fatty mcchubs

this was originally going to be a rant, but it's late and i'm in a good mood. so now it is a list of rules. fat people are prevalent in american society, so i think there should be rules facilitate their coexistence with those less triglyceridically challenged.* here they are, in no special order:

1) know your girth. if a walkway is wide, feel free to use it all. i dont enjoy being hit with excess arm/belly/back fat as you walk by. and if you do hit me, your obvious fatness is no excuse for not apologizing or saying "excuse me."

2) dont idolize jared the subway guy for losing all that weight, unless your ultimate goal is also to be skinny, ugly, and annoying.

3) if you eat fast/unhealthy food, dont complain about your weight. i will be very unsympathetic to your cause if you ask me to join your pity party in between your triple quarter pounder with extra bacon and your whopper. my sympathy is something that isnt made "your way"

4) dont let your kids get fat too. just cuz you've ruined your own body, dont bring your kids down with you. besides, the refridgerator can only hold so much food.

5) finally, hire a personal assistant to bathe you if necessary. just because you cant reach all the skin does not mean its ok to not wash there. there's nothing worse than not being able to pass someone in a hallway and being disgusted by their unescapable odor. please dont put us thru that.



*this idea may or may not have arisen from incidents occuring earlier tonight at the casino. did it really? probably not. but probably.