Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

oh the douchebaggery

if you ever go to law school, you'll learn one thing: it never ends. what is this "it" you ask? everything. but mainly douchebaggery. here's a fine example...i just got the following school-wide email:

The small clock in the English Lounge has a dead battery and is really bothering me. It is stuck on 7:30 or so, and I missed my 11:30 class because of it. I checked the clock, and it requires only one AA battery. If someone could please bring in a replacement battery (preferably one of a reliable brand), I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

seriously? listen, maybe your mom still wipes your ass and your dad--ok i wont go there right now. but in the "real world" there's this thing called getting up off your lazy ass and doing things for yourself. good fucking god. if they're not lame, they're morons. if they're not morons, they're just straight retarded.


At 4/04/2006 6:15 PM, Blogger First Year said...

The first thing I thought was, "how did this moron miss an 11:30 class because the clock said it was 7:30????"

I can't believe he put his own name on this. I guess law school has made at least one person go more batty then me :)

At 4/04/2006 6:23 PM, Blogger dicta said...

to be fair, this is my second year

At 4/04/2006 7:39 PM, Blogger JLee said...

"douchebaggery"....I like it. I think I will add it to my vocab...

At 4/04/2006 9:01 PM, Blogger law monkey said...

LMFAO, i JUST posted this on EJ! i hadn't even realized that you'd done the same. :P anyway, if the e-mailer is who i think he is, he most definitely meant it as a joke. more than likely, he's just as bored as everyone else in preparing for finals, so he thought he'd have a little e-fun.

i'm sure by now you've seen NL's follow-up e-mail? pretty lame, BUT, i've got a funny (though unrelated) story about her.

so i was in an SBA meeting tonight, and she was complaining about how the budget allocation process is so "intimidating" for club leaders. this guy - i don't know who he is, but he's freaking AWESOME - flat out said, "uh, this is law school, not a DAYCARE."

because she's a bit dense, it took her a few seconds to realize that he was insulting her. she was like, "ugh, jack off." hahahaha. the guy then says to her, "what do you want, someone to hold your hand? make you feel less intimidated by all of the big kids?"

but the best part was when she got miffed and just walked out! hahahahahehehehehahahahaha. heheeheeehee.

oh man. i love our fellow classmates/colleagues/morons. they brighten up my dull day. :D

At 4/04/2006 9:01 PM, Blogger sadielady said...

Now that guy needs emergency surgery to remove the ginormous stick that's up his ass.

At 4/05/2006 8:40 AM, Blogger None said...

Sadie, you have some batteries he could use, right? Didn't you go out and buy the jumbo pack after your incident the other night?

At 4/05/2006 8:54 AM, Blogger Matt said...

doesn't it take more time to check the clock, write the email and piss everyone off as it does to just change the fucking battery yourself? the douchebag checked it already, what was he expecting to find? a potato?

At 4/05/2006 10:03 AM, Blogger law monkey said...

sorry, i know everyone's eager to find something to get upset about, but peeps need to chill. the guy that sent the e-mail quite obviously meant it as a joke. i happen to know who he is, and can vouch for the fact that he's neither a "douchebag" nor a "moron."

i love it when people put labels on others. of course, if you're omniscient, i guess you'd know what you're talking about.

At 4/05/2006 10:41 AM, Blogger dicta said...

actually, it's clearly not obvious at all. i've heard numerous people talking about it, and it hasnt been obvious to them either. what's your definition of obvious?

i just base my impressions on what i see and hear. what else can i do?

label me observant

At 4/05/2006 11:21 AM, Blogger law monkey said...

there are arguably two cases where a comment might be funny:

1. when the comment is funny, regardless of who says it; and
2. when the comment is funny largely due to the context, the source, etc.

in this case, the latter (2) applies. i assume that you don't know nick, which is probably why you didn't catch the humor. (consider the source).

however, you are well-aware of the context, which is this: our peers thoroughly enjoy sending random, yet humorous, campus-wide e-mails. in that context, nick's e-mail, which is quite obviously lacking in an objective (why would someone waste their time sending something like that?), should be viewed in light of the context.

of course there was no point to the e-mail, but why would there be? none of the other e-mails that've been sent out recently have had much of a point, either. and yet, we found them quite entertaining, did we not? and i think that was what made nick's e-mail relatively poignant - that everyone wastes time in sending mass e-mails. why not poke a little fun at it, and see the humor in the situation?

or maybe i'm just easily amused.

dicta, i'm surprised that you'd become upset about someone sending mass e-mails, when you yourself sent one out just a few weeks ago, ridiculing others who dared to complain about the very same thing.

i'm not going to label you anything - i'm not omniscient.

At 4/05/2006 12:17 PM, Blogger dicta said...

i'm not upset about him sending the email, i just thought it was stupid if the person actually expected that to happen. there's a huge difference there. never did i complain about the filling of my inbox.

furthermore, the elections ended over a week ago, and so there was no longer context for random emails like that, even if it was a joke. other than the sba elections, the only times people send out schoolwide emails are if they are heads of orgs, which is fine, or if they lost something like their phone or whatever. i also have no problem with that. one element of context is time/distance. for example, if you dont know the meaning of a word, one way to figure it out is in the context of the sentence. but you don't scan back 3 pages to find the meaning. the mass schoolwide emailing had long ended. being so outdated, the context was gone.

At 4/05/2006 1:39 PM, Blogger sadielady said...

i'm glad l.m. put that (2) after the word latter, cuz i didn't know what latter meant. context: i am a humorous bitch.

At 4/05/2006 4:52 PM, Blogger law monkey said...


if you don't know the meaning of a word, you most certainly can "scan back 3 pages to find the meaning," as long as you're scanning the same document. likewise, i wouldn't say that 2 weeks ago is too long ago to be included in the context. the elections - and the incidental e-mails - are obviously still fresh in our minds. i overheard people joking about them just last night. moreover, you've even mentioned the elections in a recent post (re: adam, e-mails, and the saldf contest).

anyway, apparently we don't share the same time/distance perception, which is fine. regardless, is it so difficult to not take things so seriously? i'm not criticizing, but my point is, there's really no reason to get bent out of shape about an e-mail, or to play the name-calling game.

and yes, it probably would have been quite a different situation if nick had actually expected someone to replace the battery in the clock. but honestly, do you really think someone would have that expectation? you'd probably say yes, but i'd say not likely. (i spoke with nick today, btw - he confirmed that his e-mail was a joke).

At 4/05/2006 5:14 PM, Blogger dicta said...

if there's one thing i've learned from law school it's never assume anything. at law school i've met the whole spectrum from awesome to gigantic prick. when someone i dont know sends something, i will take it for what it looks like, until proven otherwise.

further, you can only scan back 3 pages in some types of documents. if i'm reading a regular book (oh my god, you mean there's stuff besides law texts that NORMAL people read?!!?), turning back 3 pages is likely not to be helpful.

also, the emails are not fresh in everyone's mind. the only reason i mentioned douchebag adam in a recent post is so our readers, who have no frame of reference, would equate the kid in the picture with the kid sending the email.

"regardless, is it so difficult to not take things so seriously?" ummm, have you read any of my blog? i dont take anything seriously.

At 4/05/2006 9:56 PM, Blogger law monkey said...

"i will take it for what it looks like, until proven otherwise."
but then you'd be making an assumption about it, wouldn't you? the whole notion of "assume nothing" is that you don't make a judgment about it, either way.

regular books generally have more than three pages, from what i remember (how long has it been since i've read one of those now? eep...) anyway, failure to turn back 3 pages is a sure sign of laziness, not inability. whatevs.

hey, when you link to the e-mails and you remind people of them, it's still fresh material. that is to say, i'm more likely to remember that some people sent some funny-ass e-mails, and that i thoroughly enjoyed them because they made me laugh. are you telling me that you don't remember things that made you laugh? crazy!

in any case, i really don't care. the e-mail was a joke - that much has been confirmed (by everyone but you, that is). :P

so are you coming to dinner on saturday?

At 4/06/2006 9:34 AM, Blogger LauraDorf said...

8 posts of opionions just to be ended with :P ?

I'll never understand you law-school types.

At 4/06/2006 10:35 AM, Blogger law monkey said...

i'm glad someone's taking the time to keep track of how many times i post! :D

oh, i mean, :P

At 4/06/2006 12:13 PM, Blogger LauraDorf said...

If by "take the time" you mean scroll up and count to 8 then yes, I'm your woman.

-no emoticon necessary-


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