i'm not a doctor, but i'll play one in real life

i take allergy medication. my allergies are far from life-threatening, but i started taking medicine year round because without it i was having a lot of congestion (although it's up for debate whether or not i still have this) and almost daily headaches. i've been taking this stuff since high school...so maybe 9 or 10 years now. (periodically i try to ween myself off it to see if i can live without it if possible. the most recent attempt was this fall, and as usual, i did ok for the first week or so, but once the stuff was completely out of my system for a while the headaches returned.)

so it should be no surprise to the doctor (or his office) that each month i will refill this prescription. usually the doctor authorizes a few refills at a time, so i only have to call the office 3-4 times per year. right now is one of those times.

i called the office on tuesday and the woman on the other end was a complete fucking bitch. additionally, she acted like she had no idea what i was saying to her, as if i were speaking another language. finally, as i was calmly explaining what i needed, she just cut me off and transferred me to an automated voice/touchtone system that prompted me for a bunch of info then said it would authorize my refill. anyone care to take a guess how that one turned out?

i went to cvs on wednesday, not even to pick up the prescription but to verify that it had been called in (though sometimes the cvs here is really good and automatically fills it when they receive an authorization). it had not been called in. luckily, the lady behind the counter was very nice and gave me 3 pills so i could get thru part of this weekend. but the problem is i'm going to cleveland for work for a while, so i need the prescription now (because we all know doctors don't work on weekends or thanksgiving, so i need the authorization either wed or today).

unfortunately, i didn't get to cvs until after work on wednesday, so the doctor's office was already closed. i knew they'd be closed for thanksgiving, so i figured i'd call today. well, before i got a chance i got a call from my mother this morning telling me that the doctor's office called saying i need to make an appointment before i can get a refill. i have 2 problems with this. first, give me a fucking heads up. don't wait until the last time i try to refill to tell me i need an appointment. this would mean lots of people (assuming this is their standard) would have a gap in medication. but second, and equally as annoying, is the fact that their stupid office bitch put me thru to the automated system where i updated both the cvs i use and MY PHONE NUMBER, yet they still fucking called the old number i left them! what the fuck?! so i'm pretty sure i just gave up a bunch of goddamned info for no purpose whatsoever, because they sure as fuck didn't update anything.

so my mom calls me at 10am to tell me this, and now the office is only open until 1pm today. after 10 mins of a busy signal i finally got thru. the first contact woman just listened to me, took my new address and phone number (again), and send me thru to a voicemail for some nurses line, that MIGHT be able to help me out. also, the only way i could get to that point was to make an appointment. so i made a bullshit appointment for some random wednesday after i get back, fully intending to either cancel it or just plain skip out (need to find out if there's a charge for that with these assholes).

ok this is kind of funny. just as i'm bitching about having to leave a message for the nurses, they called me back. the only problem is the nurse told me that she'll pass along what i said to the doctor and he'll decide whether to authorize it or not. i'm sorry, BUT I WAS JUST TRANSFERRED FROM THAT OFFICE! what the fuck is the point of having the front desk bitch transfer me to you just to have you transfer it to the doctor? is front desk bitch so moronic that she can't do that herself?!! what the fuck. i had better get this shit before i leave or else the shit is going to hit an even bigger fan than it has already hit.

fuck law school, i should've gone to med school. i could've still hired some dumb bitch receptionist, i could've done whatever the fuck i wanted and been completely incompetent and not at all responsible for the shitfaces working in my office, and best of all, i could've prescribed my own fucking medication.