dell jr: linksys

i managed to find another company about as retarded as dell (they probably both had the same alcoholic mothers who drank during pregnancy/formation). back in 2004 i bought a linksys router so i'd have wireless internet for my computer during law school. (i've written 2 sentences and been kicked offline twice already. and i'm not fucking around, i'm just writing here.)

i had some minor problems with the router the first year, but they were remedied and overall the router worked fine. then i moved. the last 2 years the router has worked very well without incident. we just moved again, and suddenly the router is the biggest fucking piece of shit ever. yes, an even bigger and more worthless piece of shit than paris hilton. i wasn't sure that was possible. it is, but it's close. anyway...

so i've gone to the linksys website for support (when i could actually get online) because the internet fucking out multiple times every time we sit down to use it is unacceptable. i've done all the shit on the website: i've changed the router channel, i moved it away from metal objects, tvs, the walls, and we dont have a cordless phone. we named and password protected our network, and yet none of this has done a goddamn thing. i finally broke down and did what i knew would be an awful awful thing...i called linksys.

now i figured i'd be on the phone for a while, which i was, but i also figured they'd help me to fix it, which they won't. evidently, my warranty ended in 2005. that's fine. i dont want new replacement parts, and i dont want a service technician to come to my apartment. all i want is for someone to fucking talk to me on the phone and help me figure out what's wrong. the router has worked great this whole time, so i'm sure it's not defective. it's got to be a tiny little issue. fuck, even dell has a phone support system that's free for issues like this. sure, you probably can't understand the indian-english, but they're trying to help. they have nice scripts and they're willing to read them to anyone who will call in and listen.

but not linksys. no, not fucking linksys. for some reason, linksys decides that after your warranty expires, well then fuck you forever for everything. you want us to talk to you for 5 mins for free? fuck you, customer, fuck you. two of the phone monkeys tell me i have to pay $30 to talk to a technician who "may or may not...but probably" will be able to help me. a lot of fucking good that does. so i have to pay for a service that is free anywhere else and i'm not guaranteed to have it fixed. fuck you, give me your supervisor.

well the first asshole i talked to told me all his supervisors were in a meeting then. not being a fucking dumbass, i told him that i highly doubt that ALL of his supervisors were in a meeting at 230 on a sunday afternoon. in perfect english (which makes me skeptical...everyone i had to spoke perfect english) he told me that it's actually 230am where he is. so i told him that makes it even more unlikely that all his supervisors were in a meeting. he was being a fucking asshole, so i let him know that. then i made him promise that a supervisor would call me when they got out. now i knew it would never happen since i'm not a fucking retard, but i made him promise it anyhow. and he did.

but by 11pm i was pissed off because we'd lost the connection at least 15 times since the first call (i shit you not. we lose the connection multiple times every time we use the internet). so i called back. after talking to phone monkey #2 for a while, i finally got her to connect me with her supervisor, who was a fucking moron. now i knew i wouldn't get anything different from the supervisor, but maybe she'd pass me off to her supervisor. and if not, then at least i'm talking to someone closer to them than the phone monkeys are.

we went around in circles for about 45 minutes before i let her off the phone. she told me the same old shit, that it's their "company protocol" and how she realllllly wanted to help me but couldnt (yeah fuckin right). i pushed on, and she asked me if i wanted her or the phone monkeys to lose their jobs, which is evidently what would happen if she gave me free tech support. i told her that if they're not good at their jobs then they should lose them, and i asked if linksys wanted to lose customers. i also asked her if she knew of any other companies who make reliable routers (and she actually gave me 1 or 2 names). she kept insisting that i did not understand the company protocol, merely because i disagreed with it and called it ridiculous. i told her that it is a logical fallacy to tell me that i dont understand something simply because i call it ridiculous. surely there are ridiculous things that could be understood. this doesnt even delve into the whole idea of what is ridiculous. she just laughed and said "you are funny" and changed the subject.

i have fucking morons and fucking piece of shit companies. fuck you linksys.