Confessions of a Litigious Mind

The random, irrelevant musings of a law school graduate.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

the greatest exam tip in the world

it can all be boiled down to three simple words: grow a mustache. i know this sounds crazy, but really, hear me out.

law school is graded on a ridiculous bullshit curve. you're graded against your peers. the better you do in comparison, the better your grade, regardless of whether your answers were complete shit or not. grow a mustache.

nothing takes law students off their game more than breaking their routines or study habits. by walking into class with a ridiculous mustache you will grab their attention and be a distraction. some will laugh, others will think you're weird, but either way, you've got them thinking about something other than law.

during the exam, be sure to stroke your mustache as you ponder your answers. make eye contact with anyone you can. get up and walk out into the hallway to get a drink, everyone will look (law students are nosy, they cant resist). they'll also look at you when you come back, mustache proudly on display. you're in their heads. the idea is to play your competition, not the test itself. that's how you win in law school.

and lest you think i'm a hypocrite, i can assure you i am not. i have definitely done this before, and holmes can attest to that.

i know what you ladies are thinking, "but dicta, i'm a woman, i cant grow a mustache!" wrong. let's be honest, there's a reason you're in law school and not magazines.


At 12/13/2006 11:58 AM, Blogger Butterflyfish said...

the "stash" I can grow will probably be a LOT more distracting (and will possibly get me arrested) if I decide to display it.

Also, my ass will get cold.

At 12/13/2006 2:29 PM, Blogger Claire MacGregor said...

I can attest to both your mustache and getting up and leaving the room... I remember it well when you walked by me... Question is, did you notice when I left the room as well? Hell, I did it twice! I was quite jealous when you left the exam 30 minutes early... I wasn't close to done. I did finish, but I think my new exam method was a little risky.

Anyway, hopefully we'll have class next semester. I loved being able to read about things I recognized.

At 12/13/2006 3:29 PM, Blogger d$ said...

dicta, it appears your readership is now solely comprised of stalkers and hairy assed women. congratulations.

At 12/13/2006 6:40 PM, Blogger Damon said...

just the way he likes 'em

At 12/13/2006 7:57 PM, Blogger Lily Graypure said...


Now I don't trust my friend who shaved his beard for exams. Did he do it to throw me?

At 12/13/2006 9:00 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

I can attest to the original exam mustache growth from 1L--it was amazing. I definitely thought about growing the handlebars again, but my wife vetoed the idea.
But I agree the best way to do better on exams is to sabotage the rest of the class. That is why I've started wearing my exam thong.

At 12/14/2006 12:16 PM, Blogger josh said...

butterfly - gross
claire - i'm not sure i know who you are. are you black?
dominique - i hope you're not including yourself in either of those categories :(
damon - even grosser
lily - most likely
holmes - awesome, just awesome

At 12/14/2006 5:11 PM, Blogger law monkey said...

yes claire, who ARE you? dicta might know if he saw you leave the room if you actually identified yourself, instead of leaving veiled and -- frankly -- creepy messages on his blog.

At 12/14/2006 8:16 PM, Blogger Claire MacGregor said...

I've always kinda liked and valued my anonymity. I'm sorry if the messages have sounded creepy... I haven't meant them to be...

Dicta - no, I'm not black. I'm the little white blonde girl who always complains when people assume that I'm 22. I say that because I was complaining about it the other day in front of you in the computer lab. I wasn't talking to you, but I remember you in the room and I was almost waiting to see if you were going to write about the stupid things that law students complain about. It is why I've always liked anonymity so much.

Anyway, I love your blog, largely because I love when people say things I think but don't always have the guts to say... especially about our wonderful freaking school.

If it means anything, I don't remember your name (in spite of being in your class)... I just know who you are because you put your picture up. The only site with my picture on it has my real name.

Anyway, I'm not stalking you or anything. I just appreciate your blog and don't always express myself well.

At 12/14/2006 9:15 PM, Blogger josh said...

haha i'm not terribly worried about my anonymity...i did post pictures of myself. nor am i seriously worried that i have any stalkers. and even if i did, i can take care of myself. i've trained myself to be immune to 4 different date rape drugs just in case! (dominique uses a 5th one, i'm just not sure what it is yet).

i welcome all people to read this blog. and law students too.

At 12/15/2006 3:47 PM, Blogger Holmes said...

Dicta, do you sell any of your used underwear to readers? Detached curiosity.

-Creepy Weirdo


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