Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Friday, March 24, 2006

one in every crowd

if you'll remember, there was a tie in the sba elections in my school for vice president. well, since then, non-existent girl has sent out some emails about how passionate she is and blah blah blah. basically, all the worthless shit candidates say that no one believes. let's face it, the vp is useless, just like the real vp, and the only thing she'll do is put it on her resume.

well, some people got upset about the trash filling their inbox, so there has been a string of reply-all emails, extremely sarcastic and mocking in nature, some of them hilarious. only 1Ls and 2Ls vote for these elections, so someone suggested 3Ls be taken off the mailing list, to which a 3L responded that he would like to keep receiving the emails, as he likes to be informed. this led someone to nominate him, because "informed people make the best vps." there have also been nominations for chuck norris, and there is growing support for the aforementioned 3L, who allegedly roundhouse kicked chuck norris in the face because chuck norris failed to keep him informed. other anti-chuck norris campaigning has also surfaced, including the claim that "jack bauer named his cat chuck norris because its a pussy."

so, for a while i wasn't too unhappy with my inbox being filled with this nonsense, cuz it was at least humorous nonsense. enter the infamous law school douchebag:

Alright guys,

I got 30 messages at one time from people ranting about the "election", somehow deciding that the student body would care about their non-serious two cents, that should have just gone to their friends. Most of these messages concern things that I could give a crap about. If you want to campaign, do it seriously on your own time, preferrably in person, but don't clog up my box with messages you think are funny, approprtiately sent only to your own friends.

Sincerely, Adam D (1L)

i have several problems with this. first, shut your uptight 1L mouth. dont misunderstand me, 1Ls are allowed to have their opinions, but they are not permitted to share them via school-wide email unless they are a) hilarious or b) helpful. this is neither.

second, adam is an example of why people hate law students/lawyers. where is your fucking sense of humor? listen, i know you're struggling to grasp the concept of negligence, but that's no reason to go all male-pms on the rest of the student body. actually, i think a lack of sense of humor among lawyers is actually a horrible misconception. most have a good sense of humor because, come on, we pretty much have to. in this respect i'd argue adam is the horrible exception.

finally, if you're going to be a pretentious asshole, at least proofread your email prior to sending it to everyone. and spell check wouldnt hurt either. i mean, you're not going to be taken seriously anyway, but it would help a little. for example, i'm pretty sure you meant "Most of these messages concern things that I couldN'T give a crap about." yeah, that kind of changes the entire meaning, doesnt it? douchebag. but that's ok, not everyone can excel in legal writing...or basic grammar.

UPDATE: a second student joined adam's sentiments, naturally via schoolwide email. being the lover of irony that i am, i stepped up and responded to the challenge, of course using the schoolwide email list as my forum:

I find it ironic that those of you complaining about your inbox being filled up are nevertheless sending school-wide emails, as opposed to sending the complaints solely to those at whom they are directed.

I apologize for "filling up" everyone's inbox, and stealing an extra 2 minutes of your day. I hope you all still had time for lunch.


i realize that email is a bit tame for me. i strongly considered adding one of two things:
1) i had a sandwich on toasted rye. it was delicious.
2) dont feel the need to apologize to me though. i love irony almost as much as i love chocolate cake. and if you know me, then you know i'm a man who loves his chocolate cake.

ultimately, i decided against either of these additions in order to keep it short and sweet. however, if i'm further provoked, there's no telling what i might write.

UPDATE 2: i just received an email from a girl, basically implying i'm a hypocrite for not heeding my own advice. on the end, she added a snippy "just an idea." i feel bad for this girl. anyone with basic critical reading and analytical skills can plainly see that my email was directed only to those who are complaining (see "those of you complaining"). furthermore, my email at no point complains about receiving emails. as a non-complainer, my email is thus not applicable to myself. it's a wonder this girl hasnt failed out yet. i sent her an email back, explaining this, though i have my doubts that she'll be able to wrap her mind around such an advanced concept.

god, law students are so fucking lame.

UPDATE 3: the second student who joined adam was nice enough to reply to me personally. i have made my editorial comments within the text in red for simplicity's sake. have at it:

Thank you for letting me know this very obvious fact [Dicta]! [you're welcome] I meant my e-mail to go to everybody because random people were shooting over 30 messages a day and I simply neither have the time to investigate who were they in particular nor the desire to write them individual e-mails. [you investigate your emails? hardcore!] But I can see that you are doing well by sending the same message twice to everyone. [actually, just you, brainy mcbrainerson. i hit "reply all," which goes back to the sender (you), and cc's the email to everyone else (the all students list). and thank you, i am doing well.] And I can also see that the people still do not have the decency to stop the insane e-mail clogging - they use it even to correct the spelling of others. [well, adam kind of asked for it. if he wants to be taken seriously, maybe he should put the time and effort into spellcheck. and by "time and effort" i mean 2 seconds.] I am sure this is exactly what I want to see in my mail box. [then why all the complaining?!] Diana

i still think law students are so fucking lame.


At 3/24/2006 11:04 AM, Blogger Brancibeer said...

I picture Adam as a skinny somewhat pale uptight guy with neat black hair and glasses. He spends most of his time reading law books at his finely placed desk in the corner of the room. He's very ambitious and serious about school, although he never quite had the brains to excell too much. He wears button up shirts and ALWAYS tucks in. Adam is confident enough in his self, but never had very many friends. People define him as "kind of a tool" or as an "arrogant prick". He handles stress by whining to his friends and parents and by furthering that straight pole up his ass.

At 3/24/2006 11:09 AM, Blogger dicta said...

i'm not positive i know who he is, but i think i do...and i think that's exactly right.

i should add that someone, sometime might have also referred to me as an arrogant prick. admittedly, i talk/write that way at times, but i'm generally also joking. but even if i was an arrogant prick, i'd still be a lovable one. i mean, come on, i'm awesome!

At 3/24/2006 12:48 PM, Blogger Brancibeer said...

Yes, for me knowing you in real life and in blogorama-land is amusing. You surely are a proud arrogant prick on this blog. And in real life...well....

At 3/24/2006 3:07 PM, Blogger The Namby Pamby said...

you should let us, your noble readers, craft an email that will be sent out to your entire school. And then one spefically to the girl who e-mailed you back.

I think this group project could be fun

At 3/24/2006 3:54 PM, Blogger Matt said...

i agree with the group project, i'm sure we could all craft a hilarious response.

dicta, you need hobbies.

At 3/24/2006 4:05 PM, Blogger dominique said...

i propose that you refer to the girl as a "stupid trick" at least once in your reply email

At 3/24/2006 4:16 PM, Blogger dicta said...

i'm not sure i need a hobby so much as a vacation. i spent my spring "break" catching up on work, and there wont be much downtime until may.

however, if my peers now are to become my coworkers later, i'm really not sure i want in on this law thing anymore.

At 3/24/2006 7:07 PM, Blogger dominique said...

that diana chick sounds like she's coming on to you.. i'll cut her.


At 3/24/2006 7:10 PM, Blogger law monkey said...

i may be working on a responsive email/thank you letter. i mean, come on, this is the most entertainment i've seen this semester, and my interest in law school has almost, but not quite, been renewed. the people deserve some praise!

also, just an FYI, adam doesn't fit the description above. he's a sweatshirt- and contacts-wearing, chill kind of guy. i think being a 1L is finally getting to him, but i can't speak on his behalf. perhaps we'll never know what drove him to frustration.


At 3/24/2006 8:05 PM, Blogger sadielady said...

oh my god, law students ARE fucking lame!! that's too funny though. i appreciate being kept abreast (hee hee i just said abreast) of the situation, and i'm totally up for the group project idea of namby's - - together we could have a lot of fun torturing the rest of your student body, i bet (hee hee, i said student body)

At 3/24/2006 11:24 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

I really think my whole life has been lived for this moment. I was built for this mass response email to your uptight law student peers.

Seriously, that is hilarious. Our current VP sent out an email asking for security suggestions from students for the school. I only replied to her, but stated we should have armed clowns because clowns are scary. It was the best I could do on 5 hours sleep. Alright, I am as lame as Adam. Law School. Kill me.

At 3/24/2006 11:57 PM, Blogger law monkey said...

i just have to say, i am going to be SO incredibly pissed if that chick wins the elections. i mean, i know her obnoxiousness was what set off this very entertaining affair, but still. the dude gets my vote, and if he doesn't win, i'm going to become a serial e-mailer.

At 3/25/2006 5:53 PM, Blogger Matt said...

i think i can claim to have some experience with mass ranting emails, if was the foundation of the workermonkey. Ditca was on those lists, and the website started as an idea to get them to more people. the emails are fun, but the responses suck. people really are retards.

when i lived in the dorms and people would say stupid shit around campus, i'd attack thier printers with massive ammounts of hate and porn. most of these idiots would leave thier printers shared on the network so anyone could print to them.


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