the key to success part 2

don't skimp on materials.

after my 3pm class i went back to home depot to see if there was anyone less incompetent to cut some keys. as it turns out, i would've been lucky to get someone equally incompetent. i didnt even get to the stage where i hand them my keys. i didnt even talk to them outside a grumble.

i walk in, and there's an old guy already standing by the key kiosk waiting to be helped. there arent any home depot employees in sight, other than cashiers. he informs me that he's been waiting for 15 mins. he then tells me "at least you cant complain about the service...there isnt any!" since i didnt have any intentions of waiting 15 mins, i asked the cashier to call someone to the key stand. so a girl finally comes (a different one from this morning). they old guy says "what took you so long? i should start shopping at lowe's." haha, excellent. so she takes his key, and is fiddling with the machine. she clearly doesnt know how to operate it. "don't know what you're doing, do ya?" he asks. point #3 for old man (i'm totally gonna be this guy when i'm older). she insists that she does, and tells him to "be nice." another woman comes over to help the first. i'm thinking to myself, god they probably just need to plug it in or something.

well, i didnt realize how close to the truth that would be. it wasnt unplugged, but it turns out the power had been cut. ok, flip the breaker. they call some guy in the back to do it, and ask us if we have 5 mins to wait. cuz it takes 5 mins to flip a breaker. so the old guy says whatever and walks away. then they talk to the guy again. apparently, he already called someone, so there was no way to know how long it would be. i didnt know home depot outsourced their power experts. so i just turned and walked away. "i'm sorry sir!!" "mehhh." home depot's slogan is "dream it. design it. do it." that's all fine and nice, unless "it" is get inside your home i guess.

so naturally, i go to lowe's. i find the key stand, and wait. and wait. i caught the eye of several cashiers, so i made the poor assumption that one of them might call for help. seriously, i should know never to assume anything. ever. EVER. so after a few minutes, i ask one of them to call someone. they do. a woman comes over. great, time to copy some keys.

or not. the woman cuts a "copy" of my key, but it comes out a slightly different shape still. she examines my key further. she then tells me that they dont have the right kind of machine to cut my key. i need a machine that can start at the opposite end as their machine (and apparently home depot's). the closest place she knows of with said machine is in a town 20-25 mins away. fuck that. lowe's motto is "improving home improvement." unfortunately, while they offer many indoor accessories, it's hard to improve the inside of your home when you can't get there.

so basically, home depot and lowe's should go off together and have a matrimonial ceremony to celebrate their shared douchebaggery. then they can take turns fucking each other up the ass, like they each deserve. at least there wouldn't be a shortage of wood.