a modest proposal

congressional action is needed. perhaps even a constitutional amendment. this phenomenon is out of control, and it needs to be stopped. the phenomenon i refer to is of course drive-thru employees wearing way too much of a perfume that is just heinous.

listen, i understand that these people want to smell (bad?). but honestly, their job is to handle other people's food. i dont want to be reminded of their horrendous snarltooth every time i bring my coffee up to my face. why should my breakfast suffer simply because these people have a taste for walmart brand perfume? and why is it on their hands? i mean i assume, perhaps wrongly, that they dont rub my coffee on their body before they give it to me, so it must be on their hands. so do they spray their hands? do they spray god knows where then touch there then not wash their hands before handling my food?

i appreciate that they want to smell what their conception of nice is, but i feel that the drive-thru window is an inappropriate place to do this. besides, after more than 15 mins at work they're just going to smell like fried food anyway. and who are they trying to smell "nice" for? their boss who they bang only because he makes $12/hr? are they thinking that some customer will ask for their number? that wont happen as long as they smell like the pet section at walmart.

what it really boils down to is this: if i actually wanted my shit to smell like walmart perfume, i'd use it in my cooking.