human nature

today i am in a not so good mood, for some reason that totally escapes me. normally, conversations implying that i get peanut butter licked off my goods would be enough to cheer me up (even if these claims are baseless, and rooted in a deep jealousy of my staunch record of masculinity and heterosexuality), but that only got me part of the way today. so i thought i would write, since i find it therapeutic. at first i was going to just unjustifiably rant about things that i thought were stupid, whether they deserved it or not (but trust me, some definitely deserved it). but then i thought wwrd (what would retards do), and that led me here.

not feeling like talking to the majority, i erected (i'm all man) the following away message on AIM:

stuff to do. dont im me unless you're [girlfriend], [other friend], or my sister. otherwise, i'll just assume you're retarded. and you know what we do with retards...we photoshop them into hilarious pictures with ridiculous captions, such as this one.

well, almost instantanously, retard #1 (let's call her angela*) struck, with the following message:

a) i do what i want. b) thats not cool [dicta].

i have several things to say about this. first, angela needs to stop talking like i do. angela and her old roommates are commonly known to copy the vernacular of others and pass it off on their own. i am certainly not claiming the rights to "i do what i want," as i believe it's from an old south park. but i'd only heard a select few use this phrase prior to my using it 300 times a day...which i still do.

second, why is it that when something instructs people to do or not do one thing, they immediately feel compelled to do the opposite? oooooh, my away said not to im me and you did! you fuckin rebel! bitch please.

third, why is it everyone feels the need to let people know when they disapprove of something? stop trying to be my moral leader! my joke, and yes it is a joke, is not hurting anyone. besides, even if a retard saw it, they wouldnt understand it!!

finally, i guess i should probably qualify this post by saying that i have nothing against the retarded. and i refuse to use the term "mentally handicapped" except in this sentence to explain myself. everyone's so oversensitive about everything today, it makes me sick. but i'm no hypocrite. feel free to call me cracker, or hetero.

because when you boil it all down, i like to think of my blog as if it were the government, church, or the army: it's a wide open forum for political incorrectness.


*names have not been changed to protect the retarded