Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

back and better than ever

just got back from the halloween festivities. what a blast. i'm exhausted. that's how it should be.

great to see old friends, some of whom i hadnt seen in close to 3 years, but it was just like yesterday. awesome to see all the good costumes from a transformer (like 8ft costume w/ a laser gun), little red riding hood, the dukes of hazzard, magnum pi, a sheep molester, molestobot (combo of robocop and hugh hefner) just to name a few. played a little golf on sunday, and played ok. all in all a fantastic weekend.

but for now, the sun night football game is on and i'm exhausted. time to watch a little more of that, then head off to bed. so happy about that extra hour now.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

serious for once

tonight i talked to a friend of mine who spent some time in the military. a soldier they spent time with in saudi arabia was one of the most recent deaths to occur over in iraq.

pro or anti war aside, i think the worst part of the whole situation is that i don't think the average american appreciates what just happened. while they sat on their statistically fat ass eating a triple quarter pound fast food greaseburger, some of america's finest are half a world away fighting and dying for the freedom of the citizens of another country. but the average (sorry for the generalization, this doesn't mean every) citizen here is too preoccupied with who's the latest mindless rich spoiled fuck to hookup on laguna beach or who's the latest undeserving no-talent uppity motherfucker who got "punk'd." give me a fuckin break. yeah i watch tv. but i know where it fits in life. not very high on the priority/importance list.

and what pisses me off even more is i see my friend and how it has affected them, and i can only imagine how hard it is for the family, but to many it's just another article in the paper or news clip. when did people who are doing something actually important become less recognized than people with money and fame? or maybe it's always been that way. well that's bullshit. i'm calling bullshit on america. you may not like the war, but you have to give it to the soldiers who are over there fighting it. do they want to be in a life or death situation everyday? no. but it doesnt matter, because they are.

dont want to read about the war or watch news clips? fine, i can understand that. war is terrible. but that does NOT give anyone a free pass to ignore it. even if you go about it in your own personal way, care about it. occasionally think about it. think about those on the front lines. think about those who volunteered to go represent our country. think about those who didnt volunteer specifically to fight in iraq but who were called to duty anyway.

i'm not calling for anything extraordinary or drastic here. i just saw what happened and how it is affecting my friend, and i got a slightly different perspective of things. and it pisses me off. again, it's fine to be against the war. but take that up with the president/administration. it is irrational and moronic to not support the soldiers because of a decision made from the safety of a different hemisphere.

i disabled comments for this one. i dont want to start a debate about it. i just want to think and maybe you to think.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

a slip of the tongue

and i'm not talking about me and your mom last night. i'm not gonna get very political, but just one thing. tonight i saw a news clip that was highly disturbing. trent lott, commenting on the withdrawal of harriet miers, said that he's sure president bush will look all around the country and find a suitable "man, woman, or minority" to fill the position. wow, what a fucking dick. isn't it so weird how white, southern republicans are always accused of being racist? i wonder where that stereotype comes from.

party over here, party over there

this weekend has the potential to be interesting.

heading down to my buddy's house for a halloween party. it'll be real good to get out of town for a few days. maybe dabble in a little golf on sunday. hopefully it'll be nice.

so at said party, there will be a girl i used to have a little thing with, as well as an ex girlfriend. both from undergrad. they werent ever good friends, but they knew about each other. the ex didnt like the other thing one bit. i havent talked to the first girl in several years. it didnt end badly, just awkwardly. probably moreso for her, as it's a proven scientific fact that i dont have feelings. but she had just graduated, and i stopped by her place in the summer on the way to another friend's, we went out for the day, had a good time, then it got weird as to where things were going. and then that was pretty much it.

the ex is another story. we dated for a while in 2001-02 at undergrad. she broke up with me in february 02 cuz she was graduating and "didnt know where her life was going." a vague reason, yet the best i ever got. i would later find out that this life confusion was common to most senior girls, but tha'ts for another post. so she was confused. but i still liked her (notice: liked, as in past tense), so i said we should still be friends. for some reason, i actually meant it. well friends lasted for about a week or 2, then we just wouldnt talk anymore. finally i said something and it was good for another week or so, but then she disappeared again. then in late april/early may, i started the thing with the first girl. well all of a sudden ex wanted to be friends again. amazing how that works. but then they graduated, and summer came, and that also fizzled (as noted above). so naturally, ex disappeared once again. so i decided to make things definite. i sent ex an email that said hey, we tried friends, it didnt work. you're only friends when you want or when you found out i was hanging out with girl 1. dont waste my time or yours, and never talk to me again.

i was proud of myself, it felt good to put that behind me. and she didnt talk to me again, didnt even respond to that email, until a year later when she randomly sent me a "hey how are you" on instant messenger. she must've been drunk or something. either way, i was just short with her, the convo lasted 10-15mins, and that was that. but now, there's a chance she's coming on saturday.

i'll probably jsut ignore her, as i have no desire to be friends or even engage in fake small talk. what's the point? but if she successfully corners me, i'm not a dog, i wont piss on the floor. i'll politely excuse myself to the restroom (even if i just came from there) or to get a beer (even if i just got one - hey, double fisting is socially acceptable). it's not that i intentionally want to piss her off, it's that i dont give a shit. but if i know one thing about women, it's that boobs are nice. but if i know two things, it's that boobs are nice and they dont like to be ignored. well, should've thought about that before you were all vague and sketchy.

on a side note, my most recent ex is having a party in the same town the same night. randomness.

either way, it's gonna be an awesome weekend with awesome friends, and maybe a little golf. plus, i will have a mustache, and i wont be thinking about law for a few days. how sweet is that? life is good right now.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

hero of the day

in my infinite randomness and easily entertainable disposition, i often become enthralled with ridiculous things for periods as short as a day. this week it's evidently the side ponytail.

my hero of the day is (drumroll, griswold family style): katie, for wearing a side ponytail for the entire duration of tax class today, based upon my mere suggestion that that's what should happen. she strategically aimed it to the left, towards me, so that it indicated who her co-counsel would be if she was called on. that being said, we both escaped the wrath of alimony payments today.

so here's a tax quiz: say i go to vegas with your mom, and we get drunk and tie the knot. the next day, when we eventually regain consciousness, we realize the potential awkwardness of me being your father, and we get a divorce (and not an annulment, for argument's sake). by our divorce decree, i am to pay your mom alimony. so the first year, i pay her $90k, in year 2 $70, and in year 3 $30k. can i deduct these payments?

answer: no, because the difference between the payments is too great. as a result, the recaptured amount will be treated as income for me, and deductible for your mom under IRC section 71. what we did was front-load the alimony payments, something congress wants to prevent. further, congress doesnt look past year 3 in its calculation of front-loading, so if we had just rear-loaded the payments i would've been able to make the deduction. damnit. it should've been so obvious, since i enjoy rear-loading your mom so much.

come on, you HAD to see the rear-loading joke coming. you know i'm not above that.

Monday, October 24, 2005

a random thought.

i was reading something on the "real time with bill maher" website (something my friend holmes would know nothing about) about starbucks, and it made me think. it made me think back to the time i was on a layover in an airport and none of the food places (i will not call them restaurants) were open besides starbucks. so i got a pre-made sandwich. something like $10. ridiculous. and it wasnt even that good. at least at burger king i can "have it my way," even if that way leads to a lifetime of chronic obesity. but i didnt say anything, just ate my sandwich and got on my plane.

everyone always says you cant complain to these people cuz it's not their fault and it wont hurt the entity that is starbucks. i disagree. here's my hypothetical scenario:

go back to the counter. "i cant belive you charged me $10 for this shitty sandwich. this thing sucks, and it's overpriced."

"i'm sorry, sir, i dont set the prices."

"well you just tell your manager or whomever, register my complaint."

seemingly harmless, right? wrong. if you say it in the right way, the employee gets pissed off. they're in a bad mood. they bitch and moan all day, and the manager fires them. then, the manager has to find a new employee. meanwhile, the staff is light and the employees need to cover. finally, they get a new hire. someone, somewhere has to do the paperwork. also, maybe had they had the extra employee, they could've sold an extra double-caff medium foam blended mocha latte with whipped cream and sprinkled nutmeg. the company lost potential profits. sure, it may be a de minimus infringement on starbucks' business, but it's something. nothin like stickin it to the man! poor employee though. they probably deserved it for working there anyway.


right now my priorities are about as straight as tom cruise. last friday we turned in our appellate briefs, and ever since then it's been bad news. first there was the weekend of debauchery. today, i skipped my afternoon class to play golf.

but i can justify it.

for the last 3 weeks pretty much all i did was drink coffee and work on my brief. the plan was to go golfing on friday after turning in the brief. it rained. saturday it rained. sunday was gorgeous, but i was hungover and still had all my work to do. so, today being the legitimate first nice day, my buddy and i hit the links. not a bad day either for me, even had a birdie.

sometimes there are periods where your only motivation is to do enough work to not be embarassed if called on in class. sometimes not even that. it's things like a nice afternoon of golf that keep me going. now i will sit down and do my work for tomorrow.

hey, maybe my priorities are straight after all.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

civil HO-cedure

last night was one of those nights that brought me back to undergrad. it began innocently enough. a wine and champagne party at my friend C's, for her birthday. ordervs were served. it was a black and white theme, so i broke out my finest black sweater with cigarette burns in it, shampooed my beard, picked up some wine, and i was off.

got to the party and i said to the cabbie, you holmes, smell ya later. actually i walked. in the rain. but that was soon forgotten as the corks were removed, and the wine was flowing. if you know anything about law school, you know much of the conversation revolved around talking about professors and other classmates. who did or said what, who's dating who, etc. several hours and many bottles of wine later, we headed out to the bars. who knew this would only be the beginning of our night.

first we went to bar B. this is the unofficial law school bar in our town. when you walk in, you inhale mass amounts of both arrogance and secondhand smoke. some good looking undergrads walk by. things are beginning to warm up. several girls are met with random introductions. a few pitchers and meaningless conversations later, and we're ready to move on.

bar G. this is actually my first time in bar G, as it's usually last on our circuit, and we never really get past bar B or bar F (still to come) by 2am. it's a much more chill scene, with more tables and booths, and much less milling around. loud and less smoky, A and i begin.

"hey, look at her," A says.

"not bad. i'll be your wingman if you want."

"yeah, let's go."

we head over to townie 1 and out of town visitor. the general intros are procured, and meaningless babble begins. A is doing well with t1, but her friend is giving me trouble. she didnt want to talk about anything. i wonder if it would've made a difference if she knew i was only helping A out, and wasnt actually trying to hit on her. either way, friend T steps in and relieves me for a little. more hanging out and bullshitting with the birthday girl and the others.

130 rolls around. some people want to go over to bar F for some last drinks and maybe to dance a bit. normally i'd give this idea a filthy look, but i'd had a ton of wine and a good amount of beer, so i said hell yeah, let's do it. we ask t1 and out of town visitor if they want to come. before they can answer i grab t1's hand and lead her out the door. lame ass visitor has no choice but to follow. honestly, what's she going to do, she has nowhere else to go (which reminds me of a joke: what's the best part about dating a homeless woman? you can drop her off wherever you want).
on to bar F. by this point everyone's had too much. as soon as we get there t1 spots someone she knows and goes over to talk. with only 30mins left, A and i are like, well f that. he already got her number anyway, so up towards the dancefloor where the rest of our friends are. on the way, we pass a girl wearing a camelflouge baseball cap. instinctively, i stop her.

"hi, my name is Oscar, and i'm from mississippi and this is my friend A from georgia. are you supposed to be a huntress or something?"

now this might need a little explaining. back at bar B, we saw lots of undergrads in halloween costumes. why, we couldnt figure out since halloween is still over a week away. i thought these damn liberal arts kids were supposed to be smart or something? maybe just rich and spoiled, i dont know. anyway, i evidently assumed her hat was a costume, and figured it would be more pc to call her a huntress than a hunter. what did it get me? the look of death, then she just walked away. we lauged it off, cuz shit, it was hilarious. we laughed a lot.

up on the dancefloor now. "this is A, from georgia"


1. who has a favorite state?
2. even if 1, who picks georgia????

last call hits, and we make our way back thru the bar. we go back to C's house, talk a bit about the night, then everyone parts ways around 3.

last night also made me feel like i was still in undergrad today. massively hungover, tired, and worthless. but that wasnt enough to stop some lady who was at least in her 40s to hit on me at the meat counter at the supermarket. she told me my roast beef looked delicious.