), i have never consulted any of these books (for reasons other than humor) and i'm quite happy with how that's going.

motivational monday

was your new year's resolution to lose a few pounds? if so, i have a little advice. i call it...the second installment of motivational monday.

Friday, January 20, 2006

daaaaaamn gina

it's 8am and i'm in class. that hasnt happened since high school. i'm here at the early section of trusts and estates cuz i'm taking off for a sweet weekend trip later this morning. nothing beats talking about dead people at 8am! i actually thought i would feel like death at this hour, but i'm really quite alert and not tired at all right now. it's nice to know i can still surprise myself sometimes. have a good weekend everyone...see you for motivational monday.

Thursday, January 19, 2006


a look at some non-newsworthy stories that made the news anyway

1) junk food lawsuits: because humans are incapable of making their own choices, much less resisting enticing advertisements. the other day i was eating dinner and i saw a tampax commercial and what do you know, i went right and bought some. when i got home, my tacos were cold. but god those were some good tampons.

2) indiana: i find 2 points of interest in this article. first, i find it funny that whether or not indiana should change their clocks for daylight savings time has been "a highly emotional and divisive issue among residents." second, is this: "Gov. Mitch Daniels pushed extensively for the law calling on all counties to follow daylight-saving time, saying it would eliminate confusion and boost commerce." yes, cuz if there's anything less confusing than NOT changing your clocks, it's probably remembering which day to change them and in which direction they need to be changed.

3) there's nothing really special about this one, except when i first glanced at the headline quickly i thought it said "dutch oven" and not "dutch open."

4) to me, theives seem like a perfect pick to be the next american idol. i mean, shows like this have already stolen what may have been remaining of america's soul anyway. plus, think of the marketing if they win. they can produce prison albums, and they wont even have to pay stand-ins for the pictures. and you know the songs about rape will be true. i'm so sick of manufactured pop songs with no meaning.

5) oh, kansas. apparently your intelligent designer isnt intelligent enough to prevent your 11 yr olds from committing aggravated robbery. and i commend you kansas, on standing firm and promoting morals. i mean, a $300 fine and 20hrs of community service seems appropriate. more than that would probably actually teach him a lesson. it's not like he did something awful, like skipping church or voting democrat.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

as requested

lauradorf would like to know who my inner rock chick is, and who am i to turn down that invitation?

You Are Ani Difranco!

Honest, real, and well liked.
You're not limited by any boundaries.
"And you can call me crazy
But I think you're as lazy as white paint on the wall"

the description is ok, but i still just threw up all over my desk, my computer, and myself. i think i need some zoloft right now.

dead (wo)man walking

whoever designed the shutters on my building should be viciously gang raped by a large pack of wild, previously abstinent white bengal tigers. then, they should be mauled by said pack, and eaten as dinner. worst...nap...ever.

it's a free ride, when you've already paid

so i'm walking back to my car after class today, and i'm thinking about people. people as a whole, not anyone in particular. i've lived in both the north and the south, and one difference is that in the north it's more the norm for people to pass each other and not acknowledge each other's existence (i dont mean to imply that this never happens in the south, it just happens less frequently). some people are ok with that, while others are bothered. i'm ok with that.

then there is the situation where you're kind of walking next to someone, both going in the same direction at the same time, and relatively the same speed. many people will either speed up or slow down so as to not walk next to the other person, while some dont mind. i dont mind. it doesnt make me uncomfortable.

so i was walking back, and this girl was sort of walking next to me. there was no acknowledgment. however, another girl was approaching, and the 2 girls stopped to talk. i walked to the end of the block, and crossed the street. as i did so, the first girl jaywalked diagonally, so we were once again walking side by side. still no acknowledgment. she sped up to walk in front of me. she smelled kind of like pine trees, but authentic ones, not the pine tree air fresheners. well, it was either her or all the pine trees on that street.

she takes the next left, and i follow as i'm also parked on that street. i get to my car, and i'm unlocking the door, and she's the car right in front of mine. i'm thinking how its funny, we walked almost the whole way, and not even eye contact or a nod or anything. but like i said, i'm ok with that. i can generally adjust to however the other person reacts. if they dont acknowledge me, i dont hold it against them. but then

"oh hey. i should tell you, i backed into your car this morning when i parked. your car is fine, but it scratched my bumper."
i look, and sure enough, a big old scratch on the back of her mercedes. then i look at the front of my car. no harm done, she hit the screws that would hold in the front license plate, if the state i live in required one.
"that's ok. there's no harm done. it happens."

then i got in my car and drove off, and that was that. and to answer your questions, no, the irony of the situation didnt escape me, and yes, i did really just bust out some alanis.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

lesson learned

never help anyone.

so after class from 1030-4, i had vita (volunteer income tax assistance) training from 630-10 tonight. despite the fact i was already tired, i had no choice in the matter. so i get there, and the lady to train us goes thru her introductory mumbo jumbo, then finally starts in on showing us how to file the returns on the computer. now i'm sure its not difficult, but all the training and practice problems we have done (we got homework for this, mind you) have been in the paper forms. there are many shortcuts on the computer program we need to familiarize ourselves with, but a 4 hour crash course where she speeds thru it is hardly the way to accomplish that.

but maybe i'll somehow know everything by the time we start in 2 weeks. or not. all i know is i've already done a shitload of work, i'll be spending 4 hours of every week until april 15 on this. what have i done?

i'm frustrated and exhausted. fuck it, bedtime.

Monday, January 16, 2006

motivational monday

many bloggers have some sort of weekly post. generally, the one's i've seen have been on fridays. so i figured i'd pick up the slack, and get people's weeks started right, with a little monday motivation. if i remember, this could be a weekly event. if not, who knows. but the point is, its for the people. monday sucks ass, so hopefully this will lessen the blow. sometimes i may post it on sunday night, or maybe not until monday night. without more, here is the inaugural monday motivation:

Saturday, January 14, 2006

who is dicta?

one aspect of blogging is the ability to be anonymous if you so choose. i have gone with the semi-anonymous route, meaning if i post a comment on someone else's blog i'll use my real name, dicta, rather than posting as "anonymous," which is really annoying. i think people should back up their statements, and if they are too insecure to do so, then they dont belong in the blogging universe. at least not my blog, which has a spine. i have not, however, added a profile picture, though i have thought about it at times. as i gain a more faithful readership (by which i mean more faithful than the nothing it once was), do i owe a duty to quench the curiousity thirst of my readers? it's a tough question, so rather than think about it, i've decided to cave in to the unending pressures of the blogosphere. so, without further ado, i present to you...dicta:

Thursday, January 12, 2006

a dream realized

every once in a while someone you should hold onto comes into your life. for me, this is someone who would punch a deer in the face for me. not only did she punch him, but it also apparently killed him, knocked the fur/skin/meat off his face, and separated his head from his body. now that's a good left hook! i just want to say thank you, td.

i love desk, i love lamp

i love anything that isnt sales or professional responsibility right now. and what's the deal with the UCC anyway? oooooh look at me, i govern contracts for the sale of goods, ooooooh. but i'm too good to discuss services. if you were really so special, the common law wouldnt have to fill in so many gaps in the code.

i can already tell this wont be my only latenight, incoherent post of the semester. i'm taking 16 credits, which isnt really ridiculous, except for the fact that it's 6 classes, and professors dont care how many credits the class is worth when they assign the reading. i'd like to do well this semester to solidify a good gpa, as this is still my first year at new law school, where, for better or worse, i get to start over. on top of this, i'm a volunteer for the VITA program (though i'm still in training to learn how to help people...the more sessions the better i think). though the original goal of a good gpa and participation in employment-attractive activities seems good, i wonder at times whether or not in some weird ironic twist i'm spreading myself too thin so that i will neither get good grades nor participate to any honorable extent in some activities. let's not even talk about the amount of cover letters/resumes i still need to send out. HEY, i said shutup.

though i'm pretty sure in the long run it will be good for me. maybe everything on my plate will keep me focused. if today is any indication, i wont have time for much else...though i think today wont be commonplace. assuming you actually do the work in law school, the most important thing you can have is omniscience. but second to that is organizational skills. if i plan ahead and get my shit done, i'll be fine. yeah, i'll be busy, but i'll still have plenty of time for roadtrips to the great nw, golf, and boozing. to reiterate the sentiment of an earlier post, life is good.

aaaaaand, i'm a bastard. goodnight folks!

*a preemptive disclaimer: in case you were going to either a) bitch at me about my poster or b) try to convert me, save your breath (or i suppose in this context, save your wrists an extra 3.6 seconds until carpal tunnel). i, personally, have nothing against god (except for the fact that he killed my grandfather and slept with my sister) or anyone who believes in god. the problem i have is with people, such as the one featured, who use god/religion in a malicious, hateful, persuasive, and/or fear-inspiring way. everyone is entitled to their own personal beliefs, but when people take pat robertsonesque views and use them as fuel for action, well that's just fucked up. you might be thinking, but dicta, you just said everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, then you criticized pat robertson. well, kind reader, that's cuz the line needs to be drawn somewhere, and some beliefs are just retarded. but i mean, yeah, sharon's stroke was probably due to divine intervention, and not the fact that he was old, fat, and leads a stress-driven life.

preemptive disclaimer 2: besides, if you dont have a sense of humor, you're going to hell anyway. see you there. we'll do lunch or something. i hear the tacos are killer.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

motivation for the tired and weary

Monday, January 09, 2006

get my kicks, on route...95?

where i like to kick it

utah, arizona, and new mexico really shouldn't count...i sat on the 4 corners landmark thing so my ass could be in 4 states at once. i heard gift shop sales in those states hit an all time high that day.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

2006: a week in review

i gotta say, 2006 is off to a damn good start. i rang it in with some of my best friends, which is a great way to start it off. champagne and goonies--i think thats how every year should start. the next morning i had the mandatory post-drinking breakfast of greasiness at the diner. i've also begun dating someone who i think is wonderful and i feel very good about it. school is about to start up again and finally this weekend i've felt more relaxed and ready for it. i wasnt ready last week. i've been talking to friends, watching football, and just enjoying myself in general. ok i cant think anymore cuz i'm bui. class in the morning.

life is good.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

meme, whatever that means

but all i know is i got tagged by jlee, and i clearly wasnt going to do work anyway. this time i must confess three things i do that others dont know about. hmmm i guess that rules out joan. in fact, that rules out a lot, since i'm kinda open about stuff.

1) when i set my alarm to wake up for something important, i check it approximately 80,457 times. ocd much?

2) inside my apartment, i almost never wear pants or shoes. both are for suckers!

3) i have a pretty bad memory, and i have to write everything down if i'm going to remember it. i dont even remember what i did this morning, other than talking to smuggs.

ok, now i tag three people. i choose:
1) smuggs
2) holmes
3) thenambypamby

and remember, its like ludacris said: if you have buckles on your shoes, you are not pimpin'

Thursday, January 05, 2006

its good to be king, unless you mean burger

well i'm back in law school city after a wonderful break that was far too short. one thing this means is more frequent posting, as i will have much more interaction with strangers. another is i'm back on my own for meals. well, i havent had fast food in like a month, not that i need it, so i went to burger king for a quick lunch after i did my errands. now i've traditionally had very poor service at this particular bk, but there weren't any cars in the drive thru line so i figured at least i'd only have to sit thru incompetence with my order. well, i was half right.

despite the lack of anyone in line i pulled up to the thing and they said "be right with you." i can only imagine she went to masturbate in the fries or something, cuz it was not a peak lunch hour nor was the place busy. but even if she did, it wouldnt matter. i ordered my meal, and asked for sweet and sour sauce, to which she replied "we dont have any sweet and sour sauce. we're all out."

i'm sorry, WHAT??!? burger king. BURGER KING doesnt have sauce?! you spend millions on ridiculous, and not funny, ads with some guy in a fuzzy robe and plastic face, yet you cant supply your own franchise chains with sweet and sour sauce? you MUST be kidding me right. so i said ok, and just drove off. sucks for the guy behind me who got my sauceless meal. its good to be back around fucking retards again. i almost missed it.

so i did what would spite bk the most; i went to mcdonalds, who did have sweet and sour sauce. also, i think they added something to their nuggs, they tasted good. i hope it was extra fat. also, they gave me some coupon for buy 5 extra value meals and get the 6th free. yeah cuz that's what i (and america) need. shiiiiiiiiiiiit.

in other good news, i went and bought my books for my first 5 classes (i may or may not have ranted about getting bumped from the 6th cuz this law school can suck on my ass, but only the left cheek), and it turns out my seminar class doesnt even have a book and my advanced tax class has the same books as my basic tax class last semester. woohoo! you the man, prof barker!

jan 5

just had an awesome chat. i'm in a fantastic mood. the end.

Monday, January 02, 2006

2006: you willlllll, be loooooved

2006 is way better than 2005. to add human character to the comparison, 2006 is like a priest, 2005 a bent over altar boy. actually, 2005 wasnt that bad (unless you're the altar boy). i learned some stuff in 2005, and maybe i have some resolutions for 2006 that i wont follow thru on.

THINGS LEARNED (i totally stole this idea from smuggs)

1) my friends are the greatest. you might be thinking yours are too. but they're not. there can only be one greatest, sorry. your friends are still ok though, i guess.

2) you wont be happy unless you be yourself. this sounds cliche i know, but before you award me the rainbow of obviousness trophy hear me out. if you expend too much energy trying to please other people, you wont be happy. and lets face it, other people are damn hard to please. dont take any of their shit.

3) joan really does love me.

4) #3 reminds me, i learned what rearloading is, in the tax context.

5) things are nice when you keep in touch with those who are important to you.


1) fewer speeding tickets. not speeding is not an option.

2) be more blunt/honest...sugarcoating doesnt help people. if they dont know whats going on how will they make good choices??

3) punch more deer in the face.

4) as many readers have undoubtedly realized, i'm far too sympathetic to people sometimes. i need to try and conserve my sympathy.

*by resolution, i moreso mean i hope these things happen. very little, if any, effort on my part will be expended to make sure these things happen

i'm quite dissatisfied with this post, but it's all you're getting. i just feel burnt out and unmotivated these days. good thing school picks up again soon.