Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Friday, September 29, 2006


dominique's here for the weekend! as president eisenhower once said in his farewell address, "see ya, suckers!"

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

control your pussy

sometimes i find it hard to believe how irresponsible people are. take the woman who lives downstairs. she has 2 cats, which she cannot control. so why, WHY, would you leave your door open so they can just run outside? now she cant get one of them. and she has no clue where the other one is.

so i take santos out and she tells me not to worry, that if something happens to the cat she "doesnt care." i "shouldn't worry" if santos hurts the cat. of course this is just a day after telling me that the cats will be ok outside cuz they still have their claws. well i'll tell you what, i dont give a shit about your cats either. but what i do care about is my dog. i'm worried about your cat scratching my dog in the face. dont you see him sitting there hissing at santos?!

when i take santos out, i put him on a leash. i control him. he wont hurt a person or a thing (not that he would anyway cuz he's so friendly). so if you're going to let your cats out, you need a way to control them. i have nothing against cats, but i swear, if either cat comes after santos i will kick it as hard as i can to protect him. i'd much rather have scratches on my foot than on santos' face.

i heart blogs, i club seals

today i was thinking. i'm very happy with my life right now. probably the happiest i've ever been. now before you diagnose me as bipolar, hear me out.

as my real life friends (arguably the only ones who really matter anyway) know, this blog is but one side of me. this blog is therapy. i rant here so that i dont carry any frustration over to the other facets of my life. and largely, it works. plus, i think ranting is funny. and i love funny.

dont mistake this as an admission that anything on my blog is fabricated--i assure you it is not. i do despise my school. but i largely write about the bad stuff here, while in reality i attempt to make the best of it (which i admit, is quite taxing at times...or damn near impossible). after all, who the hell wants to hear about how i enjoyed my time in the cafe with my coffee doing the crossword? or the 5 minutes before class i spent talking and laughing with my friends? no one. or at least, not you. not random readers.

so really, you should be thanking me. and you're welcome. but i love writing, and i love this blog. and i plan on writing for a long time to come. but i was thinking, perhaps i'll post about different types of stuff now and then, just to mix it up, and preempt any "cheer up, emo kid" comments people might think of dishing my way. i assure you that while i do the cutting, it's never to myself.

i've just gotten to the point where, although i still think ranting is funny, i'd like to explore other areas, and write about other things too. life, philosophy, whatever.

and with that, i'll end this on a high note. see how i bring my posts full circle? you love that.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


today i entered a contest and if i win, i might win my own weight in cheese! it's unclear as to whether this would be all one kind of cheese or if it would be a variety (my guess would be the latter), but just in case, i must pose a question: if you could get 190lbs of only one kind of cheese, what kind do you get?

i think the obvious choice is a sharp cheddar. but there are many varieties and cheese choosing strategies. do i go for what i like the best? do i opt for the most expensive, realizing i'll never eat it all and should sell some of it? how does one go about maximizing the pleasures of winning a cheese contest?

what kind would you get?

i will be mulling this over in the coming days. but for now, start lactating cow!

that's why you live here

the lady who moved in downstairs from me this summer is somewhat of a mystery. at first i thought maybe she was a student, but she's not. her parents helped her move in, but they dont live around here.

she talks about not having a car, but as best i can tell she doesnt have a job either. she's often up late at night, but also early in the morning. she always sits outside talking to our other pennsylvania hick of a neighbor. or our redneck neighbor guy. or both. or she sits at the table and paints, or makes birdfeeders from old car parts. or she weeds the yard, messes with the plants, or chain smokes on her steps.

redneck guy has a roommate (let's call him rg2) who he cant stand. evidently, rg2 is being evicted. rg1 has been "staying" with this lady until this process is over. of course, i dont ever see rg2 around their apartment either, so it seems vacant. and the lady's bedroom has a door on a landing of the stairs up to my place, which she often leaves open. last night i saw rg1 in there without his shirt on. i dont think he's sleeping on the couch.

i feel gross everytime she pets santos then he comes and licks me. she needs a job, so i dont have to endure these awkward conversations every time i take the dog out. she also has creepy cats that just sit in the window and stare at anyone passing by. she creeps me out.

this post is really cryptic, so i'm done here.

Monday, September 25, 2006

men at work

it's monday, so that means back to the grind, at least for a few days. and i didnt disappoint. my first class today was conflicts of law, and i worked my ass off during class to take notes that would exactly capture the essence of this class. i did an awesome job, and came up with the following. really, i deserve a break now. done and done.

motivational monday

it's back, at least for this week. cherish me. you're unworthy.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

some things in life just need to be shared

Thursday, September 21, 2006


why does something become popular and then everyone feels the need to latch onto it? dont they know it just makes them seem shallow, vain, and retarded? the latest thing is justin timberlake (just goes to show how in the shitter americans really are)(i think it's timberlake, not positive). anyone who ever says they're bringing sexy, or anything else, back should just be punched in the throat. i wish your mom would bring an abortion back.

one of those days, they're more frequent here

i'm sick of pennsylvania
i'm sick of repetitive days where nothing of importance ever happens
i'm sick of having tons of worthless shit to do
i'm sick of unintentionally pissing people off
i'm sick of reading a bunch of shitty blogs by people who think they are clever and funny
i'm sick of being bored despite long to do lists
i'm sick of hating 99% of the people i see everyday
i'm sick of pretending i like them
i'm sick of the law
i'm sick of people who dont have a sense of humor
i'm sick of obligations
i'm sick of being somewhere i cant stand
i'm sick of people telling me the year will go by quickly
i'm sick of my shitty apartment with a shitty shower and shitty heat i cant control
i'm sick of worrying about stuff
i'm sick of having anything less than 100% control of my life

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

everybody loves dicta

i got some nice stuff in the mail today. granted, i still havent received the gift i bought for dominique (there will almost certainly be more on this soon), but i got other stuff.

first, omaha steaks decided that i am someone who "travels in style, eats in fine restaurants -- and appreciates the difference between dinner at a four-star restaurant and a sandwich on the run," and that i'm therefore part of a "very select group" worthy of a "special invitation." and the deal does seem like a good one, tons of meat for only $60 (a savings of $145). but i'm right in the wake of a disaster from a similar thing, so all i will be doing is accepting the absolutely free 6 piece cutlery set.

you see, recently the pga partners club sent me a letter (6th reminder) that i need to pay. they claim to have sent me a welcome kit (which they didnt), activated my players club card (which i dont have), and started my subscription to a members only magazine (which i've never received). this note also mentioned (threatened?) that they passed my name to a collection agency, so i called them up yesterday. the woman assured me my name had not been sent, and that they dont do that until the "8th or 9th" letter. so why does it say that? she had no answer. she offered to send me the stuff that's promised, but i laughed at her and told her to cancel what they think is my membership immediately. i also told her to send me a signed, dated letter that my name has not gone to a collection agency as she claimed (i dont believe her), because i could see this turning into something later. she assured me it wouldnt affect my credit since they dont have my ssn, but i hate her so i told her to send the letter anyway. then she told me they didnt have that letter. i told her there were probably lots of worthless people at her company and one of them could take 5 minutes to type one up. i also told her i will keep calling until it happens. we'll see how that goes.

anyway, the other nice mail i got today was my wonderful grocery store, giant, sent me a free gillette fusion razor, and coupons for shave gel and more cartridges. this can only mean 2 things: either they love me, or they want me to shave because i'm scaring all the retarded people who stand there like dumbasses in the middle of the isle when i scowl at them. either way, it's win-win!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

kings among men

i've mentioned before how much i love dunkin donuts, and how the one in law school city here is probably the only thing here that operates efficiently and doesn't reek of pennsylvania. well, i just went there again and again they were efficient, and the lady hooked me up with an extra donut. fantastic.

hooray for dominique day!

old people revisited

as always when i go grocery shopping, i have something to say. i got in the shortest checkout line, hoping for it to move swiftly. just 2 old guys, neither with many groceries. the first guy pays with a check, about as slow as i've ever seen anyone pay with one. the second guy didn't bring enough goddamn money into the store and had to go back out to his freakin car to get money. to complete the trip, it began pouring as i was inside, and now my clothes are in the dryer. pants suck anyway.



and for this special occasion, a little tuesday motivation:

also, we cant forget about this today! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

Monday, September 18, 2006

i'm ashamed to admit i live here

holy fuck pennsylvania. one of my downstairs neighbors has a son who is probably 13-16 years old. he's sitting outside listening to music, and singing it all, very loudly. his mother and another neighbor are outside with him, talking. this wouldnt be so alarming except that in the last 20 minutes what i've heard him rapping includes, but is not limited to, the following:

i smacked that bitch and i came in her mouth
suck my dick
something about sleeping with africans
and a whole lot more shit i cant even remember

maybe it's not so weird to be a young teenager and sing that stuff in front of your mom where most of it probably also applies to your relationship with her, i dont know. can anyone from pa help me out here? i'm not sure i want to know, however.

without a doubt

i would have done the same thing. dogs are so much better than people.

i hate pigs

i dont mean bacon, pork, ribs, or the like. bacon is my heartsong. i mean cops.

besides simply being average irresponsible, hypocritical citizens on a huge power trip because of their matching outfits, cops often disobey the law in order to enforce the law. one thing that really pisses me off is cops who sit on the interstates and try to catch people speeding. is there really nothing better you could be doing? i assume the idea of the speed limit is to make the roads safer for the citizens and visitors of the state. but when people see cops they freak out and slam on their brakes, even if they're not speeding. if there's any traffic at all, this makes the road less safe than simply letting everyone drive 75-80mph.

but last night, as i was coming back from visiting dominique, i saw something that really pissed me off. it was about 9 or 930, so it was dark out. the portion of the interstate i was on was unlit. i came over a hill, and just sitting in the shoulder, in the dark, lights off was a fucking cop. i was going 80-85, so i slammed on my brakes, apparently enough to not get pulled over. i'm no condom manufacturer, but that just seems really fucking unsafe.

so i did some research into pennsyltucky law, figuring this had to be against some law or public policy. and by some, i mean very little, cuz it was just for a blog post. the closest thing i could find was 37 PA ADC § 42.22, vehicle stops and pursuits, which reads, in relevant part:

(a) Stopping suspected violators while operating an unmarked police vehicle . Police officers stopping suspected violators shall attempt to ascertain the safest available location for the police officer and the motorist, consistent with the need for prompt action. Police officers shall take into consideration the road and weather conditions, terrain, lighting, traffic and the nature of the violation. The police officer shall also attempt to choose a location that will afford both the driver and the police officer a sense of safety.

now i dont know about you, but to me this seems to scream (whether they mean it or not) "we care about safety!" despite the fact that this section names unmarked cars, it still evinces a policy that pa is concerned with safety. so how the fuck is sitting right on the shoulder, over a hill, on an unlit portion of the interstate fucking safe?

but what's going to happen? absolutely nothing. cuz people dont seem to care about shit like this. cops get unchecked power in certain circumstances just cuz they took some oath to uphold the law, and for some reason people believe that, completely ignoring the notion that power corrupts. but think about it this way: if tom cruise took an oath saying he wouldnt suck anymore dick, would you believe him? didnt think so.

also, pennsylvania really smells like shit. and i mean that quite literally.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

i'm alive

i just went up to visit dominique for the weekend. it was awesome. but dont worry, i'm back in shitty law school city now, so bitterness is sure to ensue. and where there's bitterness, there's blogging. you love me.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


it's not often that i am incorrect. the fact that it was the law school who fucked up is a perfect example. observe the beauty of it all. again, i must give some credit to the listserv. god it feels so good.


In order to help address the study space constraints we experience during our peak periods of occupancy in the [new] Building, we will be adding as many study carrels, tables, and chairs as feasible to all hallways and other available spaces consistent with fire code regulations. Please remember that you always are welcome at all times of day and night to use any open classroom or conference room for studying purposes; available seating often is abundant in these rooms.
We have decided to proceed with the installation of an additional parking lot between the Hampton Inn and the Marriott Hotel that should be completed within the next few weeks (perhaps as soon as ten days). This lot will have a capacity of about 100 spaces, which should alleviate completely the parking shortage we experience during our peak class periods each week. We will not be instituting a charge this academic year for parking permits in conjunction with the new lot.
Please continue to inform me, Student Services, or your SBA leaders of other issues that may arise in conjunction with our adjustment to our temporary quarters.
Thank you for your continuing cooperation.

(colors/bolding mine)

old people - what the fuck

yesterday i called in my allergy prescription to cvs, so today after my morning class i went to pick it up. i walked back to the pharmacy, and there was an old woman at the counter then an old guy and an old woman sitting in the chairs cvs always has by the pharmacy. i get in line behind the old woman.

for the first few minutes, the pharmacists seem to be ignoring us completely. there are 3 of them at the counter, just filling bottles with pills. i imagine that 1 is working for the old lady in front of me, but really, do they need 3 people doing that when there's a line? my prescription was already filled and waiting, since i'm not irresponsible like the old lady in front of me.

so the old lady is helped, and the woman behind the counter asks how she can help me. suddenly, the old man who was sitting springs up and says, "excuse me, i was next." what the fuck? listen old man, there are things called lines. if you want something that other people also want, you wait in them. and if standing for the extra 5 minutes is going to kill you, then it was probably just your time anyway. if you had died in line, i might've even bothered to step over you on my way to the counter.

as soon as the pharmacist is done with the old man, the old lady who was sitting asks, "is mine almost done yet?" to which the pharmacist replies, "i just finished it, yes." so now this old bag, also not waiting in line, gets up and walks right in front of me to get her pills. old lady, if you cant go an extra 2 minutes without your pills, just accept the fact that darwin is trying to tell you something. besides, if you had died in the chair you wouldnt even be in the way. so either get in line or wait your fucking turn.

nobody likes to wait in line. but as bad as that is, it's even worse to get cut...twice. fucking old people.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

probably the greatest case name ever

juicy whip v. orange bang
185 f.3d 1364, 51 u.s.p.q.2d 1700

paging doctor kevorkian

i got a haircut today. i hate getting haircuts. i like that my hair is shorter in the end, but i hate the whole process. today, as i waited to get it cut, i heard the girl who would later cut my hair saying how she felt that her beauty school didnt give her any experience on how to cut guys' hair and how the first time she got a guy she freaked out, and how she was new at this haircutting establishment.

i hate that they raised the rates from $12 to $16 over the summer. really? a 33% increase? for guys' hair? honestly? soon i'm going to start cutting this shit myself. especially cuz i often hate how it comes out. today, i had tons of random hairs sticking up when she was done with the haircut. she was right, she can't cut guys' hair for shit. i could've slipped my head under some emo kid's razor and gotten a better haircut. i should not have to fix my own haircut when i get home. bullshit.

lastly, i hate the atmosphere of hair places. i would never kill myself, mainly because i love myself far too much. but if i wanted to but just couldnt pull the trigger (so to speak), i would just go to a hair place and sit there and listen to the stupid, innane, boring, idle chatter which ensues during every single haircut ever. the same girl who cut my hair had been talking to her previous victim about how she started college but it just wasnt for her. and she started at a really shitty pennsylvania college too (is there any other kind of pa college?). boy was she right. i dont even think she was cut out for middle school.

what i really need is a stylish gay guy to cut my hair. their prices are probably higher, but considering the alternative its probably worth it. plus, they'll certainly do a good job. i hear gay guys are really anal.

Monday, September 11, 2006

it's a cold day in hell

and indeed it was a cold day here in law school city, which you knew if you read my earlier post about how the terrorists control my shower. but it was a cold day here for another reason too: they finally installed outlets on the desks (tables) in (at least) one of the big classrooms!!!!!!

law school, please let me be the first to say, "IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME."

terrorists control my shower

i know what you're thinking, "dicta smells fantastic." but also, "dicta is insensitive." yes, it's september 11, but you know what, the real one happened 5 years ago. and it, or it's aftermath, are discussed every single day. i have no problem with remembering it, and i think we should, but we havent forgotten it yet. i dont want round-the-clock cnn coverage of footage from 9/11/01. why cant we make today new york day, or wtc day, or something with a better name than those? like we have pearl harbor day (i think?). and yes, i'm sure they talked about japan bombing pearl harbor everyday until ww2 was over. but that was a war between sovereigns where people had definite enemies. this war now wont see an end. so while today is a very unique day in american history, we already remember it everyday. certain ceremonies and stuff are fine, but let's not go overboard.

but now to the topic at hand. my shower fucking sucks. it was cold and rainy out when i got up this morning. all i wanted was a nice shower before class. the first minute was fine, then the water got freezing. i turned it up. it became scalding. i turned it down. still scalding...still scalding...still scalding...still scalding...finally, back to freezing. i turned it up. warm, but not hot enough to be great. it'll have to do. the controls dont do shit, except make it either freezing or scalding. just because my apartment is in the "downtown historic district" of [law school city] doesn't mean that the water system has to be 300 years old and fucking suck.

however, one thing that cheered me up was seeing some douchebag driving into school in his convertible. and it was raining. i hope the top got stuck. pretentious asshole.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

the longest post in the world! or alternately, fuck you law school!

my law school has an extra chromosome. the administration cant do anything right. we recently received an email about parking from the dean. well, this touched a nerve among myself and much of the student body. so here is an effort to post a bunch of the email reactions in chronological order on the listserv (one's with colored introductions are the better reads, generally (though some of the others are quite good too)). did i mention how much i love listservs? so, dear readers, grab a (big) drink, settle in for a bit (i'm sure no one will read it all), and enjoy:

first, the dean's email:

Dear Students:

I am writing to let you know that the law school is evaluating possible solutions to the student parking situation at the [new] Building. The “situation” is that, during a few two-to-three hour blocks of time each week, we do not have enough student spaces at [new bldg] for the number of students driving cars, even though we simultaneously do have substantial unused seating capacity on the shuttle buses we run between [old bldg] and [new bldg]. At all other times during the week we seem to have more than enough student parking spaces (while still having unused capacity on our buses).

You may have read in the [local newspaper] today that one of the solutions we are considering is to add an additional parking lot for students between the Marriott Hotel and the Hampton Inn (an easy and safe walking distance to [new bldg]). This would solve all parking capacity issues and provide the flexibility many students desire to arrange their own transportation schedules. However, it also represents a very expensive solution to a problem that is confined to a few relatively narrow periods of time and that could be solved instead by an increase in bus ridership. Therefore, if we choose to incur the expense of adding an additional parking lot, it is very likely that we would need to cut back somewhat on our bus expenses (e.g., by eliminating the largest bus and running two smaller, less expensive buses, on the same schedule we use today). We probably also would institute a reasonable monthly parking charge to help defray the cost of the new parking lot (most likely a two-tiered charge depending on proximity to the building, with users of the new lot paying less than users of the building lot. The amounts would be comparable to student parking charges at [other school location].).

If you have additional suggestions or preferences about parking at [new bldg], please let me, [other] Dean or the SBA know. As most of you are aware from your experiences at [old bldg] and other educational institutions, parking capacity is a pressing issue almost everywhere. I hope to be able to provide more definite information about parking at [new bldg] within the next week.

In the meantime, please remember from [other] Dean's August 23 announcement and email that, while we appreciate your efforts when necessary to park safely and in a nonobstructive manner outside of our existing lot, there are three areas in which you may not park or you will be ticketed and/or towed: “(1) in the spaces assigned to Giant and not released for Law School use; (2) in areas which block emergency vehicle access (marked with orange cones); and (3) in areas which block the gravel drive back to the farm.”

Thanks for your cooperation.


Heads up!
In case you didn't already read Dean's email, I suggest you do so! Our parking situation is about to get more frustrating. The most important part of his message is:

"We probably also would institute a reasonable monthly parking charge to help defray the cost of the new parking lot (most likely a two-tiered charge depending on proximity to the building, with users of the new lot paying less than users of the building lot. The amounts would be comparable to student parking charges at [new bldg].)."

In case you are not familiar with the parking prices at [new bldg], you can view the price plans here: [link] In sum, depending on what they decide to charge, students at [new bldg] currently pay $315 a semester or $580 a year (on Campus) OR $160 a semester or $290 a year (off Campus).

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'm still waiting for the administration to remember it's promise of "ample" parking. They moved the school to a location that doesn't have alternative parking options (like side-street parking). I am not the rallying type, but something seems a bit shady, if not scummy about this latest move on the administration's part. I encourage anyone else not so happy with idea of paying to park to speak up now.

Just my two cents,


of course, yours truly HAD to weigh in:

I would think that for $28,000/yr from each of us the administration would be able to come up with something more reasonable than monthly charges for parking. Maybe until a solid solution appears they could reduce the "US News & World Report Fund" by 5% or so instead to pay for a parking lot. I have no doubt the intended changes will be made, but I don't think they should be made at the expense of the current students. If it takes slightly longer than planned, so be it. It was Heinz who came up with the slogan "The best things come to those who wait." They're right. And their ketchup is delicious!

Also, I always drive by vacant faculty spots on my way to the grass, yet they're never mentioned in the discussion of the parking problem. Perhaps we could convert a few?

Please, Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get [me free parking]! Help me, Oprah Winfrey! [Help me, SBA!]


There is no excuse for the lack of parking around our
temporary facility. I find it interesting I never had problems
finding parking at [old bldg] and we didn't even have a proper
"lot" to speak of. Moreover, I take issue with the tone
of the Dean's email, in which he repeatedly points out that there are extra
seats on the shuttles, as if we should feel obligated to further inconvenience
ourselves by riding the shuttles. I don't know about the rest of you
but I waved goodbye to my bus-riding days in middle school, which was FREE
might I add. What exactly IS our increased tuition paying for?
My obvious bitterness aside, why is it the Dean's emails seem to involve
some sort of ridiculous new fee the students must endure? Its not like
we're asking for gold-plated toilets and monkey butlers, we just want a
place to park.



Since I have very little confidence that the SBA will pursue anything with regards to this matter, I have a suggestion. I would like it if Dean would hold a forum at school at a reasonable hour for all the students to attend in which he discussed with the students why it is that this school and this administration over the school cannot seem to recognize how they are making law school a living hell for the actual students that go here simply so that they can put forward this notion of “[law school]’s dedication to the future.” With all due respect, we the students deserve a face to face meeting to discuss why all powerful [law school] cannot make any sacrifices during this time and why we the students must bear the brunt of it. I find it personally insulting that the Dean choices to communicate with the entire student body by simply sending out an email. I’m sure he has a lot to do, but for the past year, we have been given the cold shoulder and if this continues I will guarantee that I will not give a dime back to this school upon my graduation. I hope the rest of you will consider doing the same because it seems the only thing that this administration seems to acknowledge is money.

Best regards,



Hey guys and Deans,

I have a great idea... since the video conferencing technology works so well, why don't we use the parking fee money to install this equipment in all of our apartments and houses. Maybe we can even play intramural football via video teleconference or we can each have our own Barrister's Ball in the comfort of our respective abodes.

In the alternative, if the administration does not like the idea of providing video teleconferencing technology to each student, maybe we can build an air tram from the center of historic, downtown [law school city] to our picturesque current location next to the Pilot Truck Stop.

But seriously, if we really don't have the money for parking, why doesn't someone just ask [school's web system that it tries to do everything through] for a loan... I mean students and faculty are always talking about her and all the stuff she does, so she must have some money.

- [different] B


What about Valet Parking?

Paying someone $10 an hour, 8 hours a day, 4 days a week (since not everyone has class on Fridays), x 15 weeks in the semester, x 2 semesters = $9600 a year. Even if only 300 students chose this option, that's only $32 a year, which is certainly a lot cheaper than $500.

It may sound crazy, but if everyone could be double parked then our current parking lot might just work.

Just a thought,


I didn't think there could be anything more frustrating than being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan (haven't had a winning season since 1992) until I decided to attend [this] School of Law, [play on words about school location] Campus.

My only advice for the administration would be to spend the money you bank from charging students to park and get some computers so that the 12 available don't all shut down at once right before an assignment is due.

I guess one good thing is that the students can get a real cultural experience by up the road to the Flying J Truck Stop to see the "real" historic [law school city].

The sad truth is that we haven't even taken any steps to renovate beautiful historic [old bldg], maybe this temporary location isn't going to be so temporary.... As a third generation "[law school]" student I feel proud associating myself with an organization that has turned its back on the community that has sustained its existence for 172 years.




Dear Dean,First, I would like to say that you've done a wonderful job transforming the [new] building into a nice place in such a short time. Second, the videoconferencing classes have been fantastic. Thank you for all of your hard work.However, in response to the student parking, students should not have to pay for your own administration's shortsightedness. I notice that most faculty members have windows. 500 students have 13 study carrels near loud entrances, which sometimes smell like urine because of the waste treatment plant nearby. Half of our library is missing and the space that the library has does not reflect even a fourth-tier institituion. We have 24 computers for 500 students! The college is a ghost town after 5 pm because there are no shuttles between 5 and 11 pm. And the students study in the halls or on the floor.And then your administration asks students to drive the shuttle van? And then your administration suggests that we students pay for parking? And then your administration issues us parking tickets? I understand that there will be growing pains for any transitional space. I accept that. But what I will not accept is being sold a used car that doesn't work by a used car salesman. Your administration now resembles a conglomorate of used car salesmen. [new bldg] may charge for parking. But they have free regular shuttles, a metropolitan area with a multitude of buildings.Let us not kid ourselves. We study at a truckstop. One building which effectively closes at 5 pm. What are we paying for here? And should we pay more just to get enough parking at our school? And what is happening to [old bldg]? If anything, I hope we'd have a tuition reduction because of this move. Also, I don't buy the 'improved students argument' because minority enrollment actually has decreased from last year; entering students' grades have decreased significantly from last year; students come from fewer states around the US; and there has been only a modest increase in LSAT scores. How will you sell this school to next year's students? (NB - this information comes from your own statistics on the website)In short, many students are unhappy, many staff are unhappy, and some faculty members I've talked with are unhappy. One solution to our parking problem might be to make one-way driving alleys and repaint the parking spaces. I don't know what the zoning issues are, but we could fit more parking spaces into the space we have. Another solution would be paving some of the green areas into parking spaces. Whatever your solution may be, the snow is coming soon. My friend took one look at our place and said, "Sagi dayoune!" which means, "Doesn't this look fraudulent?"First, you promised that there would be some dust in the renovation. Then you attempted to raze [old bldg]. And now you want us to pay for the parking spaces at our school.Please make this situtation into something other than a sinking ship. Just give students a place to park for free. Sincerely,GF
PS - If other students are unhappy, I encourage you to email the Dean directly, so he knows what students truly feel.


I challenge Dean to a dance off... winner takes free parking.



Fellow students, administration and faculty:

Quite simply, the current administration has failed the current [old bldg] student body on every level imaginable. Without having a solid plan to renovate or demolish [old bldg] and its adjacent buildings, we have been uprooted and forced to commute to a building that is nowhere near the housing that we chose based on the planned and original location of our school. Our new facilities are inadequate, a large part of our faculty is unhappy and the student body is nigh on the point of revolt., whether the administration chooses to admit it or not

Perhaps the most pressing of issues facing our general populace, both student and faculty alike, is the lack of parking at our new facilities. The administration's solution? Find new parking facilities within walking distance of the [new] building, renovate them and charge the student body for the privilege to drive to a facility that they do not even want to visit. The administration presents this as an amicable solution to the problem, attempting to pull the wool over our eyes and blame the parking problem on our failure to use the shuttle, which the administration implies is our duty. The administration does not seem to understand that the majority of us would never have driven to school had we remained close to [old bldg] because many of us live within walking distance of [law school]'s original location. Moreover, I have yet to see one of the administration voluntarily agree that they would give up a "Parking by Permit #" only spot in favor of riding a school bus from [old bldg] to [new bldg]. Surely their willingness to do so would free up several parking spots. In the meantime, feel free to park in the grass or the visitor's spaces and prepare to receive a ticket. If you think the situation is dire now, wait until there are several inches of snow and ice on the grassy area for a few months. Where will you park then?

The administration has failed us and now intends to charge us more money for the "privilege" to attend their school. The administration promised ample parking. The reality? The majority of us have to park on the grass or make spots where none exist, potentially blocking emergency vehicle access. Naturally, despite inconveniencing the student body on every level, the administration thought it proper to raise our tuition again for the 2006-7 school year. Now they claim that the parking problem can be solved if we agree to dole more money over to them.

I propose that the students of the [old] campus to strongly object to this proposition and to urge the administration to find a solution to this problem without seeking more money from us. We give more than enough money to this school in our three years here and, be sure, despite their inconsiderate treatment, they will seek more money from us in the future. If there has ever been a time to make a stand against this kind of activity, the time is now.

Refuse Dean's proposal. Demand that the administration and the University, as a whole, find a solution to the problem that they have created and demand that they do so without seeking more money from students like you and I. Most of all, refuse to pay parking tickets levied by the administration to anyone parking in the [new bldg] parking lot and, quite frankly, deny any request made by the School of Law for charitable donations. The administration of the School of Law has no regard for you. You are little more than a semi-annual income check for three years and, hopefully, a future source of alumni donations. In the meantime, the administration also views you as a bottomless financial backstop that it can use to clean up the very messes that it creates.

I, for one, vehemently, deliberately and decisively say "NO!" to Dean's proposition and I urge you to do the same. You do enough for this school financially and it's time that this school starts doing for you, especially when you have been so inconvenienced. Let your voice be heard.




there's always one complete asshole:

Ok… 32 e-mails within 12 hrs about parking…. I think we get the picture about parking. It seems that every time the Dean or the administration says anything, an angry lynch mob mentality overwhelms this school. So lets consider perhaps getting cold showers and relaxing…

1.) Every student in the ‘militant’ second year class agreed that [old bldg] was crowded.

2.) Every student in the ‘militant’ second year class agreed that more space and more technology was needed.

3.) When the idea was brought up to renovate [old bldg] and still hold classes, we complained about noise and dust

4.) They suggested an elementary school (which had ample parking and a swing set, FYI) and we went crazy

5.) They moved us to an office building and did a decent renovation job, and we complain about it’s location and size… let’s be honest, I’ve lived in [law school city] a year, WHERE IS THERE A BIGGER BUILDING? Perhaps we could kick out the judges in the court house??

6.) With Regards to renovation…. They wanted to build a new building, We complained and had [old bldg] declared a National Historical Landmark… Now, every student reading this email has been through 4 years of college. They had plans. They would be building. We 86’ed that, so they have to come up with new plans and that architectural firm just landed the Freedom Tower… Hmm, [old bldg] or Freedom Tower, which one do you think they are more interested in…

7.) Students at [new campus] $280 a year, not $580, I am sure that [law school city] parking would be even cheaper and for people whom take an estimated $44K a year out in student loans and blow $3K at [bar 1] or [bar 2], $200 a year for parking isn’t too bad…

8.) Lets also not forget that to get a parking pass to park in the back of [old bldg] cost money…

Who notices a trend…. Do we have to go crazy every time someone in the administration makes a suggestion? Complain to your SBA reps or SBA executive board, don’t tie up the e-mail in boxes. Thankfully, our student leadership ignores the cries and chants of the angry mob and actually tries to work with the administration instead of lighting torches. Who would have thought that compromise actually achieves goals….

Another thing, [law school] is NOT WorldCom, Dean is NOT Ken Lay, and having visited both the Dean’s and President's Office, I found no huge bags of student tuition money sitting around. Perhaps they are not stocking it away and going on expensive trips to tropical paradises, perhaps things just cost money….

One other thing…. Our law school is not based on a building… It is a family style way of learning where you work together instead of stabbing each other in the back. [new bldg], [new campus], [new campus city], [old law school city], or Alaska, it is not where we are, its who we are… Lets try to remember that once in a while eh?




luckily, assholes get put where they belong: in their place


First of all dude, you transferred up to [new campus] so I am not sure why you feel you can comment on our criticisms of the parking at [new bldg]. Second, as an Alaskan I take offense to you essentially analogizing the state to the seventh circle of hell--have you ever been to Ak? It is a land free of the sounds of perpetual truck idling and more than ample space for outdoor recreation. Plus, we are experiencing almost endless summer nights right now. So, next time you choose to knock a state, pick one with a little less to offer.




I don't know who you are R, I've never met you or if I have I
didn't recognize you but please leave me your contact info so when I
graduate I have someone I can count on to use as a punching bag who won't
complain but who will probably ask for more and tell everyone "it could be
worse" and slip me $20 for the privilege. Maybe you blow $3k a year
at bars and have an extra $300 laying around but that's not everyone.
Most of us plan our budgets very carefully and I resent the implication that
the students are just complaining to complain. Do you think we don't
have anything better to do? Why should we hate the Dean if he was
responsive to the students' needs? That isn't the case though and
as such I think my fellow students and I are correct to at least let our voices
be heard....even if the Dean doesn't care. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY A DIME FOR PARKING AT THIS SUB-PAR FACILITY!

The monkey butler unions aren't as bad as you think guys, its when they start throwing poo
that we'll be in trouble...AND THEY WILL. The monkey butler
dance-off is the best idea yet. Now if we could only find little monkey
dance shoes......



and ESPECIALLY this one:

C -

Cute email. I hope licking the dean's ass works out well for you. I haven't been the one organizing the lynch mob when stuff goes on at this school. I simply love your generalizations about what EVERYONE has done in response to issues with the law school administration. I didn't complain about noise and dust with [old bldg]. I wanted to stay there. I didn't piss and moan that [old bldg] was overcrowded. I wanted to stay there. I didn't complain about them tearing down [old bldg], despite the fact I WANTED TO STAY THERE. However, when something arises which, if it goes through, will end up COSTING ME MONEY, I'm going to start to complain. You ask where in [law school city] is there a bigger building...this is a good question, and one which should have been addressed prior to deciding to leave [old bldg]. As far as paying money to park behind [old bldg] last year, this wasn't an issue for the MAJORITY of the students, as [old bldg] was a 10 minute walk from virtually anywhere in the [law school city]. For those who lived so far that they had to park, there was, to use a familiar word, AMPLE free curbside parking throughout [law school city]. Anyone who paid money chose to do so, in order to park incredibly close to the school. They took this into account prior to making the decision to attend this school. It does not seem like we will be given such an option at [new bldg], which is why I am pissed, and why I sent out an email.

Finally, to reiterate what T and V said, you are at [new campus]. You have absolutely no room to talk about the parking situation in [old campus city]. I apologize if deleting these emails has taken a precious thirty seconds out of your day. I know you are a busy man up there, between sucking up to the administration, and causing professors to storm out of the classroom. I take further exception to the assaults on those who "blow 3k at [bar 1] or [bar 2]" say this as though there is something wrong with enjoying yourself while at law school. I do have a little extra money budgeted specifically for this purpose; not for getting wasted, but for going out and having fun with friends in order to alleviate the stress of law school. Most people do this; it's called "having a good time." You should look into it on occasion. If I have to pay hundreds of dollars for a parking sticker (regardless of whether its 3 or 5), I will simply have to take out more money in order to afford to go out with my friends. I'm not going to make sacrifices in my enjoyment of law school simply because the administration either failed to take into account, or failed to care about, how many students would be driving to class.

In conclusion, stay up in [new campus], don't speak up in issues that don't concern you, and, most of all, don't piss me off. Because, as I just demonstrated, I get vindictive with these emails. And they're just going to keep coming.

Hugs and kisses,


[here, dean sends out another email discussing only the potential parking prices in reply to one student who sent an email with a link to prices at the new campus. the dean obviously ignores any and all criticism about his incompetence, and reiterates some of the same bullshit from the first email]


I echo BS's sentiment, however I feel the problem goes deeper than just the parking issue as this is not the first time this list serve has had to be used as a forum to convey our malcontent with the way the administration has reacted to student needs. When talking with students at other law schools they seem to have managed to avoid the headache's that student's at the School of Law have incurred in my two years here (where will be located next year? how much red tape am I going to have to deal with this semester? what name will be on our diploma? where will we park? how much is tuition going to be increased?... the list goes on).

I think what the students are trying to convey on this list serve on this topic and topics that have arisen over the years is that we want a sense of certainty and honesty. And when problems arise due to poor planning it should not be the students who bear the responsiblity to clean up the mess. We are in a transition phase and the students have been making alot sacrifices to adjust. Personally, I couldn't imagine being a first year student dealing with the shock and rigor that comes in the first couple months of law school and being forced to deal with tangential problems of lack of study space, lack of computer facilities, parking, etc.

Paying for parking is just another black eye this school has bestowed upon itself in the eyes of the students. As a member of the SBA I urge students to get involved, you pay ALOT of money to go to this institution and if you feel you aren't getting your money's worth speak up, although it seems like our grievances are falling on deaf ears. Alot of people echo this sentiment, just look at the transfer rate over the last two years, I think it speaks for itself. Look at the distance the merger with [university] and the dual-campus proposal has created between the alumni and the [law school city].

At the end of all this mess the only feather in the cap of this school is going to be the efficacy of its students and thier willingness to stand up for what is blatantly wrong.

I can tell you one thing... I have no intention of paying to park at a place where I was told there would be parking and second I am not running to [old bldg] every morning to catch "The Cheese."


so if you thought that i, dicta, was the only one who had a problem with my law school's administration, allow this post to dispel that myth. i will conclude by saying that i have no allegiance whatsoever to this school, and will not contribute one cent as an alumni. the only time i will think about this school is when i accidentally look at my diploma on the way to examining my cow calendar, in an effort to try and decide what type of meat i want for dinner that night. i just have to remember, only 9 more months...

Thursday, September 07, 2006

i'm of interest to the public

the director of our school's center for public interest advocacy left a memo in the mailboxes of all 2Ls and 3Ls yesterday that said we can get certified as a public interest advocate if we perform at least 60 hours of legal work for clients in a public interest setting. you may remember that i am for the people (even i cant not laugh at that one). you may also remember that this past spring i participated in VITA. well, i plan on doing it again this coming spring and that will put me over the 60 hour limit.

i'm certified, bitches!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


khalid sheikh mohammed was captured. here's the file photo cnn put with the story:

my question is this: he obviously had access to some type of shaving device. while he isnt perfectly clean-shaven, he has shaved recently. with knowledge that he had access to some sharp, bladed device, one must then ask why he hasnt done anything about his ridiculous hair, both head and chest. i just feel bad for the poor woman who was forced to take care of his...manly needs. just kidding, everyone knows only rich white people can have slaves.

ignore the masses

unless they know from experience or are privy to the right information, then they just dont know. they might willingly give you an opinion, but it's not always worth a lot. that's just one problem with the jury system, but that's not what this post is about.

some law students are confused into thinking what they're doing is some great achievement; something special. why? because lots of people tell them it is. mostly people who havent gone to law school (of course, once you graduate and gain a title they then "dont hate you, just other lawyers"). but the only thing special about most law students is their extra chromosome. of course there are normal people who go thru law school, but they are about as scarce as tom cruise's penis in the presence of a naked woman.

law students arent any smarter than people who pursue other fields. if it ever appears so it's probably just the glow of unwarranted arrogance. in reality, law students are just as stupid as anyone else. yet tons of people commend me on going.

two quick examples.

i was sitting in corporations the other day and we were talking about limited partnerships and limited liability companies. about a half hour into class, the professor calls on some kid and asks him something based on the class discussion. the kid replies, "pass." i'm sorry, but how stupid are you? the question did not pertain to the reading you obviously didnt do. if he were even semi-conscious for the preceding half hour he could've ventured some sort of guess even, and i'm sure the professor would've guided him towards the answer he wanted. but he tried to pass. of course, this was an act of sheer stupidity, and the professor made him try to answer anyway. smart, really.

and why is it that when one class ends people for the next class block the doorway and try to rush in before the previous class exits? there are 10 minutes between classes. many classes have seating charts, so it's not like you need to race to the seat you want. and what would ever make you think it's a good idea to clog up the doorway even more? are you that anxious to go to your next class? does your seat have a posture-fitter that better aligns the stick directly up your ass? honestly. my solution to this problem is easy when i'm trying to exit class. i dont move. either let me out first or take a shoulder to your chest/shoulder/arm/face. i already have plenty of friends, i'm not looking to make any more. and as for enemies, well they say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. so i ask you, what's closer than my shoulder to your face?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

some days

the world is yours. other days, you just dont have it. sometimes, you just dont have it.

Monday, September 04, 2006

missing motivation?

yeah probably cuz i didnt make a motivational monday. why? i wasnt motivated. a majority of my traffic comes in on mondays, from which i infer that most of you dont give a shit about the rest of the blog. dont get me wrong, that's absolutely fine. but it does mean that i'm going to stop giving a shit about my "readers" and making efforts on motivational mondays or other posts that i think the readers will enjoy. instead, i will return to the original theme of the blog and just talk about whatever the hell i want.

in short strange-people-i-dont-know, it's been real, but my effort to specifically humor you has wasted away. if you enjoy my normal stuff, fantastic. if not, that probably just means your sense of humor is lame, which probably also means your blog is lame. see you in hell.