non-recommended pre-wedding ritual: bumfights

seattle was...interesting. we touched down around noon western time on friday, which was cool except that the bride to be thought she was picking us up at 3pm. after an hour and a half of not answering the phone/texts, she calls us back and tells us ok, it'll be a half hour. i'm starving, so we go inside. as soon as i pay for my $12 shitty airport sandwich and drink, she calls back and tells us she's there already (only 15 mins later). damnit.

so she's finally there, so we go back to her and her fiances house and shower and hang out for a little. then we went downtown for the red sox/mariners game (of course we went to the only one this weekend where the red sox lost...damnit again). on the way to the game, i thought i saw someone i knew. so i called out her name a few times, to test the waters you know. well, it was her. it was my sister's college roommate (they went to school in ny) and her family. so random, but cool.

i love going to baseball games, especially red sox games, so the game was fun. the bride's older brother got kicked out of the game because security saw him with a flask. it was at this point we knew something ridiculous would happen that night.

after the game was the bachelor and bachelorette parties. the girls went somewhere to dance on the bar and spray beer on fat chicks (ahem, dominique) and the guys walked 45 mins to a bar with a section reserved just for us. just to put it in perspective, there were probably 18 guys at the party, all of whom were also at the game (for the game we had 60 tickets, right along the right field line, first 5 rows. manny loved us, cuz everyone else around us was crappy m's fans). after 1 drink at this bar, about half the guys were dead set on "seeing some titties" so we wandered about a half hour thru the city to a strip club. half of us were more interested in hanging out at a bar and drinking (in washington they dont serve alcohol in strip clubs). we were told there was just a $5 cover, and the guys i needed to be with to find my way back home that night all went in, so i went in as well. when we get to the door, however, the guy tells us it's actually a $15 cover, despite a sign right above his head saying "admission: $5". apparently, you cant get just admission. so while he was taking money from people, the brides brother, her cousin, and i just walk in. fuck that, i'm not paying 15 to see fat, gross, used skanks. and fat, gross, and used they were.

after about 15 mins of sober disappointment, we went a block down to a bar to finish the night. at this point we get a call from the girls. they were supposed to be staying at a place on bainbridge island for the night, but they missed the last ferry over. so we walked in their direction until we could get a cab downtown to where they were.

when we got down to where they were, it was evident we needed 3 cabs to get everyone back to the house. the only problem was that it was already about 230am and many cabs didn't want to drive a half hour to kent where we were staying. but we were already in our cab. when we saw the girls we slowed down and told them to come back to the house. the groom was in the front seat and as the cab just drove buy he evidently just had a goofy smile on his face and waved to the bride, which sent her into fits. there would be lots of yelling later on that night, but it wouldn't all be about this.

the girls then got a cab, leaving 1 more group in search of one. however, when they were searching for those last cabs, apparently a bum came up to them and tried to get change for a $20 bill from them. different stories have evolved, but the main one is that a cousin's girlfriend (this crazy girl named mary) started flipping out at the bum and yelling, and needed to be held back. she was, but then somehow the bride's older brother and cousin started getting into it with the bum. well, this evolved into a bumfight. apparently the 3 were rolling around on the ground and slamming into the buildings nearby. how did it end? well, they got their shots in i guess, but someone fell on the cousin and broke his leg. so, he ended up in the hospital, missed the wedding on sunday, and is stuck there for a week before he can fly back.

saturday was just the rehersal dinner, which was at a park on the island. the views were awesome, the weather was good, and the food was great. sunday was the wedding. it went off without any problems (other than the cousin's absence). everyone was (or became) 1 big drunken happy family, and i think everyone had a really good time. it was really fun. then monday came, and after getting coffee from girls in lingerie, we flew home. it's nice to be back.

i know i phoned in sat-mon, but really they were just good, fun times. plus i'm sick of writing. plus you probably didn't make it this far anyway, asshole.

good weekend. oh yeah, and seattle really does have fucking amazing coffee.