Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

follow up

just think, for only $3770 every single one of them could send an email!

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Monday, February 26, 2007

the end is near

3 vdubs for under $17,000!


everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant, it just makes me want to set myself on fire

i make fun of conservative republicans a bit on this blog, but bleeding heart liberals are equally deserving of criticism.

in internet law today we were talking about spam and a case where some guy spammed a whole lot of people via email and the state of washington was trying to hold him liable under its anti-spam law. after we talked about the case we were talking about ways in which this type of thing might be prevented, and someone suggested charging a small fee (like 1/2 cent) for each email such that it would be cost prohibitive to spam large numbers of people. this is an idea that has been legitimately discussed. but then she raised her hand.

the bleeding heart liberal with her unwashed hair, her hippie clothes, her lip ring, and her hairy armpits (i shit you not) had something to say. she goes on to say that she doesn't like this idea because what about the poor homeless people who won't be able to afford to send emails?!

maybe i missed that day in con law, but i dont remember learning about an absolute right to free email. was it a tack-on right? i mean, i reread the bill of rights briefly to find out but was that right? did the 5th amendment really proclaim the right to due process, freedom against self incrimination, and the right to free email? holy shit! james madison was a genius!

it's not like it would be $5 per email. it's less than one cent. hell, go recycle the can from the beer you just finished and there's 10 emails. you're welcome hobo,


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Saturday, February 24, 2007


Friday, February 23, 2007

lent and hypocrisy

i'm not christian, so i only really celebrate lent as a matter of convenience. i celebrate when i realize somewhere between february and april that there happens to be something i want to give up. i didnt even realize it was lent until i got mail from my parents which happened to contain a 2007 calendar. upon hanging the calendar and turning it to february i noticed that wednesday was ash wednesday. i didn't see anyone with ash on their face this wednesday because i didn't have any classes that day, so i sure as hell wasn't going to interact with law students then. actually, that's not entirely true, as i played poker wednesday night with 9 other law students, but none had ash.

anyway, it's lent, and i've been feeling a little hypocritical lately. i always bitch about law students. it might even seem as though i hate all law students. i assure you that's not the case. that said, the majority are gigantic douchebags. they think they are funny when they're not. they act like they're so badass when they're not. a law student thinking he or she is badass is the equivalent of the strongest guy in the chess club thinking he's badass. sure, you're badass within your little mileaux, but step out into the real world and you're on your ass. which is partially why i think many law students choose this path...they view this field as either powerful or prestigious (or both) and want to compensate for a lack of power or notoriety earlier in life. but i digress.

the point is i want to give up regularly reading boring blogs. sure, every once in a while i'll check in to see how the perpetual trainwrecks are going, but i would like to waste far less time here. writing is my therapy and its why i write my blog. i enjoy my friends' blogs as a way of communication and entertainment. some other blogs i find either amusing, interesting, thought provoking, or insightful. but really, if you're not any of those 4 things, why am i wasting my time? i enjoy blogs that have even one of those things, you need not have all 4. and that's not to say that some people who write blogs i find boring dont leave interesting or insightful comments, because they do. it's just that things they opt to write about don't interest me. and it really is a matter of my own personal preference here. i am the one reading it, so i will judge it by my standards. that doesn't mean that you, or anyone else, dont like it, but i dont. and it's time to reclaim some daily "dicta time."

so don't take offense if i've unlinked you (or take offense, i dont care). it just means your blog wasn't my style. and really, no one should care what my style is other than me. but my blog was headed in a direction i didnt like, so i'm taking it upon myself to change that. i'm not trying to offend any of you invisible anonymous people out there. but if i do, i would hesitate to immediately become angry with me, and i would first ask myself why it's so important to have my "approval" as given by a link on my blog.

that said, see ya suckers.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

up yours bitch, i do what i want

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

where's the beef?

Monday, February 19, 2007

ripped off

this guy totally stole my idea! oh well, there's always room for an extra religion i guess. i'll just have to tweak something, like the name of my church, or the savior.

never watch the food network while eating lunch

rachel ray's authentic philly cheesesteak (arguably the only good thing to ever come out of PA) made my tuna sandwich look dilapidated and unappetizing. and i love tuna.

"after looking at all that tuna, it's not long before i'm thinking about some lunch."
--rachel ray, an hour later

Sunday, February 18, 2007

done and done

Friday, February 16, 2007

where's bob barker when i need him?

car dealers are funny. so far i've gone to 2 dealerships and i'll probably hit up a third tomorrow. the one i went to today seemed like a better place, whereas the one i went to last week was much more your stereotypical car dealership.

today i went to a place right in town (and it was the more normal one...weird, i know). i asked for the guy to whom i spoke on the phone yesterday, and i'm glad i did. he was a nice guy. very low pressure, willing to just talk about the cars and what i need. i didnt feel so much like he was trying to convince me to buy a car as just showing me what he had. it was nice. there's something to be said for that. plus his name was kenny cramer. seriously. same name as the real-life guy that kramer from seinfeld was modeled after. but i digress.

i took one of the cars out for a test drive. we went back to his office and he quoted me some prices on 2 of the models i looked at. he fucked up the price on one of them by $500 and just said "my mistake, we'll leave it." hey, free $500. i asked a few more questions, he responded, i left. i was there for an hour and a half, but it felt like half an hour.

rewind to monday. i had an appointment with a saleswoman, but as i walked toward the building a salesman in a suit quickly sidled up to me and enthusiastically asked me what kind of car i was looking for. i told him i had an appointment with someone and went inside. he quietly opened the door for me, his ego deflated.

i met with the woman and took a car out for a test drive. she asked questions about i a student, do i have siblings, etc. when she found out i had a dog, she suddenly had two. we came back and went to her "office" which was just a desk against the wall in a row of desks. she continuously asked me if i might be purchasing that day, and did not seem ready to offer me a discount if i paid in cash (the other guy would take $1000 off). she frequently caucused with her manager, and upon each return numbers seemed higher than they were before she left. then the manager came over and they worked the strength in numbers routine. the manager was even pushier than the saleswoman. she suggested that perhaps i ought to consider a compact car. i said no, that's not what i want, and besides, i have a dog so i want more room and something where he wont fuck up the back seat and render it unusable like he did with my corolla. all of a sudden she (the manager) was a dog owner too! what a coincidence. now i'm not saying that either one of them really doesnt have dogs, but frankly i dont give a flying fuck. that in no way impacts whether i trust you more or less, or if you're being fair with me or not.

i'm probably going to hit up 1 more dealer tomorrow, then call it a day and make a decision. i can't wait for this to be over.

i'm a believer

in karma. just kidding, some things never change. but 2 things happened today that almost made me question my non-belief. almost.

1) my school is closed tomorrow. i dont have friday classes so it doesnt affect me, but it's funny. it's funny because my school's brilliant administration decided to change buildings this year from a nice, comfortable, spacious, loved building with a central convenient location to a building in the north end of town that is cold, unwelcoming, not conducive to a school, hated, and right across the street from a huge truckstop. all the bad weather pennsyltucky has been getting combined with the fact that apparently the invention known as the snowplow has yet to reach pennsylvania has made for tons of accidents all over eastern and central pennsylvania. despite the fact that it hasn't snowed since wednesday, my school is still closed tomorrow because all the traffic means severely limited access to the road our new school building is on. it seems as though so many trucks had to stop because of the traffic that the road will be unnavigable. smart move, administration. way to be across from a truckstop.

2) this morning i was walking to my rental car to go to school when this guy who frequently visits my old neighbor next door (i think he's her son) called over the fence and asked me if i had a car. i said i did, and he asked if i would help jump his truck. he had cables, so i agreed. he was a nice enough guy, and he thanked me several times. then, after his car started he told me a little story i hadnt heard yet. he told me that mary bought a car yesterday (how i dont know, i dont think she works unless she's a prostitute which is a possibility, though i still dont know how she brings in any money even if that's the case). then he told me she also wrecked it yesterday.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

a modest proposal

congressional action is needed. perhaps even a constitutional amendment. this phenomenon is out of control, and it needs to be stopped. the phenomenon i refer to is of course drive-thru employees wearing way too much of a perfume that is just heinous.

listen, i understand that these people want to smell (bad?). but honestly, their job is to handle other people's food. i dont want to be reminded of their horrendous snarltooth every time i bring my coffee up to my face. why should my breakfast suffer simply because these people have a taste for walmart brand perfume? and why is it on their hands? i mean i assume, perhaps wrongly, that they dont rub my coffee on their body before they give it to me, so it must be on their hands. so do they spray their hands? do they spray god knows where then touch there then not wash their hands before handling my food?

i appreciate that they want to smell what their conception of nice is, but i feel that the drive-thru window is an inappropriate place to do this. besides, after more than 15 mins at work they're just going to smell like fried food anyway. and who are they trying to smell "nice" for? their boss who they bang only because he makes $12/hr? are they thinking that some customer will ask for their number? that wont happen as long as they smell like the pet section at walmart.

what it really boils down to is this: if i actually wanted my shit to smell like walmart perfume, i'd use it in my cooking.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

valentine's post

love is...reciprocation:

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

common sense

my school is retarded. not even slightly, but more like i'm-so-slow-i-cant-compete-in-the-special-olympics retarded. honestly, every other fucking institution of any sort in this county and the surrounding ones are closed, yet my school remains open. i've preached many times before about how my school administration doesnt give a shit about the students, and this is just another example. and i know many people are saying just dont go to your classes. and i wouldnt, if my professors didnt think they were teaching fucking kindergarden, where they take attendance. god damnit.

more proof that pennsyltucky is just retarded. yeah, i'm sure she fell on the knife. several times.

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

the grammys

by grammys i dont mean a bunch of elderly women gathered together in a room, but it's about as entertaining as that.

why are the grammys SO bad? i mean, i knew they would be bad, all these fake ass awards shows are. but it's really the r&b/soul awards this year. where are good bands? this is supposed to be for all music, no? or is it just for r&b?

so far i've seen the black eyed peas looking like complete assholes up on stage. why was that one guy wearing a scarf? and why are they all wearing sunglasses? i think stevie wonder is the only blind guy there. as far as tone deaf goes, well that's another story (again, see black eyed peas). also why was mary j blige on stage twice within 10 mins? i didnt even know she was still alive! i think i was in middle school the last time she had a hit. she might be deaf too, actually...when the music starts shut the fuck up and move your giant ass off the stage bitch.

and why does john mayer look like a cheesy lounge singer?

so i flip over during a family guy commercial break and who is presenting but seal. i'm sorry, SEAL?!! what, did everyone who's been performing in the last 15 years call in sick?

also, who are these hos who want to sing with justin timberlake? why should anyone care about them, and even more, why should anyone pay money to text who should sing with him? if they're not doing a duet of "dick in a box" i'm sure it's not even going to be worth it.

ok, mary j just sang, and now my ears are bleeding. at the end of her performance she was crying though, which leads me to believe maybe she knew how i felt.

and now reba is on and they're talking about country music. wow, this went from BET to redneckfest real fast.

aaaaaand the rascal flatts just made me hate the eagles. boo. and that guy sounds like a woman. wait, i stand corrected, they all do. oh my god, the singer broke out a fucking air guitar! now i'm just waiting for them to start ass raping each other on stage. make them stop right now.

now some old guy is making a plea to keep funding for music in the school systems. it sounds very desperate. it's one thing if kids like it, but i remember being forced to join chorus, forced to play the recorder, forced to be in concerts...all it got me was resentment towards those programs.

ok i havent really been watching anymore. so i'm done here. way too late. even the commercials in the middle are lame. i want the last 3 hours of my life back.

one last thing in hindsight. i think i heard that they only presented 18 of 108 awards on the televised program. in three hours. THREE hours, and only 18 awards. honestly, who did the tv editing? if i lived in another country and was under the impression that americans actually liked this shit, i would have lost a ton of respect for us tonight.

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

support our troops

you heard me.

obviously this does not apply to all troops, but shit like this happens all the time. i stirred up some controversy with a post about this stuff a while ago too as i remember.

also, haha.

also, how the fuck do you link to an old post with the stupid new blogger? even when i go to my archives the "previous posts" are the ones i just posted this month, not the previous ones from that archive like in the old blogger. so fucking lame.


Friday, February 09, 2007

day 1

haha. that's funny.

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

problem solved...for now

first, i would like to thank dominique for listening to me bitch about all this shit and for making helpful suggestions, some of which i'm going to try. second, i'd like to thank damon for making suggestions and aiding my search. finally, i'd like to thank holmes for the kind words.

i tried calling the dealership again after my last class today and finally got thru to a person who could help me. however, i was informed that my car "could die at any time." i picked it up anyway. i'd rather hitch 1 ride to a rental car place later then continually be assraped by using the "loaner" from the dealership. also, despite telling me it would cost $200 to diagnose my car plus $38 for the rental, the total only came to somewhere around $116. no complaints here, nor was i going to bring it to their attention in case they made a mistake. that would be retarded, and last i checked i had the correct number of chromosomes.

so that's that for now i guess.

one more thing, though. when i tried to log into blogger to post this, it would not let me do it unless i switched to the new blogger. i did it because i wanted to post, but i think it's complete bullshit and i hate it. new blogger sucks. labels are gay (gay meaning stupid, not attracted to other labels). and when people comment it doesnt show their little pictures anymore. and i didn't like the look of my dashboard either. all together, new blogger sucks. but it appears there's nothing i can do about it for now. whatever.

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cue the daily rant

yesterday i found out that my car needs $5000 in repairs. it's kelly blue book value is about $3100. well ok then.

when i brought the car in i got a loaner from the dealership because it's about 15-20 mins from my apartment and as if this shithole of a town isnt normally bad enough, it is about 100 times worse without a car (of course if the fucking administration didnt move our school to the new building in this town i would still be able to ride my bike, making not having a car for a few weeks mostly a moot point). and of course, since i did not purchase my current car from this dealership they're charging me $38/day for the loaner. assholes.

so today i have a quick lunch break between classes, and have class all afternoon. i called on my lunch break to speak to a technician to see if i can just keep using the car for a few weeks just around town here. so i get some useless receptionist or something at the dealership, who tells me that every single technician and/or person from the garage or anyone who might be able to actually help answer this question in any way whatsoever is tied up in a meeting for a while, and they wont be out before i have to go back to school. fucking awesome. so now i cant find out if i can drive my car or if it will die, which means that since every fucking person is in that goddamn meeting i have to spend an extra $38 and keep the car until tomorrow. what the fuck.

and i KNOW these fuckers are going to try to get me to buy a car from them, cuz they already hinted at it when they called me to tell me i was fucked yesterday, and told me i could use my car as a trade in for a value yet to be determined. and i almost cant fucking wait until they do so that i can tell them how fucking terrible their service is and how i called today and not a soul could fucking help me, and how that instills so much doubt in my mind about their service and customer care that i would NEVER ever buy a fucking car from that dealership, even if i wanted a toyota. and oh, i want that last fucking $38 back, assholes.

also, dear neighbors: if i choose to wear flip flops, dont act like my fucking parent and tell me i'm going to catch a cold. i've had colds before, and i'm still alive. i've also worn flip flops year round for about 4 years now. so fuck off. just because you're 10-30 years my senior does not make you my parent, and it does not make me subject to your subjective ideals. shut the fuck up.

end rant.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

this made my day

fuck you dell! finally, someone recognizes and announces that dell makes outdated, unappealing pieces of shit. i love it! kevin maney you genius!

dell is no longer unique. dell is no longer on the frontier of its market. dell is losing ground fast to (and has even been eclipsed by) competitors. in two words, dell sucks. and i love every second of it.

it is time for you to die dell, and i will be there, standing right next to your grave, pissing.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

worst idea ever?

i was watching the price is right today, so naturally all the commercials catered to the old and feeble. but there was one that struck me as somewhat inappropriate.

an aarp ad talked about giving seniors car insurance, and it advertised that under one plan you might qualify for no penalty for your first accident. i'm sorry, but this is a terrible idea. it's bad enough there are already so many small old people with poor eyesight and reflexes who inch out then stop, then out, then stop, then out, then stop, then finally decide to go when someone's too close and then an accident happens. let's not let them think "hey its ok, i my rates wont increase after the first one!" it's bad enough you let them think they should still be driving.

really, old people should have to retake a driving test every couple years. and yes, i'd even apply that to myself and my generation when i get older. when i'm that age i plan on having a chauffeur anyway.

Monday, February 05, 2007

irony and pennsylvania

one of my favorite and least favorite things respectively. see last thursday's newspaper:

"a party celebrating the success of an anti-gun hip-hop song by a local artist ended when a member of his entourage shot another member of the group over a borrowed car. . ."

Saturday, February 03, 2007

live and learn...or not

i love dogs, but what's the deal with pitbulls? honestly, they attack people all the time. they're not really dogs as much as they are wild animals. and of course everyone seems to know that one exception, that one pitbull that's just really loving and friendly and not at all like the stereotypes for the breed. my cousin has a pitbull and that's how she describes him. and i used to almost buy into all that bullshit, until it bit me. i wasn't even doing anything. we were standing in the living room and i was talking to my cousin, her then-husband, my parents, and my sister. and he just walked up behind me and bit the back of my leg.

people with pitbulls get mad at me now because i call them on their bullshit when they say that their dog is the exception. yeah, well i just dont want your fucking exception to bite my leg. i really like animals, (particularly dogs and particularly not deer), but i rank pitbulls in the same category as stray cats: euthanize me please.

Friday, February 02, 2007

pity party

when i read other blogs i tend to notice one thing above all others--that many bloggers write pity posts about bad stuff that has happened to them and want commenters to say nice things. well, i rant a lot on this blog, so i want to make one thing absolutely 100% clear: i never ever want any of your pity.

think of it like this: my blog is my corner of the internet. i write here because 1) i like to write, and 2) it makes me feel good. and when something i dont like happens, writing about it can often make me feel better. but i do not write to you. i do not seek your advice. i do not want your pity. you are merely a passerby, observing my writings. now, if you have a genuine comment, a clever anecdote, or something interesting to say (even if off-topic), then by all means i welcome you to comment, and wish that you do. but don't give me fake pity. i dont need or want that.

and what is it about the pity that makes people feel better? it's one thing if it's a close friend or family member, but how does it help that someone you dont know who only knows the situation based on what you've written (biased from your side of course) tells you it's going to be alright and you're probably right to have said or done whatever you said or did? honestly, fake pity from anonymous strangers over the internet would make me feel worse about myself. how does one handle daily ups and downs with such codependence? did your mother breastfeed you until you were 6 or something?

that said, things are going great. the semester is progressing nicely and classes are bearable (or maybe i'm just happy because i'm visiting dominique this weekend and i'm already there). no complaints here.