Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

anonymously yours

lately i've mulled the idea of foregoing my anonymity. mostly cuz i dont give a shit. originally hiding behind "dicta" seemed fun (back in the day on the workermonkey, which originated in dec 2003, i blogged under my real first name). i guess it still is sometimes, but the novelty has worn off. besides, i'm sure if you tried really hard, most of you (read: those of you who arent retarded) could figure out stuff about me anyway. but as i'm still wavering, i'll compromise by posting a picture of my dog, santos, for now (and no, that's not my bed...dicta doesnt roll with pink/purple blankets).

finally, some thoughts about privacy from bill maher:

New Rule: Stop worrying that the government is listening in on your phone conversation. The person you called isn't even listening to your phone conversation. Any American in this day and age who thinks they're not being monitored is so naive and oblivious, I can't believe they're not working already for the Bush Administration.

Which...which is not to say it isn't creepy thinking of Karl Rove monitoring my emails. Which is why all of mine say the same thing: "Hey, did you hear freedom is on the march, and I quit smoking pot?" "Praise Jesus! - Bill."

But the organization that is conducting these wiretaps, the NSA, is a spy agency different from all the others, in that its only function is to listen. You know, like a husband. You know, like a husband!

And if they need to listen to keep a dirty bomb from going off in Long Beach, then I say, "Listen away." All I ask, NSA, is that you don't judge. And more importantly, if you could screen my calls. In fact, just tell everybody I'm not in. Oh, and if I say something funny during one of my phone conversations, write it down and hit me back with an email so I can use it in my next stand-up special.

So, yes, on the downside, our lives here in America are now an open book. But on the upside, Bush doesn't read books! And really, people, if you're so worried about the privacy of your cell phone calls, stop making them when you're in line at Starbucks!

Oh, please, Americans don't want privacy. They want attention! They'll put a camera in their shower and show it on the Internet! To get on television, they'll marry strangers and eat a cow's rectum, and ice dance with Todd Bridges. They're trying to get on a show called "Big Brother"!

We are a nation of exhibitionists from "me" to shining "me." And what we really fear isn't that someone's listening; it's that no one's listening. This whole country is one big desperate cry for somebody to listen to "listen to me, photograph me, Google me, read my blog!" "Read my diary; read my memoir. It's not interesting enough? I'll make shit up!"

You know that I could go on the Internet right now under my alternate screen name, "CherryXXX69," and get complete strangers to email me a picture of their scrotum. I tell you, this country gave the finger to privacy a long time ago.

In fact, I have reason to believe I'm being videotaped right now.

holmes, sorry if the bill maher quote gave you a coronary. you fascist bastard.


At 2/22/2006 7:56 PM, Blogger None said...

please tell me his full name is santos l. halper

At 2/22/2006 7:58 PM, Blogger sadielady said...

haha, i love bill maher.

i don't think i could totally get rid of the anonymity and not feel paranoid (yes that was a double negative, screw you my brain is tired); this evening i'm a little weirded out that some dude posted a link to my blog on a foxsports message board under "some women fantasize about hot guy on guy action, like this woman" - on the one hand, who cares, i posted it for people to read, but on the other hand, i really don't want to become famous on sports message boards across the country as the kinky woman who gets turned on by the idea of two hot guys getting each other off. or maybe it's just the fact that it's on foxsports that's weirding me out - now if it were on an espn message board, on the other hand, well that might be kinda cool.

p.s. thanks, eric98 from illinois, and get the fuck off my blog.

At 2/22/2006 8:07 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

I loved the quote, comrade.
I just don't want my real name googleable and connected to my blog.

(It's Ted Furgeson. Put that on my resume!)

At 2/22/2006 8:16 PM, Blogger dicta said...

wt: that's precisely where his name came from...the simpsons. though he does kind of look like a santos too i think.

sadielady: i enjoy you despite your penchant for man-on-man lovin...and now so can the rest of the world

holmes: i certainly wouldnt post my last name, but a picture and perhaps the first name, who knows. glad you enjoyed the maherism.

At 2/23/2006 12:43 PM, Blogger JLee said...

"googleable"..has that been coined yet? The first week I had a blog, a fellow blogger (who still posts) warned me to take some info off because he already found my address and cell phone number! yikes Now I have a restraining order... No, not really, but you do have to be careful, especially women. Then people kept asking me where my blog was and started reading it, like coworkers, family members, etc...and I felt I couldn't express myself as much as I wanted to. So I might start a "secret blog" So if you google "cousin fetish" you can find me! Man, Santos gets around, eh?

At 2/23/2006 2:39 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

Over/under on # of times Sadie goes to see Brokeback Mountain? I'll say 8.

At 2/23/2006 4:21 PM, Blogger law monkey said...

it's purple. and you only WISH you had a bed as comfy as that. others have also referred to the bed as appearing "sensuous" and downright "awesome." santos was a lucky guy that day.

At 2/23/2006 5:11 PM, Blogger dicta said...

santos vomited for the next 36 hours. i thought you were going to dogsit him, not make out with him.

holmes, cuz she's busy with the trial, i'll give sadie the benefit of the doubt, and will say only 14...sooo, over

At 2/23/2006 8:28 PM, Blogger sadielady said...

I wonder how soon I'll be able to pre-order it on DVD?

At 2/23/2006 11:48 PM, Blogger law monkey said...

according to you, santos was vomiting an entire week before he was bestowed the honor of chilling with me for the weekend. not surprisingly, he was perfectly fine the entire time that i had him. the fact that he puked for 2 days straight immediately upon being returned to you speaks volumes. i'd puke too if i had to live with you ;)


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