Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Friday, August 08, 2008


last night after work i took the dogs out for a walk. we went around the neighborhood. we got some exercise. we pooped on the sidewalk. it was really nice, until the end.

we were only a few doors down from our own when santos and maeby stopped to smell the genitals of another dog that was also enjoying a walk. i began talking to the owner and another woman because (as everyone does) they asked me what kind of dog santos was (i still don't have a good answer for that). all of a sudden, this purebred pitbull comes charging at us out of nowhere. no leash or owner in sight.

now i love dogs. but pitbulls are not dogs. pitbulls are creatures. pitbulls have no feelings and there are no redeeming qualities to pitbulls. yes, i have been bitten by an (allegedly friendly) pitbull.

i guess this dog has figured out how to open the screen door to the apartment on its own. it came running and barking. and it wasnt a "hey, nice to meet you" bark as much as it was a "hey look at how fucking stupid and out of control i am" one. the other dog owner picked up her dog, which was little (all over, according to santos and maeby). i had a leash to one dog in each hand and they pulled me back a bit. the other woman, who i now suspect might be a man due to the giant size of her balls, stepped right between the pitbull and everyone else. she yelled at it and attempted to chase it back to it's apartment, and tried to get the attention of its owners (i dont know that she ever did). meanwhile, the other owner carried her dog back to her apartment, and i brought santos and maeby the other way around a building to get to our place.

this annoys the fuck out of me because pitbulls are an explicitly restricted breed at our apartment complex. furthermore, the woman with the balls told me that people have complained to our leasing office about it before and the office just said that they have to see it first. now i would think that if they're notified, they might try to check. the fact that a pitbull lives there means 1 of 2 things: either the owners didnt tell the landlord they have a dog, or the landlord didnt verify the breeds, as they did with us. this is a pure pitbull, there's no mistaking it.

if it were a random dog, or a non-restricted breed, i might let it go. but i fucking hate pitbulls, so this will likely be reported to the office. sorry, but i refuse to wait until someone or their pet is mauled before action is taken. pitbulls are useless creatures that should be euthanized as soon as they pop out of their mother, who should be euthanized immediately after.


At 8/09/2008 6:45 PM, Blogger Damon said...

You suspect a woman to be a man because she did something brave? We could have done without that sexist clause.

I am surprised I haven't met any really bad pitbulls at the humane society, since the dogs there aren't always the best. We've had dogs put down due to aggressiveness or too many bites, but not pitbulls. I don't doubt people's perception of them since that's what they were bred for but I haven't seen it.

At 8/09/2008 7:52 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

I think Dicta just wanted to make a joke about balls, Damon. No need to be such a vagina. Kidding.

But I agree with Damon in that it's really the owners. We watch Dog Whisperer religiously- hispPitbulls are like the kindest creatures, and they've already been used as fighting dogs.

At 8/09/2008 8:10 PM, Blogger dicta said...

the balls were just an allusion to her bravery. as in, "having balls". men and women can both have this kind of balls. so i should say she was brave. i didnt have time to stay around and check (because of the pitbull), but i'm 99% sure she had a vagina. if her pants were tighter i could've fully confirmed.

i will admit, damaging to my argument as it may be, that in my life i have met 1 friendly pitbull that wasn't so bad. our friends in seattle have one that will bark and then lick you violently, but only lick. that said, my cousin raised hers from a tiny little puppy with nothing but love and the bastard bit the back of my leg one day when i was standing in the living room talking to my cousin, my parents, my sister, and my aunt. everyone else was standing as well. i'm a gambling man, but my experiences tell me that the odds with pitbulls just arent good enough to test. sometimes you just have to draw the line (or the needle).

At 8/09/2008 8:29 PM, Blogger IsmaelTapiaII said...

We used to have a pitbull that I named Anakin. He was pretty sweet. But one day I was home from college and I came home totally drunk. I had to come in the backdoor, which meant going through the back yard, which is where Anakin. He was fucking huge and he hadn't seen me in a long time and I was drunk and I was in his territory. I was fucking scared, and I have no doubt that he would have attacked me if I had been there for a few more minutes. And our family was never mean or abusive towards him--he was my mom's baby.

At 8/10/2008 10:33 PM, Blogger dicta said...

corrections, retractions, additions...

that 1 friendly dog. it turns out that since it was over a year ago, i remembered incorrectly, and it was in fact not a pitbull. so now i've known exactly 0 friendly pitbulls. fuck 'em.

At 8/12/2008 6:12 PM, Blogger d$ said...

1.) why were you staring at a manly woman's crotch?
2.) one of my coworkers recently had to put down "the friendliest, sweetest dog ever" (who just so happened to be a pit bull) because it trotted up behind a woman she was casually talking with and bit her pretty badly.

At 8/12/2008 9:15 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

Alright, I'm sold- wipe them all out. Also poor people- they commit all of the crime.

At 8/17/2008 11:54 AM, Blogger dicta said...


At 8/21/2008 8:09 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

are you signing up for charley's football league?

At 8/21/2008 10:49 PM, Blogger dicta said...

i dont know. it's been in my inbox forever and i haven't gotten around to it. are you doing it? when's the deadline?


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