the longest post in the world! or alternately, fuck you law school!

my law school has an extra chromosome. the administration cant do anything right. we recently received an email about parking from the dean. well, this touched a nerve among myself and much of the student body. so here is an effort to post a bunch of the email reactions in chronological order on the listserv (one's with colored introductions are the better reads, generally (though some of the others are quite good too)). did i mention how much i love listservs? so, dear readers, grab a (big) drink, settle in for a bit (i'm sure no one will read it all), and enjoy:

first, the dean's email:

Dear Students:

I am writing to let you know that the law school is evaluating possible solutions to the student parking situation at the [new] Building. The “situation” is that, during a few two-to-three hour blocks of time each week, we do not have enough student spaces at [new bldg] for the number of students driving cars, even though we simultaneously do have substantial unused seating capacity on the shuttle buses we run between [old bldg] and [new bldg]. At all other times during the week we seem to have more than enough student parking spaces (while still having unused capacity on our buses).

You may have read in the [local newspaper] today that one of the solutions we are considering is to add an additional parking lot for students between the Marriott Hotel and the Hampton Inn (an easy and safe walking distance to [new bldg]). This would solve all parking capacity issues and provide the flexibility many students desire to arrange their own transportation schedules. However, it also represents a very expensive solution to a problem that is confined to a few relatively narrow periods of time and that could be solved instead by an increase in bus ridership. Therefore, if we choose to incur the expense of adding an additional parking lot, it is very likely that we would need to cut back somewhat on our bus expenses (e.g., by eliminating the largest bus and running two smaller, less expensive buses, on the same schedule we use today). We probably also would institute a reasonable monthly parking charge to help defray the cost of the new parking lot (most likely a two-tiered charge depending on proximity to the building, with users of the new lot paying less than users of the building lot. The amounts would be comparable to student parking charges at [other school location].).

If you have additional suggestions or preferences about parking at [new bldg], please let me, [other] Dean or the SBA know. As most of you are aware from your experiences at [old bldg] and other educational institutions, parking capacity is a pressing issue almost everywhere. I hope to be able to provide more definite information about parking at [new bldg] within the next week.

In the meantime, please remember from [other] Dean's August 23 announcement and email that, while we appreciate your efforts when necessary to park safely and in a nonobstructive manner outside of our existing lot, there are three areas in which you may not park or you will be ticketed and/or towed: “(1) in the spaces assigned to Giant and not released for Law School use; (2) in areas which block emergency vehicle access (marked with orange cones); and (3) in areas which block the gravel drive back to the farm.”

Thanks for your cooperation.

Dean
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Heads up!
In case you didn't already read Dean's email, I suggest you do so! Our parking situation is about to get more frustrating. The most important part of his message is:

"We probably also would institute a reasonable monthly parking charge to help defray the cost of the new parking lot (most likely a two-tiered charge depending on proximity to the building, with users of the new lot paying less than users of the building lot. The amounts would be comparable to student parking charges at [new bldg].)."

In case you are not familiar with the parking prices at [new bldg], you can view the price plans here: [link] In sum, depending on what they decide to charge, students at [new bldg] currently pay $315 a semester or $580 a year (on Campus) OR $160 a semester or $290 a year (off Campus).

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'm still waiting for the administration to remember it's promise of "ample" parking. They moved the school to a location that doesn't have alternative parking options (like side-street parking). I am not the rallying type, but something seems a bit shady, if not scummy about this latest move on the administration's part. I encourage anyone else not so happy with idea of paying to park to speak up now.

Just my two cents,
B

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of course, yours truly HAD to weigh in:

I would think that for $28,000/yr from each of us the administration would be able to come up with something more reasonable than monthly charges for parking. Maybe until a solid solution appears they could reduce the "US News & World Report Fund" by 5% or so instead to pay for a parking lot. I have no doubt the intended changes will be made, but I don't think they should be made at the expense of the current students. If it takes slightly longer than planned, so be it. It was Heinz who came up with the slogan "The best things come to those who wait." They're right. And their ketchup is delicious!

Also, I always drive by vacant faculty spots on my way to the grass, yet they're never mentioned in the discussion of the parking problem. Perhaps we could convert a few?

Please, Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get [me free parking]! Help me, Oprah Winfrey! [Help me, SBA!]

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There is no excuse for the lack of parking around our
temporary facility. I find it interesting I never had problems
finding parking at [old bldg] and we didn't even have a proper
"lot" to speak of. Moreover, I take issue with the tone
of the Dean's email, in which he repeatedly points out that there are extra
seats on the shuttles, as if we should feel obligated to further inconvenience
ourselves by riding the shuttles. I don't know about the rest of you
but I waved goodbye to my bus-riding days in middle school, which was FREE
might I add. What exactly IS our increased tuition paying for?
My obvious bitterness aside, why is it the Dean's emails seem to involve
some sort of ridiculous new fee the students must endure? Its not like
we're asking for gold-plated toilets and monkey butlers, we just want a
place to park.

-V

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Since I have very little confidence that the SBA will pursue anything with regards to this matter, I have a suggestion. I would like it if Dean would hold a forum at school at a reasonable hour for all the students to attend in which he discussed with the students why it is that this school and this administration over the school cannot seem to recognize how they are making law school a living hell for the actual students that go here simply so that they can put forward this notion of “[law school]’s dedication to the future.” With all due respect, we the students deserve a face to face meeting to discuss why all powerful [law school] cannot make any sacrifices during this time and why we the students must bear the brunt of it. I find it personally insulting that the Dean choices to communicate with the entire student body by simply sending out an email. I’m sure he has a lot to do, but for the past year, we have been given the cold shoulder and if this continues I will guarantee that I will not give a dime back to this school upon my graduation. I hope the rest of you will consider doing the same because it seems the only thing that this administration seems to acknowledge is money.

Best regards,

M

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Hey guys and Deans,

I have a great idea... since the video conferencing technology works so well, why don't we use the parking fee money to install this equipment in all of our apartments and houses. Maybe we can even play intramural football via video teleconference or we can each have our own Barrister's Ball in the comfort of our respective abodes.

In the alternative, if the administration does not like the idea of providing video teleconferencing technology to each student, maybe we can build an air tram from the center of historic, downtown [law school city] to our picturesque current location next to the Pilot Truck Stop.

But seriously, if we really don't have the money for parking, why doesn't someone just ask [school's web system that it tries to do everything through] for a loan... I mean students and faculty are always talking about her and all the stuff she does, so she must have some money.

- [different] B

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What about Valet Parking?

Paying someone $10 an hour, 8 hours a day, 4 days a week (since not everyone has class on Fridays), x 15 weeks in the semester, x 2 semesters = $9600 a year. Even if only 300 students chose this option, that's only $32 a year, which is certainly a lot cheaper than $500.

It may sound crazy, but if everyone could be double parked then our current parking lot might just work.

Just a thought,
LA

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I didn't think there could be anything more frustrating than being a Pittsburgh Pirates fan (haven't had a winning season since 1992) until I decided to attend [this] School of Law, [play on words about school location] Campus.

My only advice for the administration would be to spend the money you bank from charging students to park and get some computers so that the 12 available don't all shut down at once right before an assignment is due.

I guess one good thing is that the students can get a real cultural experience by up the road to the Flying J Truck Stop to see the "real" historic [law school city].

The sad truth is that we haven't even taken any steps to renovate beautiful historic [old bldg], maybe this temporary location isn't going to be so temporary.... As a third generation "[law school]" student I feel proud associating myself with an organization that has turned its back on the community that has sustained its existence for 172 years.

Cheers,

aa

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Dear Dean,First, I would like to say that you've done a wonderful job transforming the [new] building into a nice place in such a short time. Second, the videoconferencing classes have been fantastic. Thank you for all of your hard work.However, in response to the student parking, students should not have to pay for your own administration's shortsightedness. I notice that most faculty members have windows. 500 students have 13 study carrels near loud entrances, which sometimes smell like urine because of the waste treatment plant nearby. Half of our library is missing and the space that the library has does not reflect even a fourth-tier institituion. We have 24 computers for 500 students! The college is a ghost town after 5 pm because there are no shuttles between 5 and 11 pm. And the students study in the halls or on the floor.And then your administration asks students to drive the shuttle van? And then your administration suggests that we students pay for parking? And then your administration issues us parking tickets? I understand that there will be growing pains for any transitional space. I accept that. But what I will not accept is being sold a used car that doesn't work by a used car salesman. Your administration now resembles a conglomorate of used car salesmen. [new bldg] may charge for parking. But they have free regular shuttles, a metropolitan area with a multitude of buildings.Let us not kid ourselves. We study at a truckstop. One building which effectively closes at 5 pm. What are we paying for here? And should we pay more just to get enough parking at our school? And what is happening to [old bldg]? If anything, I hope we'd have a tuition reduction because of this move. Also, I don't buy the 'improved students argument' because minority enrollment actually has decreased from last year; entering students' grades have decreased significantly from last year; students come from fewer states around the US; and there has been only a modest increase in LSAT scores. How will you sell this school to next year's students? (NB - this information comes from your own statistics on the website)In short, many students are unhappy, many staff are unhappy, and some faculty members I've talked with are unhappy. One solution to our parking problem might be to make one-way driving alleys and repaint the parking spaces. I don't know what the zoning issues are, but we could fit more parking spaces into the space we have. Another solution would be paving some of the green areas into parking spaces. Whatever your solution may be, the snow is coming soon. My friend took one look at our place and said, "Sagi dayoune!" which means, "Doesn't this look fraudulent?"First, you promised that there would be some dust in the renovation. Then you attempted to raze [old bldg]. And now you want us to pay for the parking spaces at our school.Please make this situtation into something other than a sinking ship. Just give students a place to park for free. Sincerely,GF
PS - If other students are unhappy, I encourage you to email the Dean directly, so he knows what students truly feel.

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I challenge Dean to a dance off... winner takes free parking.

-B

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Fellow students, administration and faculty:

Quite simply, the current administration has failed the current [old bldg] student body on every level imaginable. Without having a solid plan to renovate or demolish [old bldg] and its adjacent buildings, we have been uprooted and forced to commute to a building that is nowhere near the housing that we chose based on the planned and original location of our school. Our new facilities are inadequate, a large part of our faculty is unhappy and the student body is nigh on the point of revolt., whether the administration chooses to admit it or not

Perhaps the most pressing of issues facing our general populace, both student and faculty alike, is the lack of parking at our new facilities. The administration's solution? Find new parking facilities within walking distance of the [new] building, renovate them and charge the student body for the privilege to drive to a facility that they do not even want to visit. The administration presents this as an amicable solution to the problem, attempting to pull the wool over our eyes and blame the parking problem on our failure to use the shuttle, which the administration implies is our duty. The administration does not seem to understand that the majority of us would never have driven to school had we remained close to [old bldg] because many of us live within walking distance of [law school]'s original location. Moreover, I have yet to see one of the administration voluntarily agree that they would give up a "Parking by Permit #" only spot in favor of riding a school bus from [old bldg] to [new bldg]. Surely their willingness to do so would free up several parking spots. In the meantime, feel free to park in the grass or the visitor's spaces and prepare to receive a ticket. If you think the situation is dire now, wait until there are several inches of snow and ice on the grassy area for a few months. Where will you park then?

The administration has failed us and now intends to charge us more money for the "privilege" to attend their school. The administration promised ample parking. The reality? The majority of us have to park on the grass or make spots where none exist, potentially blocking emergency vehicle access. Naturally, despite inconveniencing the student body on every level, the administration thought it proper to raise our tuition again for the 2006-7 school year. Now they claim that the parking problem can be solved if we agree to dole more money over to them.

I propose that the students of the [old] campus to strongly object to this proposition and to urge the administration to find a solution to this problem without seeking more money from us. We give more than enough money to this school in our three years here and, be sure, despite their inconsiderate treatment, they will seek more money from us in the future. If there has ever been a time to make a stand against this kind of activity, the time is now.

Refuse Dean's proposal. Demand that the administration and the University, as a whole, find a solution to the problem that they have created and demand that they do so without seeking more money from students like you and I. Most of all, refuse to pay parking tickets levied by the administration to anyone parking in the [new bldg] parking lot and, quite frankly, deny any request made by the School of Law for charitable donations. The administration of the School of Law has no regard for you. You are little more than a semi-annual income check for three years and, hopefully, a future source of alumni donations. In the meantime, the administration also views you as a bottomless financial backstop that it can use to clean up the very messes that it creates.

I, for one, vehemently, deliberately and decisively say "NO!" to Dean's proposition and I urge you to do the same. You do enough for this school financially and it's time that this school starts doing for you, especially when you have been so inconvenienced. Let your voice be heard.

Sincerely,

C

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there's always one complete asshole:

Ok… 32 e-mails within 12 hrs about parking…. I think we get the picture about parking. It seems that every time the Dean or the administration says anything, an angry lynch mob mentality overwhelms this school. So lets consider perhaps getting cold showers and relaxing…

1.) Every student in the ‘militant’ second year class agreed that [old bldg] was crowded.

2.) Every student in the ‘militant’ second year class agreed that more space and more technology was needed.

3.) When the idea was brought up to renovate [old bldg] and still hold classes, we complained about noise and dust

4.) They suggested an elementary school (which had ample parking and a swing set, FYI) and we went crazy

5.) They moved us to an office building and did a decent renovation job, and we complain about it’s location and size… let’s be honest, I’ve lived in [law school city] a year, WHERE IS THERE A BIGGER BUILDING? Perhaps we could kick out the judges in the court house??

6.) With Regards to renovation…. They wanted to build a new building, We complained and had [old bldg] declared a National Historical Landmark… Now, every student reading this email has been through 4 years of college. They had plans. They would be building. We 86’ed that, so they have to come up with new plans and that architectural firm just landed the Freedom Tower… Hmm, [old bldg] or Freedom Tower, which one do you think they are more interested in…

7.) Students at [new campus] $280 a year, not $580, I am sure that [law school city] parking would be even cheaper and for people whom take an estimated $44K a year out in student loans and blow $3K at [bar 1] or [bar 2], $200 a year for parking isn’t too bad…

8.) Lets also not forget that to get a parking pass to park in the back of [old bldg] cost money…

Who notices a trend…. Do we have to go crazy every time someone in the administration makes a suggestion? Complain to your SBA reps or SBA executive board, don’t tie up the e-mail in boxes. Thankfully, our student leadership ignores the cries and chants of the angry mob and actually tries to work with the administration instead of lighting torches. Who would have thought that compromise actually achieves goals….

Another thing, [law school] is NOT WorldCom, Dean is NOT Ken Lay, and having visited both the Dean’s and President's Office, I found no huge bags of student tuition money sitting around. Perhaps they are not stocking it away and going on expensive trips to tropical paradises, perhaps things just cost money….

One other thing…. Our law school is not based on a building… It is a family style way of learning where you work together instead of stabbing each other in the back. [new bldg], [new campus], [new campus city], [old law school city], or Alaska, it is not where we are, its who we are… Lets try to remember that once in a while eh?

Love,

R

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luckily, assholes get put where they belong: in their place

C,

First of all dude, you transferred up to [new campus] so I am not sure why you feel you can comment on our criticisms of the parking at [new bldg]. Second, as an Alaskan I take offense to you essentially analogizing the state to the seventh circle of hell--have you ever been to Ak? It is a land free of the sounds of perpetual truck idling and more than ample space for outdoor recreation. Plus, we are experiencing almost endless summer nights right now. So, next time you choose to knock a state, pick one with a little less to offer.

T

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also:

I don't know who you are R, I've never met you or if I have I
didn't recognize you but please leave me your contact info so when I
graduate I have someone I can count on to use as a punching bag who won't
complain but who will probably ask for more and tell everyone "it could be
worse" and slip me $20 for the privilege. Maybe you blow $3k a year
at bars and have an extra $300 laying around but that's not everyone.
Most of us plan our budgets very carefully and I resent the implication that
the students are just complaining to complain. Do you think we don't
have anything better to do? Why should we hate the Dean if he was
responsive to the students' needs? That isn't the case though and
as such I think my fellow students and I are correct to at least let our voices
be heard....even if the Dean doesn't care. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY A DIME FOR PARKING AT THIS SUB-PAR FACILITY!

The monkey butler unions aren't as bad as you think guys, its when they start throwing poo
that we'll be in trouble...AND THEY WILL. The monkey butler
dance-off is the best idea yet. Now if we could only find little monkey
dance shoes......

-V

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and ESPECIALLY this one:

C -

Cute email. I hope licking the dean's ass works out well for you. I haven't been the one organizing the lynch mob when stuff goes on at this school. I simply love your generalizations about what EVERYONE has done in response to issues with the law school administration. I didn't complain about noise and dust with [old bldg]. I wanted to stay there. I didn't piss and moan that [old bldg] was overcrowded. I wanted to stay there. I didn't complain about them tearing down [old bldg], despite the fact I WANTED TO STAY THERE. However, when something arises which, if it goes through, will end up COSTING ME MONEY, I'm going to start to complain. You ask where in [law school city] is there a bigger building...this is a good question, and one which should have been addressed prior to deciding to leave [old bldg]. As far as paying money to park behind [old bldg] last year, this wasn't an issue for the MAJORITY of the students, as [old bldg] was a 10 minute walk from virtually anywhere in the [law school city]. For those who lived so far that they had to park, there was, to use a familiar word, AMPLE free curbside parking throughout [law school city]. Anyone who paid money chose to do so, in order to park incredibly close to the school. They took this into account prior to making the decision to attend this school. It does not seem like we will be given such an option at [new bldg], which is why I am pissed, and why I sent out an email.

Finally, to reiterate what T and V said, you are at [new campus]. You have absolutely no room to talk about the parking situation in [old campus city]. I apologize if deleting these emails has taken a precious thirty seconds out of your day. I know you are a busy man up there, between sucking up to the administration, and causing professors to storm out of the classroom. I take further exception to the assaults on those who "blow 3k at [bar 1] or [bar 2]"...you say this as though there is something wrong with enjoying yourself while at law school. I do have a little extra money budgeted specifically for this purpose; not for getting wasted, but for going out and having fun with friends in order to alleviate the stress of law school. Most people do this; it's called "having a good time." You should look into it on occasion. If I have to pay hundreds of dollars for a parking sticker (regardless of whether its 3 or 5), I will simply have to take out more money in order to afford to go out with my friends. I'm not going to make sacrifices in my enjoyment of law school simply because the administration either failed to take into account, or failed to care about, how many students would be driving to class.

In conclusion, stay up in [new campus], don't speak up in issues that don't concern you, and, most of all, don't piss me off. Because, as I just demonstrated, I get vindictive with these emails. And they're just going to keep coming.

Hugs and kisses,
J

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[here, dean sends out another email discussing only the potential parking prices in reply to one student who sent an email with a link to prices at the new campus. the dean obviously ignores any and all criticism about his incompetence, and reiterates some of the same bullshit from the first email]

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I echo BS's sentiment, however I feel the problem goes deeper than just the parking issue as this is not the first time this list serve has had to be used as a forum to convey our malcontent with the way the administration has reacted to student needs. When talking with students at other law schools they seem to have managed to avoid the headache's that student's at the School of Law have incurred in my two years here (where will be located next year? how much red tape am I going to have to deal with this semester? what name will be on our diploma? where will we park? how much is tuition going to be increased?... the list goes on).

I think what the students are trying to convey on this list serve on this topic and topics that have arisen over the years is that we want a sense of certainty and honesty. And when problems arise due to poor planning it should not be the students who bear the responsiblity to clean up the mess. We are in a transition phase and the students have been making alot sacrifices to adjust. Personally, I couldn't imagine being a first year student dealing with the shock and rigor that comes in the first couple months of law school and being forced to deal with tangential problems of lack of study space, lack of computer facilities, parking, etc.

Paying for parking is just another black eye this school has bestowed upon itself in the eyes of the students. As a member of the SBA I urge students to get involved, you pay ALOT of money to go to this institution and if you feel you aren't getting your money's worth speak up, although it seems like our grievances are falling on deaf ears. Alot of people echo this sentiment, just look at the transfer rate over the last two years, I think it speaks for itself. Look at the distance the merger with [university] and the dual-campus proposal has created between the alumni and the [law school city].

At the end of all this mess the only feather in the cap of this school is going to be the efficacy of its students and thier willingness to stand up for what is blatantly wrong.

I can tell you one thing... I have no intention of paying to park at a place where I was told there would be parking and second I am not running to [old bldg] every morning to catch "The Cheese."

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so if you thought that i, dicta, was the only one who had a problem with my law school's administration, allow this post to dispel that myth. i will conclude by saying that i have no allegiance whatsoever to this school, and will not contribute one cent as an alumni. the only time i will think about this school is when i accidentally look at my diploma on the way to examining my cow calendar, in an effort to try and decide what type of meat i want for dinner that night. i just have to remember, only 9 more months...