Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

networking gone awry

as i have mentioned, dominique and i recently moved to a new city together. i didn't go to this city with a job lined up, so part of my job now is networking. i've been on a number of interviews and have just talked to other businesspeople in general, but another way i network is on the golf course. i don't have a golfing buddy here yet, so i usually golf alone, which i don't mind at all. in fact, i rather like it most times. and quite often i end up playing with businesspeople of one sort or another. like today.

i played a pretty bad front 9 today, and at the turn there was a foursome on the 10th tee moving rather slowly who didn't let me play through at that point. as i was waiting, a guy named bill sauntered up so we decided to play the back 9 together. after pretty much imploding on the 10th hole, i played very well from 11-18 which was nice. bill and i chatted here and there as we went. he was a pretty nice guy. he must've really enjoyed the round with me, however, because after the 18th he gave me his business card. i was interested, since i'm always looking for new opportunities. i took it, thanked him, and glanced down to see this. maybe i have a future in dance?

Monday, July 30, 2007

i love golf

and stories like this. this is awesome in so many ways. first of all, the golf rage is hilarious. second, firing the caddie in the middle of the round is something that you see in a movie (see tin cup). but there are really 2 things that make this story great. the first is that the fired caddie, in his frustration, took a handful of golf balls and threw them into a nearby lake when he was fired. that's awesome. it's human. you don't see that much. the second great thing about this story is the random spectator being pulled inside the ropes to be the caddie for a day. who wouldn't want that?? so cool.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

santos and me

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

happy bar exam day

suckers. have fun in a life of slavery. not even the 13th amendment can save you now.

Monday, July 23, 2007

oh mls

this is why no one cares about you. or maybe it's this. could be both. and beckham can't change that.

the mls is pretty much just the adult version of a youth soccer league. they go out onto the field, kick the ball back and forth a bit, occasionally score (though usually less than youth soccer), then go home. and after the game, everyone tells them what a good job they did and how everyone is all impressed, even though it's not true. plus, they usually just tie (whereas in youth soccer they might not keep score), so everybody's a winner! yay! oh, it's so heartwarming!

then they all eat some orange slices and go home with a false sense of accomplishment.

Friday, July 20, 2007

camping for the weekend

later suckers.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


the incredible system of rehabilitation...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

file it under

no fucking shit. or, i told you so.

Friday, July 13, 2007

bend it

then stick it up your ass. or beckham's ass.

everyone's making a huge deal about beckham and his lame ass spice-wife coming to america (doesn't she even have some tv show about it or something?!). personally, i liked coming to america better the first time when eddie murphy was involved. they've even gone so far as to make that lame commercial where all the people in europe are crying reading about him leaving, then there's some inspirational message to us telling us to embrace beckham.

who fucking cares? first of all, he plays SOCCER. last time i checked, americans don't give a fuck about soccer. it almost makes the headlines when the world cup is going on, but then the US goes 0-4 or whatever and we forget it exists again. but this isn't even the world cup. he's coming to play on the LA galaxy. in some obscure american soccer league. that americans don't care about. so they probably shouldn't try to make us care about it, because we won't.

the only people who care about beckham's arrival are the soccer league itself, people obsessed with the fact that he's being paid a ridiculous amount to play something americans dont want to watch, or people obsessed with celebrity. because let's face it, this arrival is more about the celebrity of beckham and his wife than it is about soccer.

are americans so stupid that we need to be told who/what to like? well, i don't doubt that many are. and i bet this whole thing will somewhat work. but the result will be short-lived before our attention wanes (after all, the only thing americans can focus on these days is themselves and food). but right after themselves and food comes celebrity for some ridiculous reason. everyone is obsessed with celebrities and want to live that life and be with them until they actually are, at which point they completely breakdown and complain about lack of privacy, then downward spiral into ridiculousness (see: britney spears). and then we're supposed to feel sorry for them. hahahaha, yeah right. that's like feeling sorry for people who run with the bulls then get gored. bitch please.

UPDATE: this is great.'s online poll today is "how would you describe your interest level in david beckham's arrival to the US?"
- excited: 13%
- intrigued: 25%
- annoyed: 5%
- DON'T CARE: 57% (including the plurality of every single state)

Monday, July 09, 2007

suck it up america

when i was a kid, occasionally feeling not happy was called being normal. now everyone's a pussy. listen, if you're never happy, don't bring others around you down too. just quit your bitching and kill yourself.

so glad i'm out

pennsyltucky is so retarded. the natives can't even keep their state open.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

exactly what you'd expect from a walmart story

last night dominique and i went to walmart, and as we were parking there was a car parked at the end of one of the isles of the parking lot. it had a handicapped sticker in it (of course...handicapped people can't park) and was near the handicapped spaces, but directly in the middle of the lane. we had to go thru the actual spaces to get around this car.

as if that wasn't bad enough, the driver came out of the store around the same time we did. it was a little frail old lady who was wearing sunglasses at 10pm. she also had bandages on her legs, and basically just looked completely incapacitated. she (very) slowly loaded her crap into her car. dominique and i stuck around to watch her, because just by the way she was parked we knew something was going to happen. it was inevitable.

well, she started her car and for some reason the hazard lights came on. it took her a full minute to realize this and figure out how to turn them off. then, she put the car in reverse and backed directly into a car on the other side of the isle, then simply put it in drive and drove away.

i've said it before and i'll say it again, people who are truly handicapped should not be driving. and oh, goddamn old people. handicapped people and old people are 2 of the worst kinds of drivers out there, and handicapped old people are just an accident waiting to happen. hopefully this woman kills herself before she kills someone else, but i wouldn't be surprised by either. in the meantime i hope something pans out from the accident report we filed with the police. get that bitch off the road.

Monday, July 02, 2007

dell jr: linksys

i managed to find another company about as retarded as dell (they probably both had the same alcoholic mothers who drank during pregnancy/formation). back in 2004 i bought a linksys router so i'd have wireless internet for my computer during law school. (i've written 2 sentences and been kicked offline twice already. and i'm not fucking around, i'm just writing here.)

i had some minor problems with the router the first year, but they were remedied and overall the router worked fine. then i moved. the last 2 years the router has worked very well without incident. we just moved again, and suddenly the router is the biggest fucking piece of shit ever. yes, an even bigger and more worthless piece of shit than paris hilton. i wasn't sure that was possible. it is, but it's close. anyway...

so i've gone to the linksys website for support (when i could actually get online) because the internet fucking out multiple times every time we sit down to use it is unacceptable. i've done all the shit on the website: i've changed the router channel, i moved it away from metal objects, tvs, the walls, and we dont have a cordless phone. we named and password protected our network, and yet none of this has done a goddamn thing. i finally broke down and did what i knew would be an awful awful thing...i called linksys.

now i figured i'd be on the phone for a while, which i was, but i also figured they'd help me to fix it, which they won't. evidently, my warranty ended in 2005. that's fine. i dont want new replacement parts, and i dont want a service technician to come to my apartment. all i want is for someone to fucking talk to me on the phone and help me figure out what's wrong. the router has worked great this whole time, so i'm sure it's not defective. it's got to be a tiny little issue. fuck, even dell has a phone support system that's free for issues like this. sure, you probably can't understand the indian-english, but they're trying to help. they have nice scripts and they're willing to read them to anyone who will call in and listen.

but not linksys. no, not fucking linksys. for some reason, linksys decides that after your warranty expires, well then fuck you forever for everything. you want us to talk to you for 5 mins for free? fuck you, customer, fuck you. two of the phone monkeys tell me i have to pay $30 to talk to a technician who "may or may not...but probably" will be able to help me. a lot of fucking good that does. so i have to pay for a service that is free anywhere else and i'm not guaranteed to have it fixed. fuck you, give me your supervisor.

well the first asshole i talked to told me all his supervisors were in a meeting then. not being a fucking dumbass, i told him that i highly doubt that ALL of his supervisors were in a meeting at 230 on a sunday afternoon. in perfect english (which makes me skeptical...everyone i had to spoke perfect english) he told me that it's actually 230am where he is. so i told him that makes it even more unlikely that all his supervisors were in a meeting. he was being a fucking asshole, so i let him know that. then i made him promise that a supervisor would call me when they got out. now i knew it would never happen since i'm not a fucking retard, but i made him promise it anyhow. and he did.

but by 11pm i was pissed off because we'd lost the connection at least 15 times since the first call (i shit you not. we lose the connection multiple times every time we use the internet). so i called back. after talking to phone monkey #2 for a while, i finally got her to connect me with her supervisor, who was a fucking moron. now i knew i wouldn't get anything different from the supervisor, but maybe she'd pass me off to her supervisor. and if not, then at least i'm talking to someone closer to them than the phone monkeys are.

we went around in circles for about 45 minutes before i let her off the phone. she told me the same old shit, that it's their "company protocol" and how she realllllly wanted to help me but couldnt (yeah fuckin right). i pushed on, and she asked me if i wanted her or the phone monkeys to lose their jobs, which is evidently what would happen if she gave me free tech support. i told her that if they're not good at their jobs then they should lose them, and i asked if linksys wanted to lose customers. i also asked her if she knew of any other companies who make reliable routers (and she actually gave me 1 or 2 names). she kept insisting that i did not understand the company protocol, merely because i disagreed with it and called it ridiculous. i told her that it is a logical fallacy to tell me that i dont understand something simply because i call it ridiculous. surely there are ridiculous things that could be understood. this doesnt even delve into the whole idea of what is ridiculous. she just laughed and said "you are funny" and changed the subject.

i have fucking morons and fucking piece of shit companies. fuck you linksys.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

NOT badass

it is not badass when you can barely grow any sort of scruff on your face and you're wearing a white hoodie pulled up over your head, a backwards baseball hat, and sunglasses, and then you sit down at the poker table and buy in for $60. not badass at all. even less badass is when you then slowly get blinded down and bitch about the way the dealer is dealing the cards. man, that guy was a douchebag. but that's exactly why i went on a saturday night. thanks for the money, douchebag.