candy is for kids and fat people

dominique and i were talking about halloween, and she mentioned how ridiculous it is when high schoolers go trick-or-treating. i agree.

that's not to say i didnt trick-or-treat in high school...ohhh, i did. i wanted free candy. i mean, come on! during my high school years i most often went as a bum, as it was an easy costume requiring little effort but giving me a large candy payoff. but that doesn't make it right. halloween festivities are clearly divided into three categories, each being completely age appropriate.

trick-or-treating is for kids. cute little kids are supposed to get all dressed up and impress neighbors in exchange for some candy. kids really love candy. the candy is mini sized, because kids are mini (though also probably because most people are cheap). also, many locales have curfews on trick-or-treating to protect kids from any violence or harm that might come their way.

october 30, also known as mischief night, is where the high schoolers come in. it's the night to tp trees, egg houses, and just engage in general debauchery. the reward for this isn't candy, but rather laughter and sometimes adrenaline.

finally, for college kids to adults there are parties and bar crawls. the rewards are cheap alcohol and generally the most creative and funny costumes (no, it's not too early to be cory lidle). let's face it, a 7 year old won't get the humor behind black clothing, black hair, black eyeliner, and fake razor cuts up and down your arms unless their older sibling is sad, pale, and unathletic.

the defining lines of these categories should remain rigid because any overlap could lead to undesirable results. unless of course you're going to throw babies at houses, because let's face it, dead baby jokes are always funny.