one in every crowd

if you'll remember, there was a tie in the sba elections in my school for vice president. well, since then, non-existent girl has sent out some emails about how passionate she is and blah blah blah. basically, all the worthless shit candidates say that no one believes. let's face it, the vp is useless, just like the real vp, and the only thing she'll do is put it on her resume.

well, some people got upset about the trash filling their inbox, so there has been a string of reply-all emails, extremely sarcastic and mocking in nature, some of them hilarious. only 1Ls and 2Ls vote for these elections, so someone suggested 3Ls be taken off the mailing list, to which a 3L responded that he would like to keep receiving the emails, as he likes to be informed. this led someone to nominate him, because "informed people make the best vps." there have also been nominations for chuck norris, and there is growing support for the aforementioned 3L, who allegedly roundhouse kicked chuck norris in the face because chuck norris failed to keep him informed. other anti-chuck norris campaigning has also surfaced, including the claim that "jack bauer named his cat chuck norris because its a pussy."

so, for a while i wasn't too unhappy with my inbox being filled with this nonsense, cuz it was at least humorous nonsense. enter the infamous law school douchebag:

Alright guys,

I got 30 messages at one time from people ranting about the "election", somehow deciding that the student body would care about their non-serious two cents, that should have just gone to their friends. Most of these messages concern things that I could give a crap about. If you want to campaign, do it seriously on your own time, preferrably in person, but don't clog up my box with messages you think are funny, approprtiately sent only to your own friends.

Sincerely, Adam D (1L)

i have several problems with this. first, shut your uptight 1L mouth. dont misunderstand me, 1Ls are allowed to have their opinions, but they are not permitted to share them via school-wide email unless they are a) hilarious or b) helpful. this is neither.

second, adam is an example of why people hate law students/lawyers. where is your fucking sense of humor? listen, i know you're struggling to grasp the concept of negligence, but that's no reason to go all male-pms on the rest of the student body. actually, i think a lack of sense of humor among lawyers is actually a horrible misconception. most have a good sense of humor because, come on, we pretty much have to. in this respect i'd argue adam is the horrible exception.

finally, if you're going to be a pretentious asshole, at least proofread your email prior to sending it to everyone. and spell check wouldnt hurt either. i mean, you're not going to be taken seriously anyway, but it would help a little. for example, i'm pretty sure you meant "Most of these messages concern things that I couldN'T give a crap about." yeah, that kind of changes the entire meaning, doesnt it? douchebag. but that's ok, not everyone can excel in legal writing...or basic grammar.


UPDATE: a second student joined adam's sentiments, naturally via schoolwide email. being the lover of irony that i am, i stepped up and responded to the challenge, of course using the schoolwide email list as my forum:

I find it ironic that those of you complaining about your inbox being filled up are nevertheless sending school-wide emails, as opposed to sending the complaints solely to those at whom they are directed.

I apologize for "filling up" everyone's inbox, and stealing an extra 2 minutes of your day. I hope you all still had time for lunch.

[dicta]


i realize that email is a bit tame for me. i strongly considered adding one of two things:
1) i had a sandwich on toasted rye. it was delicious.
2) dont feel the need to apologize to me though. i love irony almost as much as i love chocolate cake. and if you know me, then you know i'm a man who loves his chocolate cake.

ultimately, i decided against either of these additions in order to keep it short and sweet. however, if i'm further provoked, there's no telling what i might write.


UPDATE 2: i just received an email from a girl, basically implying i'm a hypocrite for not heeding my own advice. on the end, she added a snippy "just an idea." i feel bad for this girl. anyone with basic critical reading and analytical skills can plainly see that my email was directed only to those who are complaining (see "those of you complaining"). furthermore, my email at no point complains about receiving emails. as a non-complainer, my email is thus not applicable to myself. it's a wonder this girl hasnt failed out yet. i sent her an email back, explaining this, though i have my doubts that she'll be able to wrap her mind around such an advanced concept.

god, law students are so fucking lame.


UPDATE 3: the second student who joined adam was nice enough to reply to me personally. i have made my editorial comments within the text in red for simplicity's sake. have at it:

Thank you for letting me know this very obvious fact [Dicta]! [you're welcome] I meant my e-mail to go to everybody because random people were shooting over 30 messages a day and I simply neither have the time to investigate who were they in particular nor the desire to write them individual e-mails. [you investigate your emails? hardcore!] But I can see that you are doing well by sending the same message twice to everyone. [actually, just you, brainy mcbrainerson. i hit "reply all," which goes back to the sender (you), and cc's the email to everyone else (the all students list). and thank you, i am doing well.] And I can also see that the people still do not have the decency to stop the insane e-mail clogging - they use it even to correct the spelling of others. [well, adam kind of asked for it. if he wants to be taken seriously, maybe he should put the time and effort into spellcheck. and by "time and effort" i mean 2 seconds.] I am sure this is exactly what I want to see in my mail box. [then why all the complaining?!] Diana


i still think law students are so fucking lame.