dont come around here no more

the city i work in is somewhat ghetto and shitty. there are parts of it that you just dont want to walk thru. already this summer i've seen a handful of crazy homeless people, a guy with no hand, and a guy with a sweet eye patch. good times.

so yesterday i'm leaving the office for the day, and there's this guy downstairs in our lobby. uncharacteristically, i nod at him and say hello. his actions mirror mine. then, as i'm about out the door, he says, "hey, excuse me" and then proceeds to tell me a sob story about how he works two towns over from here, lives in rhode island, and has run out of gas. could i please help him out?

hi buddy. my name is dicta. i have a general disdain for others, especially those who ask favors of strangers more complicated than "please hold the elevator." so i told him that i could get him to a phone. this prompts him to tell me how he already tried calling his wife several times, but she's apparently not home. he clearly wants money. and i'm sorry, do i look stupid?

first of all, i cant see your car that has run out of gas at the top of the hill. also, i dont work that close to rhode island, so it is ludicrous for anyone who doesnt have money to pay for gas to commute this far everyday as he claimed to do. so naturally, i did the american thing. i blatantly lied and told him i didnt have any cash on me.

then i came into the office today and our paralegal said he tried the same thing with her when she left the office. apparently he claimed that "they" told him to "wait for the people in suits to come down." hahaha, ok. then one of the partners here said to let him know if this guy is back, cuz we have a blanket warrant for our building for people such as this. also, our paralegal mentioned other people in town trying the same thing...people who wander over from the soup kitchen. one guy tried the same "i locked my keys in the car" story on her two different days.

there's not really a point to this post other than entertainment's sake. but really, humanity continues to amaze me on a daily basis. handouts are for the spoiled and school children. stop being crazy and get a damn job.